Steve was 19.
I was 23.
I'm such a bad person...
Not bad, just unusual compared to what I've been brought up with, especially with the woman being older. Just seems too big of a gap to me with those kind of ages and the idea that women mature faster than men. I wouldn't go for it, not after my experience of accidentally dating an 18 year old at age 21 at university.
I felt awful when I found out. It just seemed so icky...that and he lied about his age. So I ended it, and then he shaved his hair off in protest and put it all over myspace that it was my fault.:laugh: What a weirdo. It's a shame, he was so cute looking with his hair, but he was too young and it wouldn't have worked out. I still have some of his books though.:tongue:
Now I always make it a priority to ask their ages...I don't like being hit on by kids. It's embarrassing.
My parents are only 3 months apart and for my other family members it's give or take 3 years at the most as they all met at university. The only exception would be my uncle who married a woman 7 years older, quite unusual, got him teased a bit, but she's slim, takes care of herself and looks young anyway so one wouldn't be able to tell. She's definitely a lot more mature than him when it comes to emotions and practicality :tongue:
At first, my Nana was worried she was in it for a free ride and a meal ticket, but she wasn't like that at all. She pulls her own weight.
They have a very good relationship met at work, have children, and live incredibly well because they now run a very successful insurance company together.
Back to smaller age gaps though... it seems weird when I think of the similar gap between 16 and 20. An adult with a barely legal child who can't drink, vote or drive. :vomit: Sure if it was 20 and 24/ 25, at least the gap means similar maturity, life goals and finances. But being with a 16 year old at 20 is horrible when you look at it from modern society's expectations for 16 year olds. There's something wrong with the adult if that's what they're chasing. They had their time, let the kids be kids.
My sister's friend did that, dated a 16 year old when she was 22 and wanted to settle down with him or something crazy. Her friends thought she had lost the plot and her parents were disturbed when they found out. I have to admit, what a grown woman of 22 sees in a child is beyond me. Turned out he just liked her money and cars and he left her. An old fool and her money are easily parted. :laugh:
I'm turned off by the 'teen' part. It's the association. Teenager...it makes me think of kids, young, barely out of school, or in school, not much life experience in the majority of cases, maybe can't drive, vote or drink, easily manipulated by fads or other people, no idea why they want from life...just too young on too many levels. I just have to think about all the dumb and reckless **** me and my friends did as teenagers when we were allowed and that is enough to put me off. :laugh:
I wouldn't date younger than me, with the exception of 2 years. Anything more, and I think people start feeling the age gap more strongly at different times in their lives. Like 23 and 26. One is just into their 20s and the other is nearing 30. It's a relationship of two different life stages. The younger one is usually all about parties or further education, and the older one is focused more on settling down and getting higher in their career, maybe even marriage and children.
Sure, you can get exceptions to that, but they are called exceptions for a reason.
I keep thinking, if I did date someone younger with a big gap, for example 5 years, when I get to 30, they'll be 25, and by then, that will seem really young to me. It would be too weird. 25 and 30 can be a big gap in terms of maturity, life goals, career prospects, money earning potential and educational attainment. Sure, if there was an exception, I'd think about it, but otherwise, no way. The majority of 25 year olds I know are in post grad degrees, taking masters and doctorates which would be incompatible with career me at 30.
And, right now, I wouldn't date older than 30, and even that seems too old for me. Sure, if it was the right person, but it's the whole life stages thing coming into play for me, and older men thinking they can have their own way with younger women. I don't want to end up in that kind of relationship. I've had too many awful experiences with older men that I never want to even entertain the idea of being with one. Too old or too young...it's just icky for me on a lot of levels. It'd have to be a really special guy for me to break any of my age boundaries.
The largest age gap I've seen amongst the friendship circles I move in is 6 years, older guy and younger woman and they still seem to be going strong, but then again, they're both professionals and earn pretty much equal pay, so there's no using each other for money which I think goes along way in making the relationship equitable.
They met when she was just at the end of her first year at university and he was doing a doctorate. Now she's doing her doctorate on the side and he's helping her write it. I think they're planning on marrying after their careers are a bit more advanced and their education is finished.
It's nice to see a younger couple have it all worked out instead of rushing into it shotgun style and messing up. At least if they do eventually have children, they'll have travelled, finished their education, become even more financially secure and accomplished a lot of their life goals. So I'm hopping there won't be a sudden divorce on the cards for them. They're such a nice couple.
Amongst my friends' parents though, there are some pretty big gaps of 8-10 years or more, with the men being older in the majority of couples.
A lot of them ended in divorce and the man traded in for someone younger, which totally screwed up my friends. Or in one unusual case, the younger woman left the man for another woman.
I think they're the kind of guys I encounter who start blabbing about how their wife let herself go after children and became lazy, then they think I'm some idiot who'll want to be a bit of hot fun on the side in exchange for presents.
Those guys have the morals of alley cats. They should go back to their wives and be grateful they even have a family when they're behaving like that. :bored: There really should be age limits on student hangouts to prevent these kind of losers being allowed in. It really kills the night and ruins the image of respectable older men who would never dream of being like that.
Just like you can meet similar people who are stay at home parents. This notion that those who get married and raise their kids themselves are somehow ruining their lives is a bit alien to me.
It's not being parents or marriage that screws up the children or themselves for life, it's the affairs, the arguing, resentment, unfulfilled dreams and the divorces that follow.
I have adult friends still in therapy because of selfish fathers who had repeated flings and then abandoned their children and left their wives financially up the creek without a paddle, making up lies about their shares and investments to cut down on support payments. One idiot even cut his nose off to spite his face and declared bankruptcy, even though he had an impressive assets portfolio. Then he teased his ex wife about her not getting a penny of his hard earned cash. :facepalm:
That's all I hear from my friends of divorced parents at times, how their father's messed them up, and some even blame their mother's for putting up with it and being weak...I don't get why they blame the mother though. Sounds like they're powerless in a lot of these divorces where the man just kicks them out.
The asses got away with it too because they could afford solicitors who know the loopholes and the wives just had to take what they were given because they had no jobs and no money except for their allowance from their husband. Relying on a man just isn't a safe thing to do these days, especially with younger women out to bag these men, and these men more than willing to go along because the grass seems greener with a young women without children.
Just go on the mothers forums and see these women posting about their husbands demanding divorce out of nowhere and then revealing they have a younger woman lined up to move in once the wife and children are out. Then these women have no idea what to do and are very hurt that they gave up their lives to support a man who betrayed them in the most intimate and hurtful way.
The husbands suddenly felt that divorce was grounds to financially abandon the woman they once loved, who gave up their bodies, energy, careers and even their mental health to care for their children; because they felt the woman did no work and should have earned her own money. Talk about a kick in the teeth for her and the children. :bored:
Situations like that get me so angry. Sure, no one goes into marriage thinking of divorce, but if the marriage does go South, women always need a quick get-out plan in case the worst happens. Otherwise a woman has no option but to suffer and take it if she relies on her husband for everything. I guess that's the risk they take with marriage, and won't know it's too late till maybe 5 or even 10 years later.
Marriage is just too much of a risk these days, especially emotionally and financially. Sure, back in the day when it was basically a contract then I guess it was accepted that women married for money and security in exchange for children and sex, and men were just wage slaves with huge earning pressure.
But these days, it's not advisable for a woman or man to enter into a marriage with nothing, no money and no job, because it more likely they will end up vulnerable position when the partner either dies, becomes unable to work through illness, or has had enough and moves on to spouse number 2 and divorces for no reason other than feeling stifled by children they claimed to want.
That's just how it is these days, that's what the reality is for a lot of people and they have to be prepared for that, especially with children involved.
All I can say is thank goodness my Mum didn't decided to turn my Dad out on his ear when he took time off to look after me by claiming he did no work. Having him around really formed me into who I am today. Children need their Dads, bonus if they can stay home either part or full time. They can do just as well, if not better than Mums.
Then again, my Dad was also working from home earning money, did all the stereotypical 'women work' along with my Mum after she had a long day at work. But still, the point is, my Mum didn't kick him out for being some perceived lazy bum and go around having affairs.
They had a very egalitarian relationship on the whole. Sets a good example when there are female children.
When my Dad was unable to work for months following a heart attack and stroke, it was lucky my Mum also had a well paying job otherwise we would've been screwed. As it was, we just had to downsize to a 4 bedroom and my Mum made my Dad take a lot of time off work, even though he felt ashamed for not earning, and she made him get a less stressful job at reduced pay because he was more important than money.
They did a lot better than the majority of my friends' parents who completely messed up.
It's their messed up and failed marriages, my friend's divorce, other friends messed up by their parents' divorce, along with creepy older guys hitting on me while complaining about their wives that has made me so wary and jaded about marriage and a woman's worth in it. I want to believe that it works, that vows actually mean something, but with what I've seen, it seems nearly impossible.
What's the point if the guy will turn around, maybe 10 years later, and say he wants you out of the house you shared, you let yourself go after children , and you do no work so none of my money for you, ps, I found a younger woman who looks a lot like you did in your prime and she's moving in.
It's awful that that's the end result of something that was a serious commitment made in church with vows. Do wedding promises mean nothing these days?:bored:
And it seems to turn into such hatred and bitterness on all sides, especially over money, who did the most work in the relationship, and who has the children full time when one or the other doesn't want to be tied down by them. What's the point in it all if that is what happens?
At least I can afford to not marry, or if I do, that guy is signing a pre and post nuptial contract just in case. No way he's benefitting from me after cheating. My parents always told me to protect my assets; sure it's a glib way of looking at it, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
I think older people of my grandparent's generation did marriage much better. At least there was less divorce, and more respect for each other. Then again, there was no leaving a marriage if it went abusive either...anyway...
My Nana was with her husband until he died. They both worked and had really good careers, they respected each other, had date nights and took marriage seriously, and did what was best for the children.
I'm sure they had their spats, but they never threw in the towel and they loved each other dearly.
In later life, my Nana cared for my Grandfather full time because he got very ill. But she didn't see him as a burden to divorce or bundle off to a nursing home. She loved him and respected him and wanted to look after him in their home. When he passed, she didn't want to date or remarry because she said no one else would be the same and she felt like she would be unfaithful to him doing that.
Anyway, my main point with that part was that I don't know why more young people and people of my parents generation don't treat marriage with the same respect and serious commitment, instead of suddenly feeling trapped by children or marriage and then filing for a divorce or having an affair.
This really has turned into a rant from me. But, that's how I feel about these subjects right now and it feels pretty darn good to just type it all out knowing my friends have no idea I'm even on a forum and will never see the whole garbled thing. I don't think they think I'm capable of this kind of rant...maybe I've absorbed too many of their rants? But I do tend to agree with them on things like this considering they lived these messed up situations.
*storms off to her rage corner*
