Chaos Raiden
Avid Gamer & Reviewer
Superbly made. Great job, VB. 
Nite-Runner
- Thread starter Vergil'sBitch
- Start date
The crazy demon
Metal Gear Vindicare.
Very well made, and the last moments were interesting.
Dante's Stalker
"Outrun this!"
I wonder who the 'old friend' might be.
Very shocking turn of events. More soon please VB!
Very shocking turn of events. More soon please VB!
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Thanks you guys
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Thanks Eb
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Ooh okay.
I'm updating my own website at the moment, then i'll go back to NR
I'm updating my own website at the moment, then i'll go back to NR
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Sadly, i don't think the next bit of action is until the final battle.
Lerrion
Wild Ranger
I don't mean action only , VB! Not just battles and killing , guts, blood and stuff. Describe things, bring in metaphors, adjectives and so on. Describe the place that your heroes are in right now, how they look, their expressions, write more about Mundus. Don't bring in just chords in your song, try to manipulate the notes into something more melodic than simply striking the strings. See, I am doing it myself right now! Be more creative, open your mind VB, I know you can do it. YOU know it yourself!
Go on, Your Majesty, we all believe in you and anticipate the next chapter! It is difficult to write this way, but possible!
Go on, Your Majesty, we all believe in you and anticipate the next chapter! It is difficult to write this way, but possible!
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Whats a metaphor?
I heard what tune you're playing. And i kinda understand, trouble is, i read that description didn't really matter. It just bogs down the story with irrelevant info
I heard what tune you're playing. And i kinda understand, trouble is, i read that description didn't really matter. It just bogs down the story with irrelevant info
Dante's Stalker
"Outrun this!"
^ Not true! Humans are very visual beings so description really does matter. You, as the writer, have to put what images you have in your head out onto paper, in a way that will transfer the picture from your mind to those of your readers. You can't do that without descriptions. You have to let them into your world, and the only way to do that is by painting pictures with words.
I've always seen Nite-Runner as the skeleton of your story. I tend to dot down dialogue so that I know how the scene is going to go down, what is important to that needs to be mentioned, before I start to flesh it out with descriptions. I recon if you ever come revise the fic and add everything that Lerrion suggested, your fic will become one of those that everyone in the DMC fandom will know about. And if they don't know about it, everyone else will say 'WHUT? How can you call yourself a fan? Tsk, tsk, here's the link, GO READ IT!'
Metaphors are analogies. For example: his teeth sparkled like diamonds, her eyes gleamed like jewels. It's basically describing one thing by using another thing as subject.
I've always seen Nite-Runner as the skeleton of your story. I tend to dot down dialogue so that I know how the scene is going to go down, what is important to that needs to be mentioned, before I start to flesh it out with descriptions. I recon if you ever come revise the fic and add everything that Lerrion suggested, your fic will become one of those that everyone in the DMC fandom will know about. And if they don't know about it, everyone else will say 'WHUT? How can you call yourself a fan? Tsk, tsk, here's the link, GO READ IT!'
Metaphors are analogies. For example: his teeth sparkled like diamonds, her eyes gleamed like jewels. It's basically describing one thing by using another thing as subject.
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Oh bugger.
I've never been good at writing... explains why i failed english.
I can't see what i need to do to bring it out from being just a skeleton.
I'm sooo f***ed.
I've never been good at writing... explains why i failed english.
I can't see what i need to do to bring it out from being just a skeleton.
I'm sooo f***ed.
Dante's Stalker
"Outrun this!"
Well I think you're good at writing. And if you want, I can rework the story alongside with you.
And you're most certainly not ****ed.
****ed would be Vergil in that doujin...ahem...'manga' we checked out before. I mean, tentacles? I'd say Vergil was ****ed in every sense of the word. You still have hope VB, don't get discouraged because I'm here to help if you want my help.
And you're most certainly not ****ed.
****ed would be Vergil in that doujin...ahem...'manga' we checked out before. I mean, tentacles? I'd say Vergil was ****ed in every sense of the word. You still have hope VB, don't get discouraged because I'm here to help if you want my help.
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Nite woke up in a daze, "What the..." she gasped as she put her hand to her chest. "No!" she whimpered
It took her severasl attempts to stand up, but when she did managed to her stomach hurt.
"What the?" Nite looked down. Her gray vest and leather coat was covered in her own blood.
She took a while to adjust to her surroundings as it was dark.
She could hear a faint noise... as she walked around it became louder. It sounded like someone was crying.
"Hello?"
A candle lit a small area of the 'room' Nite assumed that she was in.
She picked up the candle and followed the cold gray wall around to a door.
Nite gently turned the handle and opened it.
The doorway led into a dimly lit dungeon.
Nite was now in the same room as the sobbing noise.
"Hello?"
There was something on the floor of the room. Nite walked over to it. As she looked in on the object, Nite was thrown back by a wave of emotion. Pictures flooded her mind. Someone being attacked, pain, a baby... taken away.
The attacker... Mundus.
"Who are you?"
The figure emerged from the shadow on the floor... A female demon.
Tears ran down her face.
"You released me..." She said sniffing the tears back "...from the weapon" The demon continued
"What happened to you demon?"
"The Emperor, punished me for...trying to tempt a traitor"
Realisation hit Nite "Nevan? The succubus?"
"That was me, back then."
"What happened?" Nite asked looking at this now poor excuse of a demon.
"He made me pregnant. I don't know how. Mundus has this power over me. My baby taken away by that servant. This tiny little thing, taken... from me! "
Nite's heart sank, she kind of felt sorry for her, "What do remember about the baby?"
"A Tiny little girl. Hair, black as the night. Dark eyes.... Such innocence"
'Was this it?' Nite thought "Who took her?"
Nevan , through her sobbing whined, "That fat bitch, Sequestra"
"Nanny?" Nite had heard Mundus call Nanny by this name before.
Nevan hadn't looked at Nite the whole time they had spoken to each other.
"Mum?"
Nevan looked up at Nite... suddenly, her attitude had changed.
-------------------------------------------
Vergil spattered blood as he stood up and tore Yamato from his body.
He heard the clunking of chains and the screaming of tortured souls.
'Torture chamber' he thought to himself.
"...Arkham..." he growled
Finally, it was Vergil's chance to dispatch of this treacherous creature and the suffering that he had put Nite through.
Vergil stalked his prey around the chamber.
Arkham knew that Vergil was there, "Its so nice of you to drop by. I assume that you still don't have daddy's power."
Vergil emerged from the shadows.
"Assaulted any other demons recently, have you?"
"Plenty, Its just that Nite made me special."Arkham taunted. "Can you imagine the fun i had when she was first sent to me."
Vergil slammed Yamato into Arkham's chest.
"She enjoyed it really" Arkham laughed, "She just told you she didn't to make you feel better."
Vergil could feel a darkness clouding his mind. "You won't be doing it again, where you are going, you won't get the chance to. "
His voice had become more demonic and the scars started to appear on his face.
Arkham laughed, "Be careful Vergil, you may become my master's servant again."
"GO TO HELL" He yelled
Arkham dropped off the end of yamato and Vergil shackled him to a wall.
"This maybe fun" Vergil smiled "But I'll guarantee that you won't enjoy it"
-----------------------
Nevan stared deep into Nite's eyes. She saw Nite's pain and everything that she had gone through.
"Mundus needs to be taught a lesson." Nevan said with fire in here eyes.
Nite knelt down next to her new found mother, "I agree." She said smiling gently.
Nevan put her hand to Nite's face, "I'll help you child" She dissipated into a bright purple light and surrounded Nite.
Nite's body absorbed this energy.
She could feel a change.
The darkness that had clouded her mind earlier had started to set in again.
It didn't scare her, she just shook it off.
"Well mother, what gift have you given me?" She said to herself.
Nite searched inside for the gift, and let it take over her body.
Her body dispelled itself into a thousand bats, and she flew off.
-------------------------
Dante sat on the bench in the cell.
He was bored out of his mind.
Reinforced bars lined the cell, design to keep demonic prisoners in with no chance of escape.
"I hope Vergil gets here soon" Dante said to himself...
"Urgh, i can't believe i just said that"
All of a sudden, he could heard a screeching sound.
The screeching sound became close and flew in through the barred window.
"Hey, babe" Dante was obviously expecting Nevan. He had the shock of his life when Nite appeared.
"You weren"t expecting me then," Nite said smiling.
"How did you do that, we thought you were dead."
"I'll explain later."
Nite span around in a circle close to the bars, and the iron shards fell to the floor.
"Come on," Nite said to a shocked Dante.
"Oh, who has my shard?" Nite asked
"Vergil, Mundus gave it to him."
Dante and Nite ran through the halls.
"Where would Vergil be?" Dante asked gasping for air.
Nite stopped running and listened, she could hear screaming and laughter.
The laugh sounded like Vergil's.
"Torture chamber"
Nite opened a portal. The laughter and screaming became louder.
Dante ran through, followed by Nite.
-----------------------------------
As they reached the end of the portal, the screaming stopped.
Nite and Dante stepped out and the portal closed.
Vergil turned to see who the approching footsteps belonged to.
"Hey, Vergie, she's not dead!" Dante shouted.
Vergil place Yamato back into its sheath and saw Nite enter the chamber.
Nite ran straight to him and they wrapped their arms around each other.
"What the hell have you been up to" Nite said looking at Vergil's blood spattered face.
"I have a present"
Nite turned to the area that Vergil had been focus on.
Blood and bits of flesh were everywhere. She wasn't surprised, and she had seen worse.
"Arkham?" Nite asked
"Yes."
Nite wanted revenge personally, "But, Vergil why?"
"It made me mad, you didn't deserve everything that he did to you. When you told me, something stirred inside me... I had to do it."
Nite couldn't help but feel touched.
"Well, as lovely as this is, we have a problem" Dante said
"Mundus", Nite said.
"Right. So lets get going." Vergil continued.
Dante had already walked out of the room. Nite was about to follow when Vergil caught her hand.
"I have something that belongs to you." he said sifting around in his pocket.
He pulled out the Dark Knight shard and placed it around Nite's neck.
"Thank you." Nite whispered.
They looked into each other's eyes.
"Are you two coming?" Dante yelled.
Nite and Vergil shook their heads and walked out of the chamber.
--------------------------------------
It took her severasl attempts to stand up, but when she did managed to her stomach hurt.
"What the?" Nite looked down. Her gray vest and leather coat was covered in her own blood.
She took a while to adjust to her surroundings as it was dark.
She could hear a faint noise... as she walked around it became louder. It sounded like someone was crying.
"Hello?"
A candle lit a small area of the 'room' Nite assumed that she was in.
She picked up the candle and followed the cold gray wall around to a door.
Nite gently turned the handle and opened it.
The doorway led into a dimly lit dungeon.
Nite was now in the same room as the sobbing noise.
"Hello?"
There was something on the floor of the room. Nite walked over to it. As she looked in on the object, Nite was thrown back by a wave of emotion. Pictures flooded her mind. Someone being attacked, pain, a baby... taken away.
The attacker... Mundus.
"Who are you?"
The figure emerged from the shadow on the floor... A female demon.
Tears ran down her face.
"You released me..." She said sniffing the tears back "...from the weapon" The demon continued
"What happened to you demon?"
"The Emperor, punished me for...trying to tempt a traitor"
Realisation hit Nite "Nevan? The succubus?"
"That was me, back then."
"What happened?" Nite asked looking at this now poor excuse of a demon.
"He made me pregnant. I don't know how. Mundus has this power over me. My baby taken away by that servant. This tiny little thing, taken... from me! "
Nite's heart sank, she kind of felt sorry for her, "What do remember about the baby?"
"A Tiny little girl. Hair, black as the night. Dark eyes.... Such innocence"
'Was this it?' Nite thought "Who took her?"
Nevan , through her sobbing whined, "That fat bitch, Sequestra"
"Nanny?" Nite had heard Mundus call Nanny by this name before.
Nevan hadn't looked at Nite the whole time they had spoken to each other.
"Mum?"
Nevan looked up at Nite... suddenly, her attitude had changed.
-------------------------------------------
Vergil spattered blood as he stood up and tore Yamato from his body.
He heard the clunking of chains and the screaming of tortured souls.
'Torture chamber' he thought to himself.
"...Arkham..." he growled
Finally, it was Vergil's chance to dispatch of this treacherous creature and the suffering that he had put Nite through.
Vergil stalked his prey around the chamber.
Arkham knew that Vergil was there, "Its so nice of you to drop by. I assume that you still don't have daddy's power."
Vergil emerged from the shadows.
"Assaulted any other demons recently, have you?"
"Plenty, Its just that Nite made me special."Arkham taunted. "Can you imagine the fun i had when she was first sent to me."
Vergil slammed Yamato into Arkham's chest.
"She enjoyed it really" Arkham laughed, "She just told you she didn't to make you feel better."
Vergil could feel a darkness clouding his mind. "You won't be doing it again, where you are going, you won't get the chance to. "
His voice had become more demonic and the scars started to appear on his face.
Arkham laughed, "Be careful Vergil, you may become my master's servant again."
"GO TO HELL" He yelled
Arkham dropped off the end of yamato and Vergil shackled him to a wall.
"This maybe fun" Vergil smiled "But I'll guarantee that you won't enjoy it"
-----------------------
Nevan stared deep into Nite's eyes. She saw Nite's pain and everything that she had gone through.
"Mundus needs to be taught a lesson." Nevan said with fire in here eyes.
Nite knelt down next to her new found mother, "I agree." She said smiling gently.
Nevan put her hand to Nite's face, "I'll help you child" She dissipated into a bright purple light and surrounded Nite.
Nite's body absorbed this energy.
She could feel a change.
The darkness that had clouded her mind earlier had started to set in again.
It didn't scare her, she just shook it off.
"Well mother, what gift have you given me?" She said to herself.
Nite searched inside for the gift, and let it take over her body.
Her body dispelled itself into a thousand bats, and she flew off.
-------------------------
Dante sat on the bench in the cell.
He was bored out of his mind.
Reinforced bars lined the cell, design to keep demonic prisoners in with no chance of escape.
"I hope Vergil gets here soon" Dante said to himself...
"Urgh, i can't believe i just said that"
All of a sudden, he could heard a screeching sound.
The screeching sound became close and flew in through the barred window.
"Hey, babe" Dante was obviously expecting Nevan. He had the shock of his life when Nite appeared.
"You weren"t expecting me then," Nite said smiling.
"How did you do that, we thought you were dead."
"I'll explain later."
Nite span around in a circle close to the bars, and the iron shards fell to the floor.
"Come on," Nite said to a shocked Dante.
"Oh, who has my shard?" Nite asked
"Vergil, Mundus gave it to him."
Dante and Nite ran through the halls.
"Where would Vergil be?" Dante asked gasping for air.
Nite stopped running and listened, she could hear screaming and laughter.
The laugh sounded like Vergil's.
"Torture chamber"
Nite opened a portal. The laughter and screaming became louder.
Dante ran through, followed by Nite.
-----------------------------------
As they reached the end of the portal, the screaming stopped.
Nite and Dante stepped out and the portal closed.
Vergil turned to see who the approching footsteps belonged to.
"Hey, Vergie, she's not dead!" Dante shouted.
Vergil place Yamato back into its sheath and saw Nite enter the chamber.
Nite ran straight to him and they wrapped their arms around each other.
"What the hell have you been up to" Nite said looking at Vergil's blood spattered face.
"I have a present"
Nite turned to the area that Vergil had been focus on.
Blood and bits of flesh were everywhere. She wasn't surprised, and she had seen worse.
"Arkham?" Nite asked
"Yes."
Nite wanted revenge personally, "But, Vergil why?"
"It made me mad, you didn't deserve everything that he did to you. When you told me, something stirred inside me... I had to do it."
Nite couldn't help but feel touched.
"Well, as lovely as this is, we have a problem" Dante said
"Mundus", Nite said.
"Right. So lets get going." Vergil continued.
Dante had already walked out of the room. Nite was about to follow when Vergil caught her hand.
"I have something that belongs to you." he said sifting around in his pocket.
He pulled out the Dark Knight shard and placed it around Nite's neck.
"Thank you." Nite whispered.
They looked into each other's eyes.
"Are you two coming?" Dante yelled.
Nite and Vergil shook their heads and walked out of the chamber.
--------------------------------------
The crazy demon
Metal Gear Vindicare.
Great
And i like your version of Nevan.
Even a good looking Succubus can have a soft spot for her daughter
And i like your version of Nevan.
Even a good looking Succubus can have a soft spot for her daughter
Vergil'sBitch
I am Nero's Mom & Obsessed fan girl
Thanks TCD.