Whats on your mind ?
- Thread starter Damien
- Start date
Right now what's on my mind is money and making enough of it. The recession is really screwing me right now as a freelance artist. It's hard - not impossible - but hard to secure gigs. Therefore I'm looking for some grad opps in graphic design to tide me over. I've got a lot of experience in other things so I can do others for a couple of years before the suicidal boredom sets in and I leave again. This recession though... it's infurating to think it was simply allowed to happen by asshat bankers and risk buyers taking too much of it, and the only people who get punished and have a hard time as a result are the people. There should be actual punishment for causing a global economic crisis if you ask me, for those who are most prominently responsible and were in the positions to choose whether or not to take risks with what's basically the country's money and short-term future. Not a nice big fat pension or 'early retirement' package the likes of which we ordinary folk will never see (because there won't be any such thing as a state pensions soon enough, I expect). If people aren't punished, where's the incentive not to let this happen all over again? Just like it did in the early 90s? Is it going to happen every ten years? Isn't anyone listening to those guys called 'economists' and 'financial advisors' or are they asshats too?
Religion, faith, God, die wederkoms a.k.a. the Return, terrifying dreams of tsunamis and hurricanes picking up again - I'm pretty sure that dream with the wave on Margate beach that left destruction but no death was a forewarning of the quake to hit ChCh. And everyone around me is dying. First my 19 year old cousin dies in a head-on collision, then my uncle is murdered by being choked/strangled to death for a ****ing computer that wasn't even his, now my grandaddy has been diagnosed with cancer and he's so old and going senile and having lost his fiance a few years back he's lost the will to live, and my aunt has been diagnosed with some kind of worm she picked up from taking care of some people's pets a long time ago and it's killing her from the inside.
Oh, and let's not forget to mention the fact that all the numerous funerals I've been to since I was a kid was to people whom I didn't know in life. Yet the people closest to me, the ones who I knew and loved well, I've never gone to their funerals. Not to my nana's funeral, not to my cousin's funeral, not to my uncle's funeral. If my grandad or aunt dies, I won't be able to go to their funerals either.
What the family must think of me.
._.
And then people have the ****ing nerve to tell me 'hey, death happens, don't get all uptight and emo about it'. Really. I hope you get hit by a ****ing freight train, I really do, you dip****.
Worst thing of all, I can tell total strangers this but I clamp shut when the guy I'm meant to be spending the rest of my life with asks me to talk to him. It's just like...no. Why? What's the point? He doesn't listen to me anyway.
Oh, and let's not forget to mention the fact that all the numerous funerals I've been to since I was a kid was to people whom I didn't know in life. Yet the people closest to me, the ones who I knew and loved well, I've never gone to their funerals. Not to my nana's funeral, not to my cousin's funeral, not to my uncle's funeral. If my grandad or aunt dies, I won't be able to go to their funerals either.
What the family must think of me.
._.
And then people have the ****ing nerve to tell me 'hey, death happens, don't get all uptight and emo about it'. Really. I hope you get hit by a ****ing freight train, I really do, you dip****.
Worst thing of all, I can tell total strangers this but I clamp shut when the guy I'm meant to be spending the rest of my life with asks me to talk to him. It's just like...no. Why? What's the point? He doesn't listen to me anyway.
Am I a bad person if I don't like my parents for treating me like crap? Mom's so nice in public...but the second we're alone she turns into this angry, yelling monster that blames me for everything bad that ever happened to her...which apparently includes being born...
I can't help the fact that I'm quiet. Does that make me a psychopath? Apparently so, according to all the therapy sessions I went to as a first grader.
I dunno. Maybe it's me. I just want a break. ._.
I can't help the fact that I'm quiet. Does that make me a psychopath? Apparently so, according to all the therapy sessions I went to as a first grader.
I dunno. Maybe it's me. I just want a break. ._.
I wish i could get rid of those pills...
My mother keeps telling me that I am an addict of those pills...
I want somebody to come and tell me "Do you want to restart the mission" and thus I'll restart with a new life...far from troubles.
My mother keeps telling me that I am an addict of those pills...
I want somebody to come and tell me "Do you want to restart the mission" and thus I'll restart with a new life...far from troubles.
You make me feel like a worthless, useless, insignificant stranger. But I guess I've got to get use to that.
Freaking scchool,actually freking kids at the school!!!!!!!!!!!
The ost of them there really get on my nerves(except my TRUE friends)they think they are cool and that stuff(boys and girls) all they can do is make fun of others like myself or my friends Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!
**** **** ****
:dry:
I hope it didn't bothered you.
The ost of them there really get on my nerves(except my TRUE friends)they think they are cool and that stuff(boys and girls) all they can do is make fun of others like myself or my friends Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!
**** **** ****
:dry:
I hope it didn't bothered you.
My health. I never used to think much about it because I've always been very healthy - and I've always been aware and appreciative of that fact. Since I moved and with all that stress I caught a bunch of illnesses one of which was bad news and I now suffer what looks suspiciously like a milder form of CFS. I go from being up at the crack of dawn to after midnight, to hardly being able to get through 6 hours without feeling like whipped crap.
Farewell good health, apparently.
Farewell good health, apparently.
I'm not really sure what's on my mind...I'm out of Highschool and I really don't know where to begin. I want to do many things but life has a way of saying **** you...Well, for one I just have to get my a** moving and that problem is solved, but where's the time!? I have no time (especially when you're the eldest and have to help look after your baby sis) and when I do it's because I don't want to do anything! Grrr, what's wrong with me!? *sigh* I want create art but I always draw a blank. I think it just has to do with the stress of the "real" world because from what I do now will effect me till the day I croak.
Friends? Hah...I don't have many friends...if any at all because my 3 closest friends blew away my trust for them a few days before Highschool ended by a stupid fu**'in prank they thought was funny! Getting a text sayin' one of them got hit by a truck and aren't moving isn't my idea of having fun>_< Ignorant a**hats...I wish they would grow up!
No matter how much sleep I get...I feel tired, vice versa. My god, I can't win, I swear it! ; ;
Friends? Hah...I don't have many friends...if any at all because my 3 closest friends blew away my trust for them a few days before Highschool ended by a stupid fu**'in prank they thought was funny! Getting a text sayin' one of them got hit by a truck and aren't moving isn't my idea of having fun>_< Ignorant a**hats...I wish they would grow up!
No matter how much sleep I get...I feel tired, vice versa. My god, I can't win, I swear it! ; ;