I just realized that the year 2019 was the best year in my entire life. I didn't enjoy it, it was a mental hell, but it just feels like I had to walk through fire to become stronger than ever.
Also, I am happy to have this bunch of three around me. I was keeping some distance to them for a long time, and our co-operation was nearly professional rather than friendship. But when 2019 came to an end and I was struggling in some sort of a limbo, torturing myself with the thought that I'm worthless to everyone, they dragged me in and told me "you belong here, missus, we love you, we need you". They made me feel respected, valuable, irreplaceable for what I am. With them I can engage into deep philosophical conversations, talk about real literature, share some intellectual deliberation as well as drink a glass of wine and play some video games without any intelligent thoughts. I just can't come up with anything I wouldn't trust them with. Heck, I never thought I'd get this well along with an age range of 22-53 :laugh:
Last year I cut ties with 4 people in total. Three of them came crawling back, begging for forgiveness and promising something better for the future. For a moment I hesitated, I started questioning whether I was right, whether it was a right thing to do to get rid of them, but these three friends of mine told me not to fall into that, it's a trap. I wasn't so sure about that, but I told these three beggars to look for prey somewhere else, I don't want to see them ever again. Well, two of them immediately changed their tactics from begging to attacking and blackmailing, so apparently these three friends were right about this and I just don't know how to thank them.
Also, I've noticed that during these first four months of 2020, I've started to criticize things that were just self-evident for me for a long time. Taken huge steps in my professional development as well as in my personality. I think I owe it all to last year.
Like I said: stronger than ever.
Oh, and I was accepted for student exchange in Hanover. Trying not to get my hopes up though, it's still a very uncertain situation.