He only talks to me when he drinks..

[Maxman]

So I shouldn't be friends with him at all?

I dunno, But, you can try being friends as long as your feelings aren't there for him

 

[Vergillicious]

I dunno, But, you can try being friends as long as your feelings aren't there for him

Yeah I plan on just making myself numb and keeping my wall up around him. Pretty much around anyone except those that I'm already way close to already. Like no hugs just hand shakes and no eye contact either. I have a hard time looking st people in the eyes as it is. I pretty much should act that my heart is just a blackhole and can't feel

 

[Maxman]

Man, I seriously Dunno WTF is up with that Guy ? He's got a Loving Girl who cares for him genuinely yet hes treating her like this ? **** !

 

[Vergillicious]

Well..it's my fault for thinking that he wanted more *shrugs* it's my loss I guess. He just doesn't want to get close so he's pushing me away. That's just him protecting himself..

 

[Maxman]

What can I say ? But Yeah, don't let those feelings be a weakness !

Btw, how can I get my crush to notice me ?

 

[Vergillicious]

Hmm..well..just be yourself that's how I got noticed

 

[Demi-fiend]

Well..it's my fault for thinking that he wanted more *shrugs* it's my loss I guess. He just doesn't want to get close so he's pushing me away. That's just him protecting himself..

Hm... maybe. I think he has you on his "hook".

However... if he's just using you as an ego boost, I suggest you get out of there right away. Or, he could really just dislike you deep down and is actually trying to get rid of you.

I'm sorry, I just don't see a scenario where he actually wants a serious relationship with you.

What can I say ? But Yeah, don't let those feelings be a weakness !

Btw, how can I get my crush to notice me ?

Yeah, don't let those feelings be a weakness. But that's actually really hard to do. I had to get hurt by a lot of girls that I liked before getting used to the pain. Einstein says, "failing at the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity".

He was right. I was indeed crazy to hurt myself. But I had to learn one way or another. Now, due to all the strikes against my vulnerable emotional core, I can now endure even the harshest of burns.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "I've seen it all, and I know now what to expect."

About your crush...

David DeAngelo's ebook is a real eye-opener. For example, he says that a lot of women don't get dressed up for men, they get dressed up for each other.

Then they go to the club (or wherever the hell they meet) and give each other the bitch stare while they see who's better dressed. It's amazing.

Now, like I said before, if you want your crush to notice you, just learn to play an instrument.

Or... or... you could go out with someone else you like. Not to make her jealous, but so that you won't get so hung up on your crush to begin with. That's very important. Emotional detachment.

Go clothes shopping. If you can. I heard that there were some really cheap clothes in Nordstrom, although I could be wrong. Set aside a budget for clothes, a nice haircut, and a bit of exercise equipment. But only if you can. Oh, and make sure that you're clean shaven and have white teeth (the teeth thing is uber expensive, so practice the "brooding disinterested look" and just not smile, if you're feeling insecure about your mouth).

Also, take a yoga or Pilates class. Or take martial arts if you want. Just get active.

I'm not saying women are shallow, I'm saying that you need to look like you take care of yourself.

Let me put it this way. Would you go out with the "SunnyD and Rum girl"?

This is how all women above an 8 (in both looks and intelligence) see you. Yes, I swear to God. This is all on a subconscious level, however, so they don't realize they're doing it. The reason this is is because almost every guy hits on them 1000 times a day. So, by comparison, you're immediately "ugly" to their subconscious selves because you're "guy 1001". Get it?

There's also tumblr and other social sites. You might have better luck there than in real life.

Ok... so, to summarize... learn how to play an instrument (if possible, I know it's expensive), clean up your look, go out with someone else you like (once again, if possible), perform a physical activity you enjoy, go on social sites, and get a life. Busy people are attractive people.

What else...?

Don't come off desperate. Be sure that your crush has her personal space. Be flirtatious, but only sometimes. Otherwise, just talk to her about your interests... and about her interests, if the topic ever comes up.

And if she doesn't share your interests, well... you may wish to reconsider your crush. Personally, I would end the conversation right then and there... but that's just me.

Good luck. ^_^


Edit:

Hmm..well..just be yourself that's how I got noticed

Sure... if the girl (or guy) shares your interests... and even then, that's a stretch.

Otherwise, if you're going after that um... "untouchable" person, I suggest changing who you are... to the point where you become unrecognizable.

Yes, really.

You can call me shallow, you can say I'm insane, and you can say that I don't know what I'm talking about, but regardless I really suggest that Maxman follow the advice I posted above.

It's better than not doing much about your problem and wishing for your crush to notice you.

 

[Vergillicious]

All I re

I see your problem.
While I'm a girl and I know how hard it must be to you,I can give you some advice,but the rest depends on you to make your own choice.
I can see from what you wrote that he is the type of guy to be a little bit bipolar,because one time he is caring and such and then he hurts you,I think this is due to his hard life and the problems he has regarding his mother and himself.When such things happen,people can become emotional unstable and can't make themselves their own decision anymore and search for comfort from people but deep inside them they're still hurt.If he finds relief in alcohol then I can't say this is the best choice to do in his case.I know that such people with life problems can seem hurt but take care because it can be influential or that he might search only for comfort on your part rather than having a long relationship with you.I don't say that you need to isolate him because he has problems,but I think you should keep a friendship because it would be hard for you if you want a serious relationship,he doesn't seem the type who would want a serious one.
I think these are gestures of comfort rather than love.I think he needs from time to time some comfort and compassion to forget about his problems but that's it..It would be hard to keep a relationship with him in the situation you just said,also because he hurts you ocasionally it's a signal that he doesn't want you to approach too much..
I think time will make you forget about him and find someone else who is better,but try to find someone who would still respect and treat you nicely even if has his own problems and not hurt you.I don't say you should keep him apart,but you should try and help him be more opened up to people and you but don't involve yourself in a relationship,especially if you want a long and stable one.Treat him as a friend,rather than a lover..

All I really want in to comfort him..telling him that I genuinely care for him. A week ago or 2 he was drinking and I told him that he was hurting..and that I'm right here for him if he wanted to talk and that I just didn't want anything bad to happen to him. He's 25 and I'm scared for him that if he doesn't ease up on the drinking he's going to kill himself..and I know the people that care for him don't want that either

 

[Demi-fiend]

All I really want in to comfort him..telling him that I genuinely care for him. A week ago or 2 he was drinking and I told him that he was hurting..and that I'm right here for him if he wanted to talk and that I just didn't want anything bad to happen to him. He's 25 and I'm scared for him that if he doesn't ease up on the drinking he's going to kill himself..and I know the people that care for him don't want that either

I would have walked away at that point. If it really has gotten that bad, then it's a situation beyond anyone's help. Some people just can't be saved.

 

[Vergillicious]

I'm not wanting a seriiu

Hm... maybe. I think he has you on his "hook".

However... if he's just using you as an ego boost, I suggest you get out of there right away. Or, he could really just dislike you deep down and is actually trying to get rid of you.

I'm sorry, I just don't see a scenario where he actually wants a serious relationship with you.

Yeah, don't let those feelings be a weakness. But that's actually really hard to do. I had to get hurt by a lot of girls that I liked before getting used to the pain. Einstein says, "failing at the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity".

He was right. I was indeed crazy to hurt myself. But I had to learn one way or another. Now, due to all the strikes against my vulnerable emotional core, I can now endure even the harshest of burns.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "I've seen it all, and I know now what to expect."

About your crush...

David DeAngelo's ebook is a real eye-opener. For example, he says that a lot of women don't get dressed up for men, they get dressed up for each other.

Then they go to the club (or wherever the hell they meet) and give each other the bitch stare while they see who's better dressed. It's amazing.

Now, like I said before, if you want your crush to notice you, just learn to play an instrument.

Or... or... you could go out with someone else you like. Not to make her jealous, but so that you won't get so hung up on your crush to begin with. That's very important. Emotional detachment.

Go clothes shopping. If you can. I heard that there were some really cheap clothes in Nordstrom, although I could be wrong. Set aside a budget for clothes, a nice haircut, and a bit of exercise equipment. But only if you can. Oh, and make sure that you're clean shaven and have white teeth (the teeth thing is uber expensive, so practice the "brooding disinterested look" and just not smile, if you're feeling insecure about your mouth).

Also, take a yoga or Pilates class. Or take martial arts if you want. Just get active.

I'm not saying women are shallow, I'm saying that you need to look like you take care of yourself.

Let me put it this way. Would you go out with the "SunnyD and Rum girl"?

This is how all women above an 8 (in both looks and intelligence) see you. Yes, I swear to God. This is all on a subconscious level, however, so they don't realize they're doing it. The reason this is is because almost every guy hits on them 1000 times a day. So, by comparison, you're immediately "ugly" to their subconscious selves because you're "guy 1001". Get it?

There's also tumblr and other social sites. You might have better luck there than in real life.

Ok... so, to summarize... learn how to play an instrument (if possible, I know it's expensive), clean up your look, go out with someone else you like (once again, if possible), perform a physical activity you enjoy, go on social sites, and get a life. Busy people are attractive people.

What else...?

Don't come off desperate. Be sure that your crush has her personal space. Be flirtatious, but only sometimes. Otherwise, just talk to her about your interests... and about her interests, if the topic ever comes up.

And if she doesn't share your interests, well... you may wish to reconsider your crush. Personally, I would end the conversation right then and there... but that's just me.

Good luck. ^_^


Edit:

Sure... if the girl (or guy) shares your interests... and even then, that's a stretch.

Otherwise, if you're going after that um... "untouchable" person, I suggest changing who you are... to the point where you become unrecognizable.

Yes, really.

You can call me shallow, you can say I'm insane, and you can say that I don't know what I'm talking about, but regardless I really suggest that Maxman follow the advice I posted above.

It's better than not doing much about your problem and wishing for your crush to notice you.

I'm not wanting anything like that with him. I know he's hurting and all I want is to comfort him anyway that I can, that's what I do with all my friends (the very few that I have) but still I'm always there for my friends and family

 

[Vergillicious]

I would have walked away at that point. If it really has gotten that bad, then it's a situation beyond anyone's help. Some people just can't be saved.

It was through text not in person

 

[Vergillicious]

I would have walked away at that point. If it really has gotten that bad, then it's a situation beyond anyone's help. Some people just can't be saved.

I just don't want to give up on him, cause there has been so many people that has done that to him. He has abandonment issues..and doesn't know who to trust..cause a lot of people have left him

 

[Vergillicious]

Hm... maybe. I think he has you on his "hook".

However... if he's just using you as an ego boost, I suggest you get out of there right away. Or, he could really just dislike you deep down and is actually trying to get rid of you.

What do you mean by ego boost? And how do you know that he wants to get rid of me..?

 

[Vergillicious]

Hahaha oops..

 

[Demi-fiend]

I just don't want to give up on him, cause there has been so many people that has done that to him. He has abandonment issues..and doesn't know who to trust..cause a lot of people have left him

Ok. I won't try to convince you otherwise. But, if he drags you down with him, just keep in mind that you can escape at any time.

 

[IncarnatedDemon]

Sounds like a guy you shouldn't hang with. Love is a good thing, and i feel you may waste it on him if you wait around for him to realize that he is doing things u dislike.

Be honest with him about how you feel about him and ask him if he cares about the idea of you two as much as you do, and if he says "yeah sure", then tell him "what if i told you to stop drinking?".

And then that shud maybe test how things will turn out. Either way be cautious, he could be misleading you for sexual interest.

Love is often opposite of that, its genuine and pure. Love isnt selfish and if he loves you he should react positively to what you say for most part. He may have issue with quiting drinking as thats hard but he should maybe say "I dont know if i can do that ...its to much" with a calm and genuine voice.'

good luck.

 

[Vergillicious]

I won't be dragged down, I know when to call it quits and walk away. Thank you for your support.

 

[IncarnatedDemon]

I won't be dragged down, I know when to call it quits and walk away. Thank you for your support.

Oh and i suggest telling him that you care alot about him but if he wants to be with you that he should call you once he wants to get hold of his life i.e start getting sobber with your support.

And til then you will keep a distance but talk to him as friends.

 

[Vergillicious]

Sounds like a guy you shouldn't hang with. Love is a good thing, and i feel you may waste it on him if you wait around for him to realize that he is doing things u dislike.

Be honest with him about how you feel about him and ask him if he cares about the idea of you two as much as you do, and if he says "yeah sure", then tell him "what if i told you to stop drinking?".

And then that shud maybe test how things will turn out. Either way be cautious, he could be misleading you for sexual interest.

Love is often opposite of that, its genuine and pure. Love isnt selfish and if he loves you he should react positively to what you say for most part. He may have issue with quiting drinking as thats hard but he should maybe say "I dont know if i can do that ...its to much" with a calm and genuine voice.'

good luck.

Well believe it or not I'm scared to get intimate with anyone. Ugh..well for starters we are not lovers or anything like that. He's not interested in me at all. I just really care for him, I really do. Like hearing what he has done in the past, I'm scared to get close to him emotionally. And that's why I want to keep my distance but also be there for him. To be honest I think that he just really wants his ex. I know he wants to get back with her. And if they do well that means that there was nothing for me..not even friendship...

 

[Vergillicious]

To be honest I think awhile after he moved away he actually liked me..and he was trying sending me hints and how he was talking to me. He even introduced me to his good friends over the phone. But his feelings have changed quite a lot..and I don't know why..