"Happyness: The moment you realize you've completly and truely snapped."
In the time I've spent on this earth I have done many things, and I have ultimatly concluded as of late that I have finally snapped.
It all started in my childhood. At an early age my(5) my father died of organ failure due to drinking far too much. I was left with a question"why would he drink so much?" I didn't find out till later in life when my mother would not only issue physical, but mental torment he drank so that he wouldn't hurt her.
^ That was something I figured recently.
It all started when I was young, I was a small white boy basically in the hood. No one liked me, few would talk to me, the one that did made racist remarks that now today I believe is the cause I some of my offness.
Some days I was beat till I was bloody. Others I was just made fun of.
Everyfriend I ever made betrayed me which caused me to developed a discomfort to others, ultimatly at a later age making me incapable of being with anyone for long periods of time. As a result of this I went through most of my early school years in the shadows, appearing as the weird one.
My father had a hard life and a off mind. Add that to my crazy mother and you got a biohazard of a person. I delt with this through the years... And if you thought that was bad it isn't.
People always say that when you get out into the world you'll see. Well growing up in my home was the world.
The home embodied all of the seven deadly sins and as a matter of fact no one cared, they were excepted.
My home life was(still is) a war zone. The weak were chewed up and spit out at the slightest sign of submission. Getting out of there sane was a distant dream.
At this young age I was taunt to steal, lie, and be damn good at it. My mother mooched of others; never earning anything of her own and the slightest thing made her furious.
I was hit for saying the wrong things.
I was hit for doing anything she thought was wrong that were in fact right.
To this day I keep physically fit because when I was younger my mother called me, fat mother ****er, dumb fatass, and the colors of the rainbow.
While she taught me to read she would slap me in my face when I did get a word right.
She ever rarly called me by my name. She simply called me various names.
Through the years I have grown more and more crazy due to all of this and one day I excepted it.
I was crazy.
Things that people thought were sad I laughed at.
I once watched a show where I woman got raped and she was ugly so I laughed.
Nothing that ever happens to me makes me truly sad, it comes in then it goes.
I didn't cry when my father died and I could care to ****s about anyone or anything.
I talk to myself and have long and healthy converstions.
After excepting my mental illnesses I have become happier. People call me weird because I do things that they don't like or doesn't fit in.
There are things I can't even say...
One day were all gonna rot in the ****in' ground, burn in hell, or what ever the hell you believe in. One things is certain, one day I ****in' I'll finally snaped and some serious **** will happen.
Look, I don't know I'm just ****ing crazy. I try to be normal around you all and the rest of the world but it's only gonna be to a certain extent.
Finally I'm mentally ill and I'll always be. I wish I was normal I wish I cried when someone died I wish I felt like doing things more, but I don't.
It's all pointless. You live you die then no one remember you just like ****. Life is stupid and pointless.
Lifes a bitch then you die. I am chaos in the definition of a human, and it's all embodied in me.
I'm the ChaosEmbodied and a poison to life and myself because I bring and harbor chaos and if you get akong with me your crazy. If you don't you perfectly sane. I've thought to kill myself but it's like hey what the hell am I gaining by killing myself but giving the people that hate me the satisfaction that they won.
I'd rather live as a cold and unsocial wise-ass then in the ground.
I laugh at death. I laugh at pain. I laugh at sorrow.
My craziness has granted me a gift, once I've experienced an emotion I'm no longer effected by it in any real way.
It is my gift and my curse. But hey, you all now know alittle about me and why sometimes I act weird. ^_^
Don't you all just love the tip of the ice berg I just gave you?
In the time I've spent on this earth I have done many things, and I have ultimatly concluded as of late that I have finally snapped.
It all started in my childhood. At an early age my(5) my father died of organ failure due to drinking far too much. I was left with a question"why would he drink so much?" I didn't find out till later in life when my mother would not only issue physical, but mental torment he drank so that he wouldn't hurt her.
^ That was something I figured recently.
It all started when I was young, I was a small white boy basically in the hood. No one liked me, few would talk to me, the one that did made racist remarks that now today I believe is the cause I some of my offness.
Some days I was beat till I was bloody. Others I was just made fun of.
Everyfriend I ever made betrayed me which caused me to developed a discomfort to others, ultimatly at a later age making me incapable of being with anyone for long periods of time. As a result of this I went through most of my early school years in the shadows, appearing as the weird one.
My father had a hard life and a off mind. Add that to my crazy mother and you got a biohazard of a person. I delt with this through the years... And if you thought that was bad it isn't.
People always say that when you get out into the world you'll see. Well growing up in my home was the world.
The home embodied all of the seven deadly sins and as a matter of fact no one cared, they were excepted.
My home life was(still is) a war zone. The weak were chewed up and spit out at the slightest sign of submission. Getting out of there sane was a distant dream.
At this young age I was taunt to steal, lie, and be damn good at it. My mother mooched of others; never earning anything of her own and the slightest thing made her furious.
I was hit for saying the wrong things.
I was hit for doing anything she thought was wrong that were in fact right.
To this day I keep physically fit because when I was younger my mother called me, fat mother ****er, dumb fatass, and the colors of the rainbow.
While she taught me to read she would slap me in my face when I did get a word right.
She ever rarly called me by my name. She simply called me various names.
Through the years I have grown more and more crazy due to all of this and one day I excepted it.
I was crazy.
Things that people thought were sad I laughed at.
I once watched a show where I woman got raped and she was ugly so I laughed.
Nothing that ever happens to me makes me truly sad, it comes in then it goes.
I didn't cry when my father died and I could care to ****s about anyone or anything.
I talk to myself and have long and healthy converstions.
After excepting my mental illnesses I have become happier. People call me weird because I do things that they don't like or doesn't fit in.
There are things I can't even say...
One day were all gonna rot in the ****in' ground, burn in hell, or what ever the hell you believe in. One things is certain, one day I ****in' I'll finally snaped and some serious **** will happen.
Look, I don't know I'm just ****ing crazy. I try to be normal around you all and the rest of the world but it's only gonna be to a certain extent.
Finally I'm mentally ill and I'll always be. I wish I was normal I wish I cried when someone died I wish I felt like doing things more, but I don't.
It's all pointless. You live you die then no one remember you just like ****. Life is stupid and pointless.
Lifes a bitch then you die. I am chaos in the definition of a human, and it's all embodied in me.
I'm the ChaosEmbodied and a poison to life and myself because I bring and harbor chaos and if you get akong with me your crazy. If you don't you perfectly sane. I've thought to kill myself but it's like hey what the hell am I gaining by killing myself but giving the people that hate me the satisfaction that they won.
I'd rather live as a cold and unsocial wise-ass then in the ground.
I laugh at death. I laugh at pain. I laugh at sorrow.
My craziness has granted me a gift, once I've experienced an emotion I'm no longer effected by it in any real way.
It is my gift and my curse. But hey, you all now know alittle about me and why sometimes I act weird. ^_^
Don't you all just love the tip of the ice berg I just gave you?
Me and him try our best ^_^ And if our best is not enough, we try harder :lol:
