What Are You Thinking?

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@Rebel Dynasty Oh that is good 2 hear and... She is ****ed that Nero comes from Vergil's penis isn't she? That sounds like Verbs to me. Could you tell her I said "Hi Veebs!" Please?

So that was a migraine huh? Jesus that was the worst pain I have ever felt. Lord have mercy on me!
 
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Rough therapy session yesterday. Three weeks pause now. It was the first time when I introduced something really horrific that has been circling around in my mind. Asked the therapist if it's a physically possible thing that could have happened and she said "yes".
Would've hoped she'd say "no, you're imagining stuff".

+ Sweetie, if I ever wanted to bring you down in any way, I have all the necessary info to do that whenever I'd like to – and I would've done that already. The difference is that not everyone in this world thinks like you do. I don't hate people: it conflicts with my morale, my religion, my health and my identity. I recommend that kind of lifestyle for you as well. I still care, I always did.

++ I need a cheap ass laptop to make it my experimenting laptop. I have some spare components and a carcass to work on, but it's not really recommended to go to the hacklab right now. Guess why...

+++ Was it @Rebel Dynasty who recommended The Lies of Locke Lamora some time ago? I borrowed it from the local library and now I'm hooked. Thx ♥

A lot going on in my mind. Not necessarily bad or depressing stuff, just a bit too much to think to concentrate on anything. I need to find another outlet...
 
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@Sparda's rejected son Lol, that's it exactly. I'll definitely let her know you say hi. ^^

@therogis That sounds like me. I've read the first two books and I love them (Locke's wit, lol). I'm glad you're enjoying it, too. <3

CT: 6 more days before the in-laws are here. All the shopping is done (didn't do as much this year), and aside from one thing, I'm honestly feeling pretty good.
 
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V's patron said:
If you have a long commute, I'd suggest recording yourself while you drive.

I have the opposite problem. Enough time but no real will or follow-through.

Best of luck friend.
Click to expand...

I'd love that, but I don't have a car – I walk or use public transport, and due to the current situation I do the latter pretty rarely. :/ But maybe I should just take like 15 minutes per day just to fill in some thoughts on a pretty journal or something. I love the idea of a bullet journal but it feels like I "never" have anything good enough to write down into it... so it seems once again it's time to let go of underestimating my personal thoughts and/or mental capabilities.

@Rebel Dynasty, I'm only at the very beginning but I absolutely love the atmosphere and the idea of world where they have such person as a "Thief-Maker" :D (My apologies if you have no idea whom I'm referring to, I'm reading this in Finnish and it's translated literally as a "thief-maker" in this.)
 
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@therogis I know that feeling. I'm sporadic with my writing both in stories but in keeping a journal as well. Like some days I have entries that are whole pages while other entries I have a line or two.
 
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Yeah i'd rather get hit in the nuts than face that headache again. Balls heal, migraines return to fu@k your life up! (Also yes I am a dude)

In other news that driver nearly killed me. I want revenge!!!!
 
I'm especially looking forward to Christmas this year. The more people keep claiming it's obsolete the more I realize it's not. I'm not the only one, lots of people seem to be making much more of an effort lately.
 
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I stare I'm front of electronic screens too much. I need to change that.

Still can't get that multi hit judgement cut down and it bugs me so much! Because I'll perform it during combat and then be like "How the hell did I do that?"
 
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V said:
I'm especially looking forward to Christmas this year. The more people keep claiming it's obsolete the more I realize it's not. I'm not the only one, lots of people seem to be making much more of an effort lately.
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I'm really excited for it. Even if the news keeps getting bleaker by the day, I'm not letting anything ruin this time of year. Even the kids are excited for a change and whilst all my plans for 2020 got bungalowed, we've got a pirate pizza party to enjoy and a couple of hours of board games and snacks with my sister's family. I'm proper happy with that
 
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Because of CTS I am now officially unable to play guitar. Unless I learn to play it as if I was left-handed in general.

// Note to self: when it seems you're losing your sense of reality to all the brainwashing, blackmailing, and gaslighting, remember to check your archives for reality check, to get back on your feet.
*deep breath* I can handle this, I'm good, I know what I feel is right even if you spent rest of your life trying to convince me otherwise.
 
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In-laws might not be coming up after all. Talk of a lockdown for our county, but no definitive news yet. Should see sometime later today.

If it happens, I'm not too worried. If it comes to that, we'll just have to make it extra special for kiddo. It might even be nice, just having the four of us.

Edit: Looks like they're coming a couple days early. Lockdown doesn't start until the 26th, so we're taking advantage of it while we can.

+Ah, there it is. There's the disappointment that's been lurking behind relief for the past couple of days. ._.
 
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This might be the first christmas when I can reasonably expect that most probably she won't call me because she doesn't have my phone number and she doesn't know how to find me in social media. It'd be my first christmas without the voice of a drunk mother.

Somehow it's even more scary than expecting the regular drunk call when it hurts the hardest.

Chances are though she's just waiting for the right moment because she knows it hurts more if it's a surprise.

I'm keeping myself busy browsing the documents, to convince myself I don't have any reason to apologize for kicking her out of my life.

Christmas anxiety has been worse than ever this year but at least I'm sleeping well and the nightmares are staying away, so I guess it's not that bad.
 
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