He only talks to me when he drinks..

[Vergillicious]

AHHHH! Sorry

 

[ROCKMAN X]

What do you mean being lenient and giving him wayyy to much liberty?

Well you're putting up for his B.S and letting him boss you around.

 

[Vergillicious]

Hmm..I guess I don't know how not to..maybe treat him like how my older siblings treated me and bossed me around..

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

or simply ignore the drunk calls and tell him if he wants u as a friend then ring when he is sober respect you and stop makin it all about him if he isnt prepared to do that much even to salvage friendship from this then cutting ties is your only option

 

[Vergillicious]

I know...it's just that..I never was forced to cut people off..and I just think that it's so sad and really freaking hard to do, especially when you value someone but they just don't or can't do the same. It's almost like I'm holding onto...actually..I don't know, I'm just holding on

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

confront him on it and see what he says if he doesnt care then you have to let go or you will be stuck in an endless spiral of worry angst and misery and you need to be enjoying life you only get one life

 

[Loopy]

Hmm..I guess I don't know how not to..maybe treat him like how my older siblings treated me and bossed me around..

Well if you were treated like that by your siblings, then you've been conditioned to accept that behaviour. It's time to break out of that cycle. You'll feel much better for it.

I know...it's just that..I never was forced to cut people off..and I just think that it's so sad and really freaking hard to do, especially when you value someone but they just don't or can't do the same. It's almost like I'm holding onto...actually..I don't know, I'm just holding on

If he doesn't value you, which is clear from your messages here that he doesn't, then let him go. He's not good for you, and he's holding you back from finding someone who will really care about you. It's your life, and you need to take control of it; even if it means forcing yourself to let go of people who have a negative impact on your life

 

[Maxman]

Man, Vergillicious, Dis Guy doesn't value you, And he is COMPLICATED AS FU!@$#%t%^^$ !!!!!! And I gotta agree with Mr.Loopy, He is holding you back from finding a Great Guy in yer life who will CARE & VALUE you !

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

loopy is a girl ha ^^

 

[Loopy]

loopy is a girl ha ^^

It's cool. I don't mind.^_^

Man, Vergillicious, Dis Guy doesn't value you, And he is COMPLICATED AS FU!@$#%t%^^$ !!!!!! And I gotta agree with Mr.Loopy, He is holding you back from finding a Great Guy in yer life who will CARE & VALUE you !

Very true. For guy and girls: if you're with someone who drags you down and makes you upset, or feel small; then break away from that person and find someone who will treat you properly. It's hard to do, but it's worth it in the end.

 

[Vergillicious]

Why do I always fall for the douchebags...there was only one guy that I had a long relationship but it just didn't work out cause just wasn't happy with it but we never opened up to each other..so we had to end it. I don't know if I really want to open up again to be honest..

 

[DanteStyle]

The mind once damaged cannot be fixed, it's sad but it's the truth. If he chooses to stop drinking that will be because he wants to, but he will still have "AD" attachment disorder along with depression and trust issues. The person who caused the issue is the only one who can help start fixing him. However his "real" mother would be a good start. As long as he wanted to be helped. You will be better off walking away from him.

It sucks to let someone go, but you need to, your love and compassion is wasted on him, it will never do any good for him. He feels that he was never loved and the sad truth is he doesn't know how too love. He cannot learn either, the way "AD" people act is all the same.

It is an actual mental disorder caused by mental trauma, the symptoms are all the same.

I'm sorry, look I know your friend is trying to protect you but this is BS.
Yes, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, but at least make sure he knows from time to time that you're there when he's ready to take the step.
And no. Finding his 'real' mother is not going to be a good start. Most often it's for negative reasons that adoption is taken onboard, whether it be because of financial, social or emotional reasons that it was done. A good starting point would be for him to talk to his PARENTS - the people who cared enough to take him in as their own rather than some fluky woman out there who had whatever reason not to hold onto him.
He needs to fix himself before he even thinks about backtracking into the past to find his real parents. Otherwise you might as well be throwing someone who can't swim into the deep end of the ocean to drown, y'know?
And don't ever think that your love and compassion is wasted, not on him or anyone. Even if you don't see results right away or it's not acknowledged, it IS having an effect on him. Some people wouldn't know happiness if it hit them in the eye, just like some people won't recognize what it's like to have someone genuinely care about them. Depression screws up your head and messes with your emotions, so I can give you better advice than your friend: he's not in his right mind. You knew him before he went downhill, you have a better idea of what he used to be like. Alcohol changes people, but once it's out of the picture they can and DO change back.

I'm no expert, I don't even know wth 'AD' attachment disorder is? But there is a moral line here to follow, you can choose to have his issues off your plate and carry on with your own life, or you can tough it out right beside him with the risk that you both might end up getting hurt. Personally, I'd stick with him until he gets himself together, at least. With that said, it is completely your choice what you decide to do. The fact that you made this thread means you're either considering parting ways with him, or you need encouragement to carry on.

But I'll say it again, your friend is talking utter BS.

 

[Vergillicious]

I'm sorry, look I know your friend is trying to protect you but this is BS.
Yes, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, but at least make sure he knows from time to time that you're there when he's ready to take the step.
And no. Finding his 'real' mother is not going to be a good start. Most often it's for negative reasons that adoption is taken onboard, whether it be because of financial, social or emotional reasons that it was done. A good starting point would be for him to talk to his PARENTS - the people who cared enough to take him in as their own rather than some fluky woman out there who had whatever reason not to hold onto him.
He needs to fix himself before he even thinks about backtracking into the past to find his real parents. Otherwise you might as well be throwing someone who can't swim into the deep end of the ocean to drown, y'know?
And don't ever think that your love and compassion is wasted, not on him or anyone. Even if you don't see results right away or it's not acknowledged, it IS having an effect on him. Some people wouldn't know happiness if it hit them in the eye, just like some people won't recognize what it's like to have someone genuinely care about them. Depression screws up your head and messes with your emotions, so I can give you better advice than your friend: he's not in his right mind. You knew him before he went downhill, you have a better idea of what he used to be like. Alcohol changes people, but once it's out of the picture they can and DO change back.

I'm no expert, I don't even know wth 'AD' attachment disorder is? But there is a moral line here to follow, you can choose to have his issues off your plate and carry on with your own life, or you can tough it out right beside him with the risk that you both might end up getting hurt. Personally, I'd stick with him until he gets himself together, at least. With that said, it is completely your choice what you decide to do. The fact that you made this thread means you're either considering parting ways with him, or you need encouragement to carry on.

But I'll say it again, your friend is talking utter BS.

For one, I never said that I knew him before he became this way
Second, how do you know that it's having an effect on him?
Third, I made this thread so I can try to understand him and why he is the way he is

 

[Vergillicious]

Ok..can we please..just lock this thread..or delete it? Please!

 

[V]

I have the same problem, only it's my mother.

We just don't talk at all any more. It feels wrong if someone has to be drunk to speak to me.

 

[DanteStyle]

For one, I never said that I knew him before he became this way
Second, how do you know that it's having an effect on him?
Third, I made this thread so I can try to understand him and why he is the way he is

Okay... I thought you said you knew him before he moved away and started drinking? But okay, whatever, it's just my opinion and experience as a depressive myself. I won't come back to your thread as it seems you took my post as some personal attack or something so, yeah. Sorry - and I'm outta here.

 

[Vergillicious]

Okay... I thought you said you knew him before he moved away and started drinking? But okay, whatever, it's just my opinion and experience as a depressive myself. I won't come back to your thread as it seems you took my post as some personal attack or something so, yeah. Sorry - and I'm outta here.

I met him like 2 months ago before he moved away. No it had nothing to do with your post. It's just that he's wasn't so bad in person, maybe the move just made him like this..I don't know. And I know that people have said the same thing..but I just feel that there is some part of him that's not bad that wants help that wants to be told that someone really actually cares. But..maybe I'm not the one to be telling him..

And no, I'm sorry and I didn't take your post as an attack..

 

[Loopy]

I met him like 2 months ago before he moved away.

So, you mean you've only known him for 2 months, and had only 2 months to spend time with him before he moved?
2 months isn't long enough to really know a person.
It's like having a crush or the beginning of dating someone. The first few months are great, you think the person is perfect, that they care about you, but then as the new relationship feeling wares off, the person shows what they are really like. Sometimes they can be bad people who were pretending to be nice for a few months just to get someone to like them.

At least if you've only known him 2 months, you should find it easier to work out what you want to do with your life.

 

[Vergillicious]

So, you mean you've only known him for 2 months, and had only 2 months to spend time with him before he moved?
2 months isn't long enough to really know a person.
It's like having a crush or the beginning of dating someone. The first few months are great, you think the person is perfect, that they care about you, but then as the new relationship feeling wares off, the person shows what they are really like. Sometimes they can be bad people who were pretending to be nice for a few months just to get someone to like them.

At least if you've only known him 2 months, you should find it easier to work out what you want to do with your life.

Yeah..I guess I'm pretty stupid huh..being so hung up over someone that I barely know..

 

[Vergillicious]

But either way I will still care a treat him as my friend and I'll always be there for him if he accepts that or not. I will not abandon someone special to me.