Eleven people hanging on a rope from a helicopter...they were being rescued, ten men and one woman. Well, the rope couldn't sustain them all, it was destined to break and they would all die, so one of them had to let go. The woman looked at the ten men, all hanging on for dear life and she said, "Relax, I'm going to let go because all my life I've given up things for men. All my life I had to make the sacrifices and I never got any thanks. I'm used to it. So I'll let go." And with that all ten men applauded!
________
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a
large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the
apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching
the apples.
__________
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure, don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"
The first joke is not intended as feminist or anything...
