I feel very lonely. Reading about solitude and loneliness didn't help much. Those meanings are really close to what I been through. Underestimated, rejected, failed and lots of those things. That's why I hate pessimists. They affect me and my will.
I am only optimist and realistic. I am really trying. Sorry if I went too far on any of you. My social senses needs to mature.
Posting like a machine. Well cus I don't have much else really. Whenever I felt safe as a child or youth, someone always broke it. I have been broken enough. My heart wants to try and I really want to move on. Give myself time and don't go desperate. Sigh. I hope I can find a girl and build a new family someday. Feeling safe is all that comforts me now. I don't need to play games. My eyes are too tired for it anyway. I don't expect you to say anything about this but when people care even just a little it helps a lot. I really don't demand much. I just want to be accepted as a human. It is only natural for our instincts to create this panic feeling. This anxiety feelings are being categorized in our world today. Totally unfair. Lots of people in institutions are being treated like machines. It was meant to help us move on not increase your wallet. That was probably the original idea. Those pharma medicines might help you get away from your problems. But that is just a temporary solution. What it really does is making you even more empty and cold. At these times I got misunderstood too many times. Now I finally suceeded in removing all types of medicine and it works. The thing is all those feelings that was closed comes back now all of them. Not just the 8 past years but my whole life. I don't even want to think about what would happen if I started on it again. Never ever again. It would destroy my feelings and I would forget myself until body dies out. Despair and solitude at high level is a hard thing to work with myself. Only the human natural senses can help me put of this and it still does. Focusing health and plans. Still I need friends that would care as much as I care for them. Never ever had that picture in my life. Yes, of course I am a virgin. So? Time was not my friend. To have a relationship is something I never have experienced.
To feel love? Never felt it. I tried ten thousands of times to find someone but with no luck. All I have is my skills. Will someone really acknowledge them anytime?
I keep hoping while walking this road as a lone wolf...
I know that this is just a forum over the internet but I am not afraid of trying something new.
To write this down helps me see through my lost life. Good night devilmaycry.org Sweet dreams. See you tomorrow!
But it makes us appreciate the good times that much more, and things can only get better.