He only talks to me when he drinks..

[Vergillicious]

I have this friend but he moved away and he only talks to me when he's drunk. He's an alcoholic and he is one of those type that considers himself a "LoneWolf" he texts and calls me but only when he has been drinking. We had both gotten out of long relationships and then we started to get close quite fast (bad idea) and he had to leave right when it was going so well. I have strong feelings for him but he never tells me how he feels when I ask him. He has been adopted when he was a child. And I hear that most people that were adopted and had been told by their foster parents it's hard for them to open up. I just care about him so much but I'm trying to keep my feelings for him apart. Cause I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hurt me. There are also sometimes when I try and talk to him on the phone he doesn't seem to care and he just watches tv or whatever. And I just find that very rude, but I don't say anything and keep talking. And there was this one time he asked me why I haven't added him on Facebook and he wanted my honest answer. So I cleared my throat and he was like "yeah you better clear it good" and i was thinking wtf? So after clearing my throat I took a big sigh right before answering. And he took that as my answer and I was like "um I was about to give you the answer" then he replied "ok, I'll go with that.." And I was like "why did you ask if you didn't want to know the answer?" He said "I think I know the answer.." And I said "then why you make such a big deal out of it?" And I don't remember what he told me after that. I send him recording of covers of songs that I had sung. And he would like them, the first song I sent him he told me it almost made him cry and for the times he was with his ex she never once did that for him. He used to send me pictures and videos but not anymore. Sometimes I feel that he's just opening me up to hurt me. Cause he knows I like him a lot. Apart of me just saiyan give up on him. And another is saying keep trying..but I feel like he's just messing with me cause he always tells me I'm cute and acts like a wolf in text. And when I was working I told him that when I go visit him I asked him if it would be alright for him and I to walk on the beach at night time and he said that he would like nothing better "

Ugh..I don't know what to do..

 

[Loopy]

Sounds complicated.
So, he's moved away, right? And he only wants to talk when he is drunk...doesn't sound like a good relationship to me. Seems like he's messing you around and hurting you. Maybe he doesn't realise he is doing it, but it's not good for you to stick around when someone is behaving like this. It only makes the hurt worse when someone ignores or is rude, then suddenly acts interested, only to ignore and be rude again. Seems like this guy will keep doing it too.

Guys like that aren't worth it. He knows he's got you interested in him and probably thinks he can take you for granted. Ignore the guy...I bet then he would suddenly start showing interest. He just likes messing with you from the sounds of it, and likes knowing that you're easy to string along.That story about him crying, it could be a lie he uses to get sympathy and make girls feel for him. He could be saying this to other girls. With guys like that, nothing is certain.

I'd say leaving him alone, especially if he lives a long distance, is the right thing to do. You're getting hurt and that's not good. Sure, it might be hard at first, but maybe it's time to let go. There are other guys out there who will treat you like a human being and give you the respect and kindness that you deserve instead of messing with your head. ^_^

In the end, only you know what is best for you. Take some time doing what you like, try not to think about him or have contact with him, and see how you feel without him being a presence in your life. It might be hard at first, but it could help you to decide what you want.

 

[DoomSlayer87_Sss]

that was great advice loopy gave you from a guys perspective it sounds like he is stringing you along and sees you more as a close friend who he has to rant to or chat to when he is drunk and lonely u are too nice to him so i feel if ye got together he would use you judging by how he sounds as a person so id say stay friends and meet someone else our hearts can like and love mulltiple people so dnt put your future happyness on hold for a what if with this guy plus alchoholics make there partners life a misery

 

[Vergillicious]

Yeah that's exactly what my friends tell me that I'm just going to get myself hurt and badly if I stick around. Why is it that the bad guys like me? Maybe cause I am the way that I am..easy. But I'm not a girl that will just put out either. Before he moved away he seemed more legit. But now that he's far away he's completely different and acts more coldly and rude and he talks about himself most of the time. And he talks to my mother sometimes and my little brother. It's sad cause my little brother likes him a lot he sees him as another brother. The last nights when he was still here I remember him asking me why do I like him? That I have so much potential and that I shouldn't fall for him. There were times when he would wipe my tears away, and there were times that he was talking about his mother and the fact that she has cancer. And we would drive down to the beach and we would talk about him leaving and his mother. He had planned on moving way before him and I met. And so I feel that he didn't want to get close to me any further than we had, cause it would have made it that much harder for him to leave. I remember when we had talked at the beach he was really sad, and he wasn't drunk and he got out of the vehicle and jogged down to the oceans edge and sat down hugging his knees. I got out and walked until I came up behind him and knelt down and wrapped my arms around him from behind. And he told me that was the first time that someone genuinely cared. But there were good times that I had shared with him it wasn't bad not really. I had the most fun times with him than with any guy. Maybe hard to believe but it's the truth. He's been hurt pretty deep but he has also hurt others deeply as well. He has abandonment issues. He keeps himself closed and has a wall up he's very timid. I've heard that while he was with his ex for 6 years he had been seeing other girls each chance that he got. And then when he wasn't getting the attention that he got, he would come back to his girlfriend. That he just took advantage of her but he told me that she was a good girl and how she was so independent. And how they would do everything together. To be honest it hurt hearing how much he loved her..and I meant nothing to him, so it seemed. For some reason he said that I was the most compadable to him. Again another part of me want to let go but the other wants to believe. But that's where love is blind comes in..

Oh I forgot to mention, he also would make us breakfast we would cuddle, play video games. When I would have really bad eczema he would look up stuff that would help it. He really was sweet to me..so he's not completely bad. Ever since he moved he has changed but for the worst..when he was still here I didn't feel that I had a reason to be sad..I was genuinely happy being around him. So..yeah maybe you will see now why it's hard for me to just give up and let go...

But I am truly grateful for your advice and I will take that into consideration

 

[MephistoCarnival]

I see your problem.
While I'm a girl and I know how hard it must be to you,I can give you some advice,but the rest depends on you to make your own choice.
I can see from what you wrote that he is the type of guy to be a little bit bipolar,because one time he is caring and such and then he hurts you,I think this is due to his hard life and the problems he has regarding his mother and himself.When such things happen,people can become emotional unstable and can't make themselves their own decision anymore and search for comfort from people but deep inside them they're still hurt.If he finds relief in alcohol then I can't say this is the best choice to do in his case.I know that such people with life problems can seem hurt but take care because it can be influential or that he might search only for comfort on your part rather than having a long relationship with you.I don't say that you need to isolate him because he has problems,but I think you should keep a friendship because it would be hard for you if you want a serious relationship,he doesn't seem the type who would want a serious one.
I think these are gestures of comfort rather than love.I think he needs from time to time some comfort and compassion to forget about his problems but that's it..It would be hard to keep a relationship with him in the situation you just said,also because he hurts you ocasionally it's a signal that he doesn't want you to approach too much..
I think time will make you forget about him and find someone else who is better,but try to find someone who would still respect and treat you nicely even if has his own problems and not hurt you.I don't say you should keep him apart,but you should try and help him be more opened up to people and you but don't involve yourself in a relationship,especially if you want a long and stable one.Treat him as a friend,rather than a lover..

 

[Gel]

Sorry if I'm too blunt, but you should avoid to become more than a friend to him. For what you told us he just seems a womanizer and a emotional leech, so don't let him become too dependable of you or even emotionally overpower you.
More than your affection he seems to try to get in your pants; as soon as he gets, he will disappear from you again.
Be alert and keep your self preservation: you worthy of it.

 

[Loopy]

He has abandonment issues. He keeps himself closed and has a wall up he's very timid. I've heard that while he was with his ex for 6 years he had been seeing other girls each chance that he got. And then when he wasn't getting the attention that he got, he would come back to his girlfriend. That he just took advantage of her but he told me that she was a good girl and how she was so independent. And how they would do everything together. To be honest it hurt hearing how much he loved her..and I meant nothing to him, so it seemed. For some reason he said that I was the most compadable to him. Again another part of me want to let go but the other wants to believe. But that's where love is blind comes in..

What you mention right here is quite worrying. To talk about an ex like that to you, to say he cheated on her, while probably knowing how you feel is wrong. He's trying to get you jealous and hook you into wanting him more.He's even admitting that he took advantage of his girlfriend and the other girls he was seeing at the same time. If he can admit cheating and do it so freely, then it is not a good idea to be involved with him. Sooner or later, he would do it to you if you let him become close.

There's a saying: once a cheater, always a cheater. If a guy or girl can cheat once, they will continue to cheat. This guy you're talking about seems like he just wants a doormat to make excuses for him and take him back each time he cheats. Don't become that doormat for him. Don't allow him to use your feelings for him as a weapon against you.

Plus, if he has such deep issues, no matter how hard you try, it is very hard for a person to get over issues like that. The person trying to help get over the issues gets dragged down too and their live becomes affected.Sometimes some people just can't be helped, no matter how much we want to help the person. Sometimes people have to work out life for themselves and deal with their own issues.

 

[DoomSlayer87_Sss]

he doesnt realise what he is missing out on thats his loss he doesnt deserve you the way he is acting i couldnt do that to my fiancee i lover too much she is like my air i cnt live without her but dnt let her know shhh ha anyway i wouldnt have found her if i hadnt gone looking nd i had been hurt my ex had been cheating and i didnt trust women for ages but now i have a beautiful lady a child on the way nd we are getting married next year i am happy out so what im getting at is although you may feel down or confused your soul mate is out there for you to find it aint this guy he wnt commit to you or treat u right so for your sanity and you feelings you need to let him be and find a guy who will love you back nd treat you right

 

[Maxman]

Sorry if am being rude but,
Dump dat guy immediately
Why ?
Cuz a Nice Girl such as Yourself who genuinely loves a Guy doesn't deserve to be treated like this,
I know it's kinda hard, But I tell ya, you'll eventually move on, and find a better Guy than Dat

I have a Crush at School, I seriously CANNOT think treating her like dat

 

[MephistoCarnival]

What others say,you seem just too nice and compassionate and you put a lot of feelings regarding someone like him,but he doesn't deserve them..

 

[Vergillicious]

Thank you everyone for your support I am so thankful...man..it hurts..it makes me not want to love again..sometimes I think that love isn't for me I'm afraid of getting to attached and getting hurt...and I just close myself off I feel that love has corrupted me and it hurts..before I ever loved anyone I believe I was very happy carefree and I could just be myself. I didn't have to impress anyone but myself. I'm scared to love..to be loved..that's why I should just give up on it and make myself happy again. I just need to delet him from my Facebook and change my number. And only give it to those that I'm close to, friends and family..that way I won't get hurt...

 

[Demi-fiend]

I used to have this problem...

... But then, I turned myself off emotionally.

Like a boss.

How did I do this? Well, while I have had crushes before, I realized that every crush after the last one was better suited for me than the previous crush.

So, I realized that all I have to do is think about what I want... and look in the right places -- such as anime conventions, tumblr, video game/comic book stores, and the like.

Tip for the guys: Take yoga and/or Pilates. Your chances of meeting someone skyrocket at a gym class.

Oh, and if you can afford it, learn to play an instrument. It helps.


P.S.

I don't have any crushes right now, because I've learned to control my emotions. It was a painful road getting here, but I'm glad that I can keep them in check whenever a potential match comes along.

 

[DoomSlayer87_Sss]

you are doing the right thing take time for you let the thoughts of what you wanna do for the future what you like whats fun for you fill your mind go out enjoy yourself hang with your friends and enjoy life let all this built up emotion flush from ur system

 

[Demi-fiend]

"yeah you better clear it good"

I cracked up so hard at this. What a troglodyte. :lol:

My former, nice-guy self would have been offended at this before. Now I don't even care and can see how, in the right context, it can be rather hilarious.

I myself am not a total jerk, however. I choose to model myself after dark anti-heroes (like most guys do).

... Also, gravelly-voiced broody-men who take themselves too seriously.

But how can you not love this trailer?

... With a dash of whatever comedian I happen to stumble upon.

Oh yeah, another tip for the guys. Learn comedy. Not only does it help you find a significant other, it also helps you become less socially-awkward (or at least, pretend to be).

And I recognized good comedy when your crush told you, "yeah, you better clear it good."

Ah, pure gold, right there.


Edit:

I love Johnny Cash's "God's Gonna Cut You Down". Here's another anti-hero (or villain, depending on your point of view) trailer that uses it at the very end.

I have to find this remixed version of this song in the trailer. Epic.

Also, in case anyone wants to listen to just the song itself:

That'll put you in the mood when fantasizing about plotting revenge against your crush.

Because I know you've done it. We all have. :shifty:

Woe befall the next girl who calls me a "nice guy". :ermm:

 

[Vergillicious]

I just don't get why I had to meet someone like him..someone that is so heartless and he thinks that he has it worse than others just cause he was adopted?! I've told him that people have dealt with worse situations. And he always brags about where he's at and what he has. I don't know why people like him have to mess with people's emotions and just use them making them think that he cares about them even just a little. When ever I tell him something serious he tells me that I'm cute..and it's annoying cause he just wants to waste my time. I used to have serious conversations with him when he wasn't drunk. But somehow that has changed.

 

[Maxman]

Poor Vergillicious, :'(
I got an Idea ! All you gotta do is Simply Get Drunk and while yer Drunk, tell him to GTFO and **** , He'll probably **** his pants and won't ever dare to mess with ya again xD

 

[Vergillicious]

Poor Vergillicious, :'(
I got an Idea ! All you gotta do is Simply Get Drunk and while yer Drunk, tell him to GTFO and **** , He'll probably **** his pants and won't ever dare to mess with ya again xD

I'm not that kind of person

 

[Vergillicious]

Besides I think I'm over trying to become more than friends. I've realized this for quite sometime actually. I guess the wanting more was more like wishful thinking than anything. But yeah, I do just want a good friendship with him but sometimes I feel that he doesn't even want that. He needs more of compassion than passion but he's just one of those type that knows he can get any girl he wants and with that kind of personality is not good for anyone to be with him.

 

[Maxman]

I'm not that kind of person

Lol, am just kidding
But yeah, stay away from him at ALL COSTS

 

[Vergillicious]

Lol, am just kidding
But yeah, stay away from him at ALL COSTS

So I shouldn't be friends with him at all?