Long story, but I just have to write this.
Some positive things: We're going to see a new apartment tonight with my husband. It wouldn't be our own apartment, but it isn't a rental apartment either. It's pretty hard to explain, but to keep it simple: it's sort of a "next step" from a rental flat. It's a pretty new way to arrange living in Finland and I don't know if it's in use anywhere else, so that's why I don't know a word for it.
My studies are going well despite the long sick leave last autumn. It seems that I will graduate just before Christmas 2021, at the latest. Whoah! That's just so cool! And my grades are still excellent, so I have a great chance of making my dream come true and becoming a prosecutor.
I've got some new friends, both at the university and in the writing club. I can't recall the feeling of being lonely anymore.
And my traveling dreams, which are student exchange and going to Prague, are both really going to happen soon.
I was just thinking about this: I've seen the shadows in my life, I've been through domestic violence, alcoholics and gambling problems and mother with personality issues. I was taken into custody, I had a safe home only at the children custody center. I've been in mental hospitals, I've tried to take my own life.
I didn't believe in myself enough to even go to high school because "I'm so worthless, I couldn't make it even if I tried".
Now, this sounds like bragging, but I'll say it anyway, because believe me, bragging is sometimes necessary for your health and it can boost others around you too.
Considering all of the above, the odds and statistics were that I should have ended up using drugs in the street, robbing stores for living and getting into jail at some point.
Instead of that, I'm married to a man who loves me despite my flaws, and I love nothing more in this life than him. I'm studying law, despite that my personal chances for getting into law school without the high school matriculation were around 1,5 %. I'm not rich, but I've got enough money so I can even make small investments to the stock market, so I'm actually in a way better financial situation than most university students are.
So, what am I thinking? I'm thinking that life's actually treating me pretty darn good. And if you ever think that the odds are not on your side, believe me: they are just odds, not the definite truth.
