The ranting thinking thread

[therogis]

Sorry, this is a kind of long rant, but I just have to talk about this somewhere. This may also cause some anxiety to some people (talking about bad childhood events etc), so I'm gonna use spoiler tags for the middle part.

My 90-years-old grandma is in hospital atm, she's got erysipelas in both her legs. I called her an hour ago and she was like crying all the time because she's in so much pain and no one has the time to even visit her.

I live 200 kilometres (124 miles) away from her and if I wanted to visit her, I'd have to take 2,5 hours by bus and then 1 hour by train. Yeah, that's not so much, but actually I have a lot to do with my studies right now and because of the Finnish student allowance system, visiting my grandma would be a matter of my financial situation too (because no studies = no student allowance).

However, this might be the last time I ever get to see my grandma alive. Money is just money, it comes and goes, but my grandma is never coming back when she dies.

Spoiler

On the other hand... *sigh* Well, my childhood was not good or caring, not even to talk about loving. My mother had an alcohol problem and a severe personality disorder. I lived with her and all her different male partners for years, frequently facing psychological and physical violence, until some really bad things happened and I was taken into custody. My grandma (who is my mother's mother) didn't make things any easier that time. Intentionally or not, I will never know, she used all kinds of emotional and psychological abuse and she still does it. I don't believe that she intends to be mean, but she's made me cry several hundred times because everything I do in my life is somehow wrong. (An example: during the call I told you about, I tried to cheer her up by telling that I finally got a summer job and it's a really big thing for me. She told me that the workplace is too far away, I'm not gonna make it and that I don't take enough care of my husband, I should just stay home and make dinner for him.) She really seems to think that she is actually trying to help me and that I should not be so oversensitive and be offended every time she is "just giving some advice on life".

Well, despite all this... I promised her to look at my schedule and travel to her home town next week. Her apartment is empty right now, so I guess I'm gonna spend there a couple of days or a week. I really don't know how can I manage it with my studies, I'll just take all my textbooks with me and hope for the best... There's also an exam I'll have to skip for now because of this and gosh, I'm in so much stress right now.

And well, I don't know how am I going to stay calm with my grandma. Last time I saw her in September. The visit lasted for like two hours and I immediately burst into tears when I left her apartment because she was so mean.

I don't really know why am I doing this.

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Brexit is getting on my nerves.

I’ve become more and more sick of it lately. Apparently a poll suggested than 90% of Brits were embarrassed by how Brexit has been handled by the government. I am in that majority.

 

[V]

Same here. It's clear that they have dragged it out for years now while they try to think of some way to prevent it or get a terrible deal from the EU.

 

[Dante's Stalker]

Blimmin DA. :banghead::banghead: AP's are stupid and evil and should not be used by people with bad memory.

I mean really FFS. I'm already having to go in and collect food parcels to get us through the week. That pitte was meant to go to childcare. Fudge they had better not send my account to Baycorp.

Also, fomb birthdays. That's what got me here. Too many blimmin birthdays. So overrated.

+Also, also, thanks immigration. Your callback service sucks piles because all it did was replay a stupid voice message over and over. FOR 20 MINUTES. I'd like to speak to a person who can think and look and answer my questions. Yes, sure, I'll request another call back and wait another hour. It's not like I have a life or anything.

Adulting is not fun.

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

Broken sleep is kicking my ass so I have to reset my pattern I think

 

[therogis]

+Also, also, thanks immigration. Your callback service sucks piles because all it did was replay a stupid voice message over and over. FOR 20 MINUTES. I'd like to speak to a person who can think and look and answer my questions. Yes, sure, I'll request another call back and wait another hour. It's not like I have a life or anything.

Exactly my thoughts when I tried to contact the tax office. From the webpage I found a customer service chat, but it was for "non-personal advice, only general questions". So I thought 'okay then, I'll just request an appointment in the office'. So it was all good, I clicked to the office appointments, there were plenty of available hours left... and then it told me that "You can't request an appointment if your question is related to your tax rate."
Well FOR WHAT is it then?! To have a nice chat about weather?

I decided to make a call. An automatic voice told me that "All of our lines are busy, please hold. The call will cost you the standard mobile rate." Then some elevator music and again, "please hold ... the call WILL cost you".
I was in the queue for 20 minutes and then I had to go. This is why I hate calling the authorities.

Not to even mention the last time I called tax office and I actually knew the tax law better than the person who answered me.

Broken sleep is kicking my ass so I have to reset my pattern I think

My sleep pattern is quite good usually, but last night I slept like 3 hours. So yeah I feel you.

---

As to my personal rant, I just searched for the English word for my eye disability and ran into some facts - such as that my disability is hereditary.
And atm I can't decide if I'm only ****ed off or depressed too.

No one has ever told me about that. Not a single doctor. Not a single surgeon or optician. Of all the dozens of people who SHOULD know about this, no one has ever mentioned this "tiny little detail" for me.

So thanks to them I have to really rethink about if I ever want to have kids. I would've appreciated if I knew this from the beginning and not just by stumbling upon some random websites by luck in my adulthood.

I wanna break something.

 

[Aisen66]

Good luck with your grandma mine died and i wasnt able to get to know her as an adult i couldnt even find out about her experiences as a vodoo witch is a sad memory what i remenber her for she had a turtle as a pet she used to let walk around her house and that memory makes me sad for her and for the turtle :banghead:

 

[therogis]

Damn this pain. Feels like a good idea to just tear my ribcage open and see what's wrong. It's better now, but like 15 minutes ago I was just grabbing my chest and biting my teeth.

I hate this :banghead:

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

Wanna trade for 6 hours of back muscle spasms that twisted the shape of my body

And had to spend that morning doing physio excercises to right it again lol

Pain sucks big time , but it reminds us we are alive at least

Thankfully I don't get major setbacks with my condition often

It's a blessing in disguise

As for what I have to rant about , broken sleep is ruining me at the moment, wake up each night at weird hours , leg cramps used to be the culprit but now I'm just waking at random and the sleep deprivation is really getting on my nerves and sanity

 

[therogis]

Pain sucks big time , but it reminds us we are alive at least

Also it reminds me about how easily we can break.
I feel sorry for your muscle spasms though, I can't really imagine how do you feel about that

For me it's not so much the pain itself, it lasts every time for less than half an hour (OK, once it lasted for nearly two hours but it was an exception), but it's getting more frequent and during the pain attacks I can't really do anything else than keep my mouth shut so I won't cry out loud. So it makes me kind of worried since I don't know why does it happen.

I'm a bit hypochondric though so I'm just trying to convince myself about that everything's fine and there's no need to worry.

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

Sounds like generalized anxiety disorder , and may be having mild panic attacks

My sister in law has identical issues and stress makes it much much worse

Hope u feel better

I have to go anyway as my first customer of the day has come in with repairs for me to do

 

[Angel]

Cardi B's behaviour is positively vile.

But it's ok, because the men she has done all those things to were "conscious", "willing" and "aware".

And it's ok because she had to "survive". Nothing was handed to her, according to her own words, so it was completely not her fault if she had to drug people and steal from them.

Another excuse? "Male rappers have done worse".

No doubt she'll never be held accountable for her actions. But if she was a man who had said something vaguely homophobic or misogynistic 10 years ago, she'd be strung up and vilified by the world until she couldn't longer have a career.

 

[therogis]

Sounds like generalized anxiety disorder , and may be having mild panic attacks

May also be. I've been having a lot of stress lately because of my grandma I mentioned earlier. I haven't traveled to her though as she's better now. Another reason for that is I've caught flu, which further increases my stress level because I haven't got the time to be sick.

@Angel, I had to google Cardi B so I really don't know about this but as far as I stumbled upon some articles... duh, just doesn't seem justified.

---

moved this from the regular thinking thread

Thinking that I hate this sh*t of being ill like 5-6 times a year, every time I cough it feels like my head is splitting in two. And I'm coughing blood so you can probably imagine how much it hurts. Wondering all the time if I should just cough or resist the urge to do so, because if I cough it hurts my head and my chest and if I don't cough my breath starts to whistle and it becomes eventually harder and harder to get some air in my lungs.

And I don't even smoke. Never did.

 

[Aisen66]

You have to go to the doctor silly bird is not normal to be coughing blood if you die i promise i .ll keep the game on pause and i.ll keep playing your game so you dont stay dead you re hella cool i like when you out of nowhere write with little letters and i got to say dmc game creators i hate it that dante keeps having a different age in each of his games he is not even human thanx so much for making him look like a ****zu dog

 

[therogis]

You have to go to the doctor silly bird is not normal to be coughing blood if you die i promise i .ll keep the game on pause and i.ll keep playing your game so you dont stay dead

Hey, no need to worry about it! I think I'm coughing blood because I've been coughing so hard for days and it's getting even worse, so my lungs are damaged already. I think there are tiny cuts in my lungs because of this and that's where the blood is coming from. So it's kind of normal, I think. It just hurts so much.

I'll take that as a promise, so if I die, you'll take care of my games so I'll be immortal

Feeling even worse today. My mother-in-law told me to go see a doctor too but the health care centers are not open during the weekends so the only way I could see a doctor would be going to the emergency clinic, which is not an option since this is nothing too serious.
First of all, they would probably do nothing. They would just tell me to take some painkillers and call to the health care center on Monday.
Secondly, going to the emergency clinic costs too much, considering that they really would just send me back home empty-handed.
Thirdly it really feels like I'm breathing small glass shards and I can't even imagine how would it be like to step outside today. In case you're not from Northern countries, I will tell you this: during the winter some grit and sand is spread on the icy roads to prevent accidents. When the spring comes and the ice and snow has melted, the grit and sand is left on those roads until the municipal authorities clean it up (which happens usually during April). Until the clean-up, the roads are extremely dusty and the air quality is really bad. It's also a matter of tree pollen which usually starts to spread in the air these times. So I'm afraid that it would really hurt to breathe outside as there are dust and such things around.

But yeah, every now and then I'm feeling more sick than ever with this disease. This sucks big time.

--- edit for another rant

Goodbye, dreams. Had a nice couple of days cherishing you and thinking that some day they might be realised. Thanks for the smiles I had. It was a great time. :'(

 

[Aisen66]

I.ll find the baby jesus from the christmax tree and talk to him and tell him to heal you your words are very worrisome but maybe the blood is from your throath because of all the coughing try not to cough anymore take cough medicine i.ll tell master naraku from inuyasha to give you one of the jewel.s shard

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

I had pleurisy before , coughing blood is horrible but it usually with time resolves itself

Deffo get something for it from the doctor though

As for me

Tá mé an-tinn inniu

tá sé chomh corraitheach gur tharla sé seo ar mo dheireadh seachtaine

 

[V]

The number of people dealing with cancer or cancer related issues I know of is crazy lately. My dad's got it, granfather's got it, great uncle's got it, my dad's two best friends have just passed away from it... it's like you can't get away from hearing about it. Makes me paranoid as well since so many family members had it or have got it. I don't smoke or drink (hardly ever drink now) and don't eat much junk but I still feel like it's gonna get me someday.

 

[ItWasAnEggTimer]

"I'm deaf and there's no subtitles" is an accessibility issue, "I have carpal tunnel and this game wants me to mash buttons and it's destroying my wrist" is an accessibility issue. "There's nothing wrong with my body, I just want enemies to have lower health" is *not* an accessibility issue, that's just you sucking at the game and refusing to improve. Get your completely able-bodied ass out of here and stop trying to present yourself as if you're being screwed over by things out of your control.

 

[therogis]

A while ago, I joined to an eye condition support group on Facebook. There was this discussion about self-esteem, and as I've had my share of self-esteem issues because of my strabismus, I joined the chat. I told about my issues and about the progress I've made, my severe lack of confidence, even mentioned some sacrifices I've made due to that.

There was this one guy who replied to me then. Well what did he say?
"Sorry, but I can't even notice your strabismus on your profile picture."

...

I got so mad at him. I told him that "hope you're not serious about this, but in case you are, please hit 'intermittent strabismus' in google". Even after that he said that he can't see any problem with my eyes thus it can't be that bad, so I gave him a photo where my condition can be seen. He tried to explain his words then and to avoid any conflict I just said "OK" and backed off.

But I'm still mad at him. I don't assume that you know anything about strabismus so I'll try to explain: I have intermittent exotropia, which is one type of strabismus. My condition can't be seen on my Facebook profile (or any other photos either) because I can force my eyes to look normal. I do that every time when the camera snaps. The only thing is that it hurts a lot and thus I can't do that all the time.

In my view it's pretty rude to step into a self-esteem discussion and state that "well you've got no problem because I can't see it", especially when someone just stated that they have been suffering this for years and is just getting over it. Argh.

:banghead: