What Are You Thinking?
- Thread starter NotSoAwesomeFaise
- Start date
Nah, no worries about that. It's a short-term position for summer, not a long-lasting one, and for a fixed term. If I am hired, I cannot be fired too easily, according to the law. Basically firing me after that would require a war or me getting to the workplace drunk. The nature of the work is also unaffected by COVID.
Also, getting that job isn't a necessity for me (that's why I dare to ask better salary
if it was a necessity, I'd do it for the minimum wage). I've got another plans for summer in case I am not hired. I sort of let it in the hands of fate: if I'm not hired, I'll take on plan B. No worries. I had troubles deciding between those plans anyway, and I'm as happy without this position as I would be with it. 
I swear, it was just knowledge and experience in the field of public procurement law, which is usually not considered too interesting among other law students. Nothing as exciting as Taken.
The interview went well. I think I'm in a pretty good position, but I heard there are a lot of applicants, so we'll see how it turns out. Like I said, I don't feel bad if I'm not hired, I'll just let time and fate decide about my summer plans.
Contract arrived today - time to sign that bad boy and send it back by Monday.
Dissociation can be such a weird trip sometimes. You can just be sitting there, talking to someone and right in the middle of your conversation, you get hit with that "Holy ****, they're real...I'm real. Why does this feel like a dream? Is this really what I sound like? What are they seeing right now? Can they see the panic in my eyes? What is reality? What if none of this is actually happening? What if I'm just part of someone's else dream? A figment of their imagination?"
Whoo, gotta love when you tumble down that rabbit hole.
Whoo, gotta love when you tumble down that rabbit hole.
It's been on and off with my writing for quite a while. Every time when I've got happy for getting some writing done, it hasn't lasted long. So a while ago I got advice from the mentor program: she told me to just write anything I want to, without thinking about the technical or artistic details.
Now it seems that forcing some writing routine really works. My writing is finally consistent - and it hasn't been that since the last year's competition. It was the classical second book issue: nothing was good enough after the first big success. Now I'm liking it again, both the work and the results.
I haven't changed my mind, I still think that "lack of inspiration" is a myth, but boy it feels good when MONTHS of forcing my ass down to write at least something finally pays off.
Honestly, I was damn worried about it some time ago. "I don't know if I'm I even liking this anymore" were my exact words to the mentor... on December, I guess.
Now it seems that forcing some writing routine really works. My writing is finally consistent - and it hasn't been that since the last year's competition. It was the classical second book issue: nothing was good enough after the first big success. Now I'm liking it again, both the work and the results.
I haven't changed my mind, I still think that "lack of inspiration" is a myth, but boy it feels good when MONTHS of forcing my ass down to write at least something finally pays off.
Honestly, I was damn worried about it some time ago. "I don't know if I'm I even liking this anymore" were my exact words to the mentor... on December, I guess.
Daughter's boyfriend's mum wants to meet me.
Ugh. Now I have to pretend like I'm a normal grown-up and not say anything dumb.
Going to be impossible.
Ugh. Now I have to pretend like I'm a normal grown-up and not say anything dumb.
Going to be impossible.
Im sure it'll be fine. Kids don't realize there's a pandemic and just want to kiss and love without restraint. Just go and be polite.
Just gotta write up the Acknowledgments page and figure out who I'm putting in the dedication--then I get to mess around with the interior formatting and finally commission the cover. It's almost noon. I should really get myself something to eat. 
This brought me a memory of my grandmother (rest in peace).
When I was going to meet my boyfriend's mother for the first time ever, my grandma was horrified because I had red hair back then. And not like ginger red or anything, it was blood-red. You see, my grandma had heard that my boyfriend's mother is religious. So she told me "You have to get rid of that hair dye before seeing her! She's a fine, Christian lady, she's gonna think that her son is dating A HARLOT."
I informed her that my boyfriend's mom has got red hair as well. In which my grandma immediately responded: "Natural red is a different thing." And I responded with the truth: "It's dyed."
She didn't comment on my hair color ever after that. And my boyfriend's mother is my mother-in-law nowadays, and very dear to me... despite the kind of HARLOT her son chose to marry.
She still has dyed red hair, by the way. Brownish, though. I've got some kind of sandy ash blonde, close enough to my natural colour. Dyed.
I'm not at all grown-up.
In the slightest.
Trying to be a regular adult when I'm with people I don't know is exhausting...plus every relationship my daughter has is "super serious" so I have to make a good impression.
My daughter is as childish as I am, but she's almost 20 and gets away with it. I'm 38 and I really can't.
Plus I hate meeting new people. Makes me anxious.
In the slightest.
Trying to be a regular adult when I'm with people I don't know is exhausting...plus every relationship my daughter has is "super serious" so I have to make a good impression.
My daughter is as childish as I am, but she's almost 20 and gets away with it. I'm 38 and I really can't.
Plus I hate meeting new people. Makes me anxious.
Thinking about Vergil and Dante swapping alignments and I realized a Bad Guy Version of Dante would just be Spike from Buffy....
I'd probably dig it.
I'd probably dig it.
Dear Bristol,
You are making things worse.
Regards,
The rest of the country
You are making things worse.
Regards,
The rest of the country
Can't sleep. Too warm. At times like this my mind wonders. It occurs to me that I've reached a point in my life where I can say' my favorite videogame is 20 years old. It really isn't a matter of feeling old but rather curiosity as to whether or not I'm stick, unable to find something new.
Maybe it's an unconscious unwillingness. Maybe I really am to old for my age. Kinda always been. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
Maybe it's an unconscious unwillingness. Maybe I really am to old for my age. Kinda always been. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
Just do what I do and pretend you don't speak English.
Sounds like our current president. lol
Sleepy Joe Biden is the worst president I've ever seen. How did these Democrats select a loser?
1, is that videogame the first Devil May Cry?
2, in case it's not, and your fave is a different title; have you tried evaluating what it is that you enjoy in your 20-year-old favorite videogame, and where it is new videogames have failed to deliver? There's no shame in, say, having a favorite RPG and admitting new RPGs are too horny, too overacted, too two-dimensional in execution of their characters because they spent so much time in graphics, realism, voice acting, and "making characters relatable/likeable" to realize that a good story inspires people to actually practice empathy in connecting to others that have their own separate opinions, thoughts, and motivations and don't cater to the audience's borderline-teenage narcissism via the MCs being bland self-inserts that anyone can project into like a cheap YA protagonist, because people have forgotten nuance and think a character being Sad and Hurt all the time means they're compelling when they're not, they and the game they come in are more like an overexpensive selfie that caters to people's solipsism and a secret-not-secret desire to be the popular thing everyone else has and knows and relates to and likes even if that's as a product to be consumed and eventually replaced, and a lot of modern stories are being told as a Series Of Events That Happen and don't answer the question of "What Do[es] The Main Character(s) Do, Though?"
Or maybe that's just me admitting it.
Lack of inspiration is 100% a myth. There is no Inspiration Fairy that descends from on high to sprinkle your brain with writing skills. And if that Fairy does exist, you have to fire them, because consistently being AWOL when they have such an essential function is unacceptable everywhere else.
Quieting your inner editor (read: inner perfectionist) is tough at times, especially when you've gotten skilled enough to know of those technical and artistic details, but your brain is telling you that you should know it enough to get everything right on the first try all the time because that's totally what Being Experienced means, which is not possible and has never happened. Being a Writer is an ongoing process so there is no line an author crosses where they are Experienced and The End, that's all there is. It's counterproductive to writing. A.K.A., "First Drafts" are supposed to Suck, the same way an underdrawing or a storyboard is supposed to Suck, in that it exists to lay the groundwork for the skill to come in later. Set the foundation now and chip away at it later. Like sculpting, but with words.
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Aye, ladd, it is.
Even for it being so, I did that, too. I've also all the rest. I started playing these games around 2005 so I've had plenty o' time for analytical pondering. Did a whole hour long thing of it. If my computer hadn't died there'd be a version in Spanish, too, which is still coming, actually.
New word of the day. Neat.
When I was having my shortened-by-COVID-exchange semester in Germany, I learned very quickly that telling those beggars or charity spokesmen on the street "Sorry, I don't speak German" (which is a lie) doesn't work. Well, sometimes it does, because German people at least in Lower Saxony are surprisingly shy to speak English, but at the worst they just told me "It's fine, miss, we can speak English". Saying "no" is damn hard for me so it was really a nightmare.
Then I figured I could just tell them "Emmää mittää saksaa puhu, sori", aka "I don't speak German" in my widest possible dialect-toned native Finnish.
I was a bit embarrassed when I did it the first times, but damn, it worked like a charm
Once again I have to tell you that you kinda "emptied the payazzo" with your words. (It's an idiomatic saying of my language, meaning that after you there's pretty much nothing left to add anymore.) Thanks.
I'm very familiar with those exact thought patterns. After last summer I haven't been able to finish a single short story. I've been sending first or second drafts to our writing club and had amazing and well-thought feedback, but I haven't just done anything about it. It goes like "well, this idea is not good enough anyway, so I see no point in making it better", which is a damn insane and STUPID way to think about it. It's not about the feedback I've got, it's been useful as always and the club has constantly encouraged me to work with those short stories – as they did when I showed them the story that later got awarded. Just that... I don't know. It's about me, nothing else, and the f*cked-up state of perfectionism. No idea has felt good enough for some time. My list of rejected ideas and one-page-starters has been growing insanely fast.
Damn, it took some actual tears to force myself to keep on going with that routine and write at least something in a regular manner, even though it felt like I had to make every sentence sound like they're gonna detonate the literary world, and anything less would be a failure. But now I've found my voice again. My writing is a lot slower as it used to be, but at least it's productive. I dug up an old manuscript and I'm finally excited about it!
+ The hell with "lack of inspiration", I agree with that too. There's always something else, be it overthinking, pure laziness, lack of self-respect, depression, or any other illness. "Inspiration" is not a reason to do or leave undone. Been there, done that.
(Btw, if you feel like you'd like to receive that hand-written letter I mentioned a while ago, just inform me about an address where to send it. No worries though, it's fine if you don't want to share that kind of personal info with some creep at DMC forum
)
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They called me. I wasn't chosen, and as I said, I'm fine with that.Also, getting that job isn't a necessity for me (that's why I dare to ask better salary
But the thing that bothers me is that they told me I was a fine applicant and my experience would've been more than enough, but they ended up chosing another applicant who had been working with this kind of stuff in an attorney's office, and therefore they had got some court preparation experience about it.
Well, the thing is that right now I'm working with a damn expensive court case (worth some millions) with a group of attorneys BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT IN THE INTERVIEW!
So I'm a bit annoyed by my own stupidity, but I'll take this as a fine chance to carry out a project that I've been planning to launch since summer 2019. Let's just say, "The fate decided that plan B suits me well".