@therogis I have extremely minimal empathy, always have and probably always will
(except on bad bpd days where everything gets weird), and idk if this will help you, but I've found compassion works best when it comes to helping friends in need? Ask if they want you to listen to them or if there's anything you can do, show that you're there for them, even if you can't fully understand it, and that you care. It's still a form of emotional support, you're just not echoing their emotions. (Which some people seem to really like? Most of the other low empathy people I've met have talked about being the therapist friend in their group because their friends like that they listen without getting over-emotional, so I guess it does something for them??) If empathy is something you feel is absolutely essential, then...I find it helps to remember how a similar event made me feel and use that as a touchstone? Obviously everyone's different but remembering how you felt might give you a vague idea how your loved ones are feeling. But really, reacting with kindness and letting the other person decide how they'd like to be treated/what they'd like you to do is generally the most useful thing to do in those situations. (In my opinion.) Best of luck, though! <3 And hope your friend is feeling better soon.
I've been honest with her since the beginning of our friendship. As always. I've told her I'm practically uncapable of empathy, but I can listen to her and if the problem is rather practical than emotional, I am happy to offer any solutions I can come up with. But this crisis is not practical, it is about a very dear person of hers who recently passed away for unnatural causes.
I can't tell her "I know how you feel", it would be a lie. I cannot tell her "I understand", because it would be a lie as well. I never lie for a friend.
Luckily she seems to appreciate my honesty even though it's about a weakness of mine. She seems to be fine with me just listening to her, not being able to say much, but just being there and offering her everyday help (such as cooking or buying her chocolate) if she needs it.
It isn't long since I had a damn half-a-year-long ****storm/smear campaign around me simply because I tried to help a friend in need with a rational and problem-solving approach. (Note: it wasn't related to this friend with the current crisis, this previous one has been thrown to my emotional dumpster a long time ago) I don't blame them for their reaction. Even though it was exaggerated, I understand that even while I'm really trying to help, my ways to help people can appear cold-hearted and even arrogant when there are emotions involved in the situation and I'm just asking them "have you thought about doing it this way". I know that most people expect emotional support from a friendship. Just that I'm not a comforter, I'm a problem-solver.
I'm trying to fix it though... like I said, it's a defense mechanism, not only a matter of personality, and through therapy, I am able to work with it. Not only for the sake of others but for myself as well.
Most likely it'll take years tho. It's not easy for me to show open emotions, being a person who grew in an environment where showing happiness, pain, sorrow, or rage most likely results to being insulted, threatened or chased with a knife. It was the same thing if I dared to ask my caretaker about their feelings if they seemed to be upset. "None of your business, little f*ckin wh*re"
