Let's talk about: bullies

[Dante's Stalker]

Yep, I'm stealing the first part of my title from Meg's thread ^^,

So, just incase anyone thinks this has spawned from the chats on the forum lately, I can assure you it has not.

This morning while taking my daughter to school, she randomly told me about these two boys who were 'bad boys' that made one of the girls scream the day before. I don't know what happened exactly, my guess is that they hurt/bullied some of the other children. I told my daughter to tell her teacher about it, and that if she spots any of these boys when I'm in the vicinity to point them out to me. I also told her to try and stay away from them as much she can.

This is not the first time I've heard of bullying taking place on the school ground either. There are different types of bullying that don't include physically harming another person.

I've known some bullies and been bullied and been a bully myself.
If you were ever in that situation - knowing someone who is a bully to others, being bullied by other people or being guilty of being a bully yourself, feel free to share your views and experiences and how you eventually 'got through it'.

 

[Vergil'sBitch]

I was bullied in school. The teachers never did anything about it. I haven't gotten through it, it's majorly affected my trust and a general dislike of people IRL.
I've even known of teachers that have bullied kids...

 

[Ronan]

Had an absolutely awful time in middle school which sort of left me socially crippled. And I can't say I've seen teachers bully students but I have run into a few that are more than happy to sit back while the bullies tear into someone.

As for 'getting through it', we eventually moved away from the area and I got to return to some old friends of mine.

 

[V]

At one point when I was young I had the neighborhood of local kids claiming they were all 'going to kill me'. I was sitting on a wall minding my own and a pair of them decided to say something about me. I called them a nice colourful expletive and their 'reign of terror' began. They even went to the extent of writing a list of themselves and their friends on the walls who were going to 'officially participate in my death'. XD

Somehow that never happened, probably because they were full of it and I was to able to avoid them. They turned up at my door and ran away when someone else answered it, they followed me and got put off when it turned out I was heading for my relatives' house to walk their Rottweiler and German Sheperd for them. One of them tried to steal my bike and failed. Another one tried to kick me in a swimming pool and got seen by the attendant and kicked out. I look back on it and just laugh at how they built themselves up to be these hardasses and they were too afraid to do anything. This went on for about two years. I never expected anyone to defend me, which was good thing because that never seemed to happen anyway. My dad taught me a few martial arts things so I usually felt secretly confident while pretending not to be, but I never had to use them.

I say that now... bullying can be pretty serious, but I had bigger things to worry about at the time I guess. A few stupid children from school or the street weren't bothering me so much as my parents' break-up. Any people around like that just sort of slid off me easier than it should have.

I guess I've come in for trouble plenty without ever asking for it, but I've shrugged it off and carried on, or escaped it, I've only ever had to square up to someone seriously once in life and they got a bit freaked at just how serious my serious mode is when I'm really pushed, lulz. I moved from that city as well not long after when one of my parents took a job in another, and it was the greatest thing ever to me to go somewhere where nobody knows you, and you don't have to look over your shoulder.

 

[LeoXCV]

I was very dim and extremely shy when I was in primary school causing a few people to make jokes at me, but I had a lot of people around me that were real friendly so it wasn't much of a bother. It was mainly in high school I was bullied for about 2-3 years, that just kinda blew over. I had friends, quite a lot for that matter, but the bullies still got under my skin on a number of occasions.
I've also seen people being bullied and stood up for them a few times since I know its really not a nice position to be in.

tbh in the time period of me being bullied if it wasn't for having such a big and caring family and good friends as well I wouldn't have been able to cope as well as I did. Just shows that even just knowing that support is behind you is enough to make you feel a lot better. I can't even begin to imagine how lucky I actually am, and I am unbelievably grateful for it.

Haven't really ever been a full on bully, made some jokes at other peoples expense but only if I knew and made sure the person could properly handle it, and it wasn't consistently every day either. In fact the people that I have joked about have pretty much always laughed to some extent and made jokes back at me most the time.
There was one time when I was younger that I did make this other kid cry (Same age as me). It was honestly accidental, there was this thing people use to do at school that's meant to cause a lot of pain but it had never worked on me, so he was trying real hard to make it work on me. He then said to try it on him and I did it a lil too hard for him.

 

[Loopy]

Problem is, children are cruel to each other. They can just pick on each other for no reason, sometimes unaware of the consequence that they are really hurting another person. On the other hand, children can do it on purpose and like to pick on others.
Some teachers are quick to act, others look away especially if the parents of the bully contributes to the school funding and the worst teachers join in.

As for me, nothing much, maybe some teasing if I got into an argument with friends in primary school.Otherwise I tried to stand up for others.
There was a girl I remember at my primary school, I'm not sure what was wrong with her, some sort of learning and talking I think, so she was picked on and bullied a lot. She never talked at first.
So I made friends with her as best I could. Took a long time before she started talking a few words and I tried to introduce her to my friends, but it was awkward as she hardly talked. But we got along in a way and I tried to stand up for her, but it got me in trouble. I remember one boy in middle school, I think I was 13 then, he actually punched me for standing up for her. So I hit him right back. Didn't bother her again.
Worst part was the teachers, they sympathised, but had no real time to help her. They relied on me to look out for her, accompany her on class trips, walk her home, help her with homework, classwork and such. I didn't mind, but also at the same time, I had my own life and homework to do. Maybe that's selfish of me?:/ Eventually as she didn't have friends, her parents pulled her from school. I'm not sure what happened to her. It's really sad this sort of bullying still happens.

Evan as an adult, maybe I shouldn't do this, but if I see a child being picked on, I go and break it up. I just can't stand seeing a child being made upset and hurt like that. It really has an impact later in life.

 

[TerrorA]

Meh, I was a small nerdy kid when I was a youngling.

But, I was a scrapper.

Bullies only messed with me once, ONCE!

But, I don't want people to follow my example. Flight, not fight, is the answer. Telling is the right thing to do.

(plus, I broke my hand on a kid's face)

 

[V]

Ya know... I don't think there is any 'right answer' to the problem. I couldn't say run away and put up with it because kids just don't quit if they see weakness. And I couldn't say kick their ass, because escalation. And telling a parent, friend or teacher would only mean you were 'safe' when you were around one of them, and bullies are sly enough to seek you out when you're alone. I've had them all happen to me. I don't know which is the best course.

I guess a kid is best off if they have a group of supportive friends just like the bullies do, since bullies rarely do their work alone and they love picking on kids who don't have a bunch of friends to back them up. But that's no help for kids who don't and get picked on. Or if the bullied kid just moves school or city (if the bullying is really bad). My younger sister did that, though I don't think her bullying problem was ever as serious as mine, she complained that a couple of girls were calling her names and talking behind her back and she got a new school... I had kids waiting to ambush me outside my house and nobody gave a crap. XD

I guess these days you need to be more careful, kids always bullied each other but now (in this country anyway) some little sh*ts carry knives and will harass anyone, adults or kids. Guess it's best to be diplomatic and just try to get away, (or take up self defense class in case you ever get forced into a bad situation you can at least defend yourself unarmed)

 

[Ryuuou]

Yep, I'm stealing the first part of my title from Meg's thread ^^,

So, just incase anyone thinks this has spawned from the chats on the forum lately, I can assure you it has not.

This morning while taking my daughter to school, she randomly told me about these two boys who were 'bad boys' that made one of the girls scream the day before. I don't know what happened exactly, my guess is that they hurt/bullied some of the other children. I told my daughter to tell her teacher about it, and that if she spots any of these boys when I'm in the vicinity to point them out to me. I also told her to try and stay away from them as much she can.

This is not the first time I've heard of bullying taking place on the school ground either. There are different types of bullying that don't include physically harming another person.

I've known some bullies and been bullied and been a bully myself.
If you were ever in that situation - knowing someone who is a bully to others, being bullied by other people or being guilty of being a bully yourself, feel free to share your views and experiences and how you eventually 'got through it'.

Exactly. If people pick on someone and that person ignores it it should be fine BUT if that person takes it really bad it might become severe. Teachers should spot these things. It happens too often and too much. To prevent any further pain. It would go inside and they might stop talking, do less homework, not being with the crowd. These signs is the most common but not every teacher knows or spots it soon enough. ~ Sadly ~

 

[V]

The problem in this country is teachers have lost their powers of discipline. Every kid knows a teacher can't do anything apart from get a kid excluded in the worst scenario, and the bad kids don't give a flying one if they get excluded for bullying.

As usual the law has gone so far in an effort to protect children that kids can't really be punished or threatened any more. And kids are clever enough to see it and exploit it. And then they wonder why adults start to become afraid of the 'feral children'.

The school system here's just a bit broken, and its justice system doesn't seem to work too well either. That's another debate for another day, but it does go way back to the start of childhood and being able to discipline kids and put some sense of respect into them, and at the moment the law is in the way of it in schools.

 

[Loopy]

The problem in this country is teachers have lost their powers of discipline. Every kid knows a teacher can't do anything apart from get a kid excluded in the worst scenario, and the bad kids don't give a flying one if they get excluded for bullying.

As usual the law has gone so far in an effort to protect children that kids can't really be punished or threatened any more. And kids are clever enough to see it and exploit it. And then they wonder why adults start to become afraid of the 'feral children'.

The school system here's just a bit broken, and its justice system doesn't seem to work too well either. That's another debate for another day, but it does go way back to the start of childhood and being able to discipline kids and put some sense of respect into them, and at the moment the law is in the way of it in schools.

Couldn't agree more. Worst is that if a teacher does something, the child can complain that their rights were violated with he punishment and the teacher could lose their job. Well what about the child that was bullied?
When I was a TA for a bit, I was told I couldn't hug children when they cried because it could be seen as molesting.:OThe rules have gone too far. Yes children need protection frow weridos who could seriouly hurt of mess them up for life, but hugging a child when it is upset is not molesting.

On the other hand children these days, they know that if an adult does a small thing they don't like, it can be twisted to seem like the adult is a creeper and needs to be arrested.It's a losing situation. How to sort out genuine child abuse from children lying because they don't like a particular adult.

Too mnay children run wild who have to look after themselves because parents are always working or single parent working or parents who just doesn't care. Society makes it so that parents have to work so much because of rising costs of everything and other parents just have children and then neglect them.
In that situation children have no parents to give them discipline, no wonder they turn to street gangs and crime. On the other hand if the child does have parents and is spanked, that is now against the law. But it's fine if a teenage son terrorises the family. He knows he can do that without punishment.
I have actually seen a 7 year old threatened to ring child protection because her parents asked her to go to bed at a time she did not like. :O

Just makes me think of other thigs too.Like sometimes I wonder why people choose to have children when this is the end result: Child neglect, parents foced to work long hours, bullying, children being bullies and abuse of children....it makes no sense to me.
You have to have a license to adopt a child, a dog or other pet, but it's fine if you want to make your own baby, to hell with whether the 'parents' are durg addicts, gang members or abusers. They sytem is just so screwed up in the UK from the education to child protection services and adoption. Apparently some couples are 'too white and middle class' to adopt a child who comes from a council estate (community housing?). Well I'd rather have that than a child put in the screwed up foster care system only to be chucked out at 18 with no means to look after themselves. It's all just so messed up.

 

[V]

It is pretty messed up. The paedophile thing is beyond a joke, and I can believe that about not even being able to hug or comfort a child because it's got to the point now where if an adult saw a young child lost and crying in the street they probably wouldn't comfort it or hold its hand for fear of being viewed as a predator. I've seen people saying this online or in conversation IRL. Now that's bad.

I'm not saying paedophiles aren't a problem, they are, I have a friend who attended a school where one of the teachers was arrested a couple of years back for having a long-term relationship with a student who was underage at the time, and this girl was a close friend of my friend. It does happen, but those people really are in the minority, and we've ended up categorizing everyone who could possibly come into contact with a child as a potential paedophile, and the press just loves whipping up public fear about it.

I don't exactly believe in beating kids either, or the cane, or whatever, but I do believe kids need something of an awe for authority because they don't have a developed sense of responsibility. I was never punished physically as a kid, but I respected authority and my parents so there was no need. Kids who don't respect their parents or teachers or anyone or anything - what can you do with them? They will probably go off the rails unless you do something about it. When they talk abut the smacking laws and if parents should be able to hit their kids for punishment, I don't argue with it - some kids might not respond to anything else. (But then, if you overuse a physical punishment on a child they will probably not fear it as well, or it crosses the line into child abuse. How you treat your children should be a bit unique to each child's personality in that sense. A blanket law doesn't cover them all)....

 

[Ryuuou]

Sorry for not writing more but this is as true as it can gets. You can at least write it. I am getting tortured just by reading it. I was picked up in foster care when I was 10 years old. They gave me comfort, safety and all that. What happened when I got psychotic? I was put away from people. I was already ''away'' from myself. Then those pharmaceutical drug closed everything. Waht did I have left? The will that was saying. I want to live too. I want a life that I can call a life. I pushed me to this point. I will not make it if I cannot interact with people. I am still learning but I get all confused and stressed. I have self introspection but using that with my mind all teh time makes me really exhausted. just like now when writing this. Did I write this much? I am even changing mood while writing this. Sorry guys that I can not write anymore but you are completely on something important. It is too unfair. The childrens are afterall the first ones to suffer. That does not mean that the parents are ''evli'' people but they just cannot handle it. Anger goes out while sorrow goes inside. I like this thread! Best so far! keep it up people. There goes me again saying ''people'' the world'' ''this madness''. I know I may sound liek a saint but I don't care. I know I am pointing out things I should not put in public. Especially not on the internet but THAT IS WHY WE NEED TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER NOT SAY THE LAW SAYS THAT YOU CANNOT EAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD BECAUSE YOU ARE BROKE OR TOO SICK TO GO OUTSIDE TO THE STORE.................................


~ Sorry for shouting I will leave now. I come back later ~




PS: It is my birthday by the way.

 

[Loopy]

People all need to be a community again and everyone come together to help all members of society, especially most vulnerable.

Time was if a child was in trouble they could turn to an adult without worry about pedophiles. Maybe it's because when an adult does something terrible like that to a child, we see it on the news. It seems like there's more bad things happening because news travels fast.So it creates a fear that every adult could be a potential pedophile- especially men. I saw a father asked to leave at parents helping day at school because the mothers were unhappy a man was there. But he was a father. Not every man is a pedophile, rapists, or molestor. Yes, men do those things, but so do women. And not every person will do those terrible things. It's just too over the top- all of it.

Also back in the day, if an adult saw a child of a friend doing something bad, they could discipline gently without the parents of the child having a go at the adult and then not being friends again.
Some parents think their child is perfect and deny when they child is being bad. I understand it's their child, their genetics and their imperative to defend their child, but that's why I see so many brats and spoiled children. Parents refuse to have a firm had with children. Be parents first, not friends who are scared that a child will say 'I hate you' for giving them time out. Parents are supposed to show a child morals and the right way to behave.

Yes, children need protection, they really do, but sometimes it goes to far and creates lots of new problems like a generation of entitled brats who think the world must give them everything.

Then there are other children people just don't give two hoots about. It's just disgusting. It's children in genunily terrible situations that need protecting and giving love and care. Do adults have a clue what this kind of treatment can do even when the child is gown up. But the things is, most adults in charge are still trying to cope with the scars from their childhood as well and let it cloud their decision making. It's like a cycle of self-perpetuating misery.

 

[Ryuuou]

It is so unfair. I been through the worst of it and that is painful for me but there are other people. Do they have enough fate to go on? I hope so. If I could I would want to protect them. Do something. But I would just put myself in danger and be consumed in the same ****. I figuratively ''walked'' out of this world. I mean this world with feelings like colours. What I was in was totally black, black and white. Now it is grey. Actually when I think about it. I whore black clothes before. Now I wear some grey clothes. Probably not a mere coincidence. Oh yeah when I held concert I whore white clothes. See that. From my own perspective in teh past I can see it now but at that time I had my mind filled with a lot of other things and ''worries''
At least I think I can courage people. Some of us at least. My sorrow lies in many things like my fathers death and my own life til now. I am not getting confident by thinking about those things but when I empathize other people with similar situations it gives me a lot of strength and will to try do at least something. Set an example like many have done before us.
''The world smiles when Hatsune Miku smiles. She is as sweet as strawberry. One strawberry to eath with passion and thankfulness. By the way I am eating strawberries now. Lets have fun and laugh when we can as long as we can! Life can end in seconds, minutes, hours or days. You never know what lies ahead of you but that is not important. What's important [for me at least] is to feel safe around people and feel that you are one of them. One of us that share something common while other things are up to each individual to find out what our strengths and weaknessess are.
~ Personal Experience ~

 

[Loopy]

Even if having such bad experiences, just to reach out and touch someone else and say you understand can make a big difference to you and the other person.Undersanding and empathy are things humans should have more of. Not hatred, greed and prejudice.
Live each day as it comes and make the most of it. Memories from the past can still really hurt, but you have to try really hard each day to take steps forward. Don't for get the past because the past makes the future person, but also try not to be lost in memories. And try to help others, even if you think it is something small, you might have made a big change to someone's life.

It would be nice if people who were bullied as children could be mentors to children who are bullied, or talk to schools about how bullying affects children and help make suitable policies. Many times, schools do things with the best intention, but they get it so wrong.
Especially with internet bullying. It is getting harder for bullied children to escape torment even at home. But maybe with computer evidence it is easier to prove bullying is happening?:/ Either way, it should not happen at all. But this is not an ideal world. Makes me wonder why have children if this is what will happen. It's just so sad....

 

[Ryuuou]

I take those words as my gift for my birthday today. Thank you man. I believe that too. I am more relaxed when people appreciate what I do because I can really do things. Instead of people who pushes me away because I am ''uncool'' or ''loser'' or ''saint like'' or anything like that. I don't see myself a that. I never did but I been a bit like it BECAUSE people feed my brain with it. You get the saying? I want just a simple word. Love. Ai and to say to someone I really want to spend my life with Aishiteru or I love you. In Japan they never say that anyway. They express it in the dailylife to each other. Different ways of adressing people. Like saying the full name to someone you don't know to well might be taken as an insult as I don't mean that but that is how that thing is. Or using San, chan, dono and such. Maybe even self made cute names is she likes it though. ^_^
Note: The word is easily spelled onto the keaboard but how to find it or ''achieve it'' is muc harder as well as ideas of judgement. I want a girl that likes me that I like. I wont ask her to do things before she wants it. A ''yes'' is not accepted. I want to know by her expressions that she really wants it and is safe with it. I will not push others will or wishes. That is a respect that not many understand today but for me that is what I wish for. Responses both ways. Teamwork both ways. Sounds like a dreamland this but I am going really far to expereince that. To become a part of a very special female person to me. I am not sure if I can bear with if she dies first. Then again what if I die first I would not be happy about that either. I would put her in total sorrow telling her that she should live on. Bonding that much needs to continue in teh memories. The good ones.
I still feel debt to a lot of people but I understand that as long as I am thankful and respectful people may do things for me too. Not because they are ''must'' do it. It is up to them. If they start trusting me as I do to them I believe they wish me well too.
It seems pretty easy but yeah just like that.


~ Enough story for today getting tired of it ~

 

[Dante's Stalker]

Well, let's put this into perspective.
Now that you are beyond that period in your life, looking back at it now, what would you have wanted to do/have others do to help you back then?

 

[Ryuuou]

~ In my current mood? Nothing. Absolutely norhing. As long as I am ''here'' I don't need to feel that way ~
...
Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here Lost text was here...

 

[Gorbashou]

I was bullied 5 years through elementary school.
Kinda scarred me, however I wouldn't want that to change, it changed me in a way that I now see as neccessary. Although some of my behaviours generated from this treatment are radical and maybe not so good, I still feel like I wouldn't handle alot without them.
I mean behaviours such as: paranoia, very self defending and seeing alot of actions, either minor or great, as possibly offensive.