Relationships

[Vergillicious]

Sorry for creating this post. Just kind of sick of relationships. Especially when you have a guy/girl and their friends say that they are worth keeping. That they have been hurt.

What are your thoughts on them? Would you like to have someone special or are you a lonewolf type?

Well I've got a boyfriend like that. But he doesn't treat me like I'm his girlfriend, he says he wants no body else. But he doesn't show it. And I've only been with him for almost 2 months. And we rarely see each other. And there's no communication. He's the one that asked me to be his girl to want to have a serious relationship. Now I'm not so sure about that. He doesn't open up. He wasn't me to fully trust him. I have some trust for him. But I'm not just going to give my trust 100% right away. Especially not the way this relationship is going.

I think I might just become one of those lonewolf type.

Anyways sorry for the stupid post. If you want you can close it or whatever you do.

 

[V]

I'm a lonewolf type in a relationship. A fish out of water, in other words.

 

[Vergillicious]

I'm a lonewolf type in a relationship. A fish out of water, in other words.

I guess I'm just not cut out to be in them haha I don't believe that there is a special person for each and everyone of us. It's just BS

 

[V]

I guess I'm just not cut out to be in them haha I don't believe that there is a special person for each and everyone of us. It's just BS

I'm beginning to believe that too.

 

[Vergillicious]

I'm beginning to believe that too.

Sorry, love is for people that are willing to be there for each other to go through the good and the bad. But this relationship it just started out bad with no trust no communication. At least I have been trying and my boyfriend just seems to not really give a damn. He wants me to open up but he doesn't have anything to say when I do. He doesn't know what to do about it. So it's pointless for me to tell him things if he's not going to reply.

 

[Loopy]

If you're hardly seeing each other and he's not bothering to make an effort, then that's not a relationship to me. He just sounds like a non starter, just like the other guy you described a while back...I think that was you? Ditch this guy before it ends up like last time with another loser who drives your self esteem into the ground.
Also, if you are sick of relationships, then don't force yourself into being in a relationship. Do you even like this guy? Or are you with him just to be with someone? I've seen that mistake made and it does not end well.

As for my view on relationships, I am open to them, but I do not need one to define me. I am happy on my own, but if a special guy comes along who I am compatible with, then I am happy to be with him. Currently with someone special for over 2 years now and I like it, but I also like that we are independent people. We're not together all the time. I'd go mad if we were around each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I like my alone time, so does he. :tongue:

It's nice to be close to someone in that way, but it also makes people at their most vulnerable. It's like a double edged sword that you have to be mature for and prepared for.
Some people go into relationships with the idea of one true love, or that relationships are perfect like a movie. Being like that is unrealistic and just ruins the relationship from the start.

I guess I'm just not cut out to be in them haha I don't believe that there is a special person for each and everyone of us. It's just BS

I think you have to be with a few people before you find the right one, or the one you are most compatible with. But I don't think there is such thing as one true love. People change during their lives and someone who seemed like a one true love during teenage years could drive you insane in your 20s. :tongue:

 

[Vergillicious]

If you're hardly seeing each other and he's not bothering to make an effort, then that's not a relationship to me. He just sounds like a non starter, just like the other guy you described a while back...I think that was you? Ditch this guy before it ends up like last time with another loser who drives your self esteem into the ground.
Also, if you are sick of relationships, then don't force yourself into being in a relationship. Do you even like this guy? Or are you with him just to be with someone? I've seen that mistake made and it does not end well.

As for my view on relationships, I am open to them, but I do not need one to define me. I am happy on my own, but if a special guy comes along who I am compatible with, then I am happy to be with him. Currently with someone special for over 2 years now and I like it, but I also like that we are independent people. We're not together all the time. I'd go mad if we were around each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I like my alone time, so does he. :tongue:

It's nice to be close to someone in that way, but it also makes people at their most vulnerable. It's like a double edged sword that you have to be mature for and prepared for.
Some people go into relationships with the idea of one true love, or that relationships are perfect like a movie. Being like that is unrealistic and just ruins the relationship from the start.


I think you have to be with a few people before you find the right one, or the one you are most compatible with. But I don't think there is such thing as one true love. People change during their lives and someone who seemed like a one true love during teenage years could drive you insane in your 20s. :tongue:

I do like this guy a lot, but it seems that he hides a lot and tells me lies. His friends tell me that he's such a nice guy but I feel that we are not compadible at all. The other guy that I had talked about we were compadible in almost everything. I feel that this guy just wanted someone so he wouldn't have to be alone. I don't think that he's ready to be in one. We don't go out watch a movie or dinner. It's like he doesn't care at all. He believes that I am the one for him. But he doesn't show it. Seems like he makes excuses a lot of the time too. The other guy showed that he cared he'd still call and talk to me even acted he moved away. He told me that he was waiting for me to move to Hawaii for him. He even told me that he wanted me to meet his dad someday. He wanted everything ready for me. But..we weren't together. At least he had made the effort of telling me how he felt that he wanted me. But this guy..not so much..

 

[V]

I am not in a good position to give advice but, if it feels like a lot of hard work even at an early stage, it probably will continue to be. If you can't get past small obstacles over communication issues now, they won't improve with the added stress of a 'serious'/live in relationship.

If you like the guy but he doesn't act the way you want a guy to act towards you, give him one chance to fix that. And don't be subtle, guys aren't all that bright sometimes to pick up on little hints. Otherwise, you could be wasting your time because someone like that might find it hard to change to accommodate someone else, and if they do have huge emotional issues... they can be super stubborn with them. Just saying.

 

[Loopy]

I do like this guy a lot, but it seems that he hides a lot and tells me lies. His friends tell me that he's such a nice guy but I feel that we are not compadible at all.

If you feel nothing, then don't be with him. If he is a liar, that is a very bad start to a relationship. If he lies now, what else can he lie about in the future? Relationships need to be built on honesty, openness and trust.

I feel that this guy just wanted someone so he wouldn't have to be alone. I don't think that he's ready to be in one. We don't go out watch a movie or dinner. It's like he doesn't care at all. He believes that I am the one for him. But he doesn't show it. Seems like he makes excuses a lot of the time too.

If you think he is just using you so he won't be alone, then don't be with him. you're basically doing the same thing: being with a guy who shows no interest in you just so you are not alone. Dump him, work out what you want, get used to doing things by yourself, grow and mature and then think about finding a guy. No point in finding a guy if you haven't sorted yourself out.

The other guy showed that he cared he'd still call and talk to me even acted he moved away. He told me that he was waiting for me to move to Hawaii for him. He even told me that he wanted me to meet his dad someday. He wanted everything ready for me. But..we weren't together. At least he had made the effort of telling me how he felt that he wanted me. But this guy..not so much..

Are you talking about the guy you posted this about?:

'I have this friend but he moved away and he only talks to me when he's drunk. He's an alcoholic and he is one of those type that considers himself a "LoneWolf" he texts and calls me but only when he has been drinking. We had both gotten out of long relationships and then we started to get close quite fast (bad idea) and he had to leave right when it was going so well. I have strong feelings for him but he never tells me how he feels when I ask him.'

and this:

'I just care about him so much but I'm trying to keep my feelings for him apart. Cause I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hurt me. There are also sometimes when I try and talk to him on the phone he doesn't seem to care and he just watches tv or whatever. And I just find that very rude, but I don't say anything and keep talking.'

and this:

'And then when he wasn't getting the attention that he got, he would come back to his girlfriend. That he just took advantage of her but he told me that she was a good girl and how she was so independent. And how they would do everything together. To be honest it hurt hearing how much he loved her..and I meant nothing to him, so it seemed.'

That doesn't sound like a guy who cared for you at all. It's like you just find guys with emotional problems who don't care about you and need to sort themselves out. Got to say though, you never mentioned him wanting you to move with him or meet his father. Just as well you didn't considering all the crap he did.

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

I went through 3 failed relationships before I found someone that I've stuck with for over a year. We love each other immensely and will never let each other go, at least I hope not.

So maybe you've had a few bad ones, but you just have to pick yourself back up and try again. That's what I did. Eventually you'll find a winner. ^^

 

[TWOxACROSS]

Liking someone is one thing; wanting to work at a relationship and feeling comfortable with them is another. It's rough, but if you're not happy in your "relationship" you need to talk about it. Communication is the most important thing to keeping a relationship on the tracks. If you guys finally communicate and you find it better to just let it end, then that's that. It's not fair to either of you to stick with a relationship that is making one or both of you unhappy. Nothing good comes from it, and staying in a relationship because you like each other or you like him isn't enough, because a relationship is much more than that.

You don't need to be with someone to be happy, and sometimes everyone needs a phase in there life to be single to figure things out for themselves. It's not about being alone, just...about being by yourself, taking some time to recharge and get priorities straight.

 

[Vergillicious]

If you feel nothing, then don't be with him. If he is a liar, that is a very bad start to a relationship. If he lies now, what else can he lie about in the future? Relationships need to be built on honesty, openness and trust.


If you think he is just using you so he won't be alone, then don't be with him. you're basically doing the same thing: being with a guy who shows no interest in you just so you are not alone. Dump him, work out what you want, get used to doing things by yourself, grow and mature and then think about finding a guy. No point in finding a guy if you haven't sorted yourself out.


Are you talking about the guy you posted this about?:




and this:



and this:


That doesn't sound like a guy who cared for you at all. It's like you just find guys with emotional problems who don't care about you and need to sort themselves out. Got to say though, you never mentioned him wanting you to move with him or meet his father. Just as well you didn't considering all the crap he did.

The guy that moved to Hawaii, his best friend told me that he would talk about me all the time. Jeramiah wanted me to meet his best friend. He said "I love you" and then he would be "like dude I was talking to you" and then his friend was like "I thought you were talking to her" Jeramiah was one of those guys that couldn't tell you how he felt. But after awhile he would call me up and tell me things that surprised me. That he was raised to support his woman. I had bought a ticket to Maui and I had the date set. But Jeramiah wasn't ready at the time. Then he called me when he was ready. That I need to tell him when I was coming so that he could pick me up at the airport and take me home. But I knew that he had feelings for me..and they came out more when he was drinking. He's even play me songs like "yellow" from Coldplay. When he was here. We went to the beach we played halo, we wrestled. There was one time when we were talking outside and we were sitting on these cheap plastic chairs. And he told me to come sit on his lap. As I say on his lap "CRACK" the chair falls into pieces haha and he was the one that got all the impact. But when I was with him no matter the weather, I was always happy and smiling..we had so much in common it was crazy. But it was the best feeling I ever felt..

 

[TWOxACROSS]

To get all flowery on yah - everyone has bad relationships. Some have more than others. However, all it takes is that one person that you connect with, on a deeper level, like in your soul. That one person will make all those bad relationships you've gone through worth it.

 

[Chancey289]

I would personally like companionship but, for me it's a little hard to find that one person I really connect with. I guess growing up being mentally and physically abused for so long really had an effect on me because I find it hard establishing emotional connections with people.

I mean, it's not really hard for me to get a date because I've had plenty of girlfriends growing up. During my junior high and high school years not to brag but I was quite a ladies man. I fooled around a lot.

But I still never actually truly cared for anyone deeply. Now, I've been single for quite some time and I don't fool around like I did when I was a teen. I've never fallen in love with anyone but I want to. I want that person that will love me for me. I think it would be nice to have that because I feel lonely sometimes. After all the crap I go through I wouldn't mind having that special someone just holding me and telling me it's gonna be ok.

Now I'm getting a little sappy

Still hoping one day I can be with that someone and I think that I'm starting to see something.

 

[DragonMaster2010]

At least you're in a relationship. To tell the truth, I've never had a relationship, so I really can't help you at all. Being a guy with aspergers can be pretty tough when it comes to being social, especially when it comes to asking girls out. Hell, if I ever actually get a girlfriend, I'm worried that I might slip up, or we have a fight and I won't be able to know what to do. I'm not too worried about the breaking up part though. Breaking up will probably be like years of rejection for me since that's all I've seen growing up. Sometimes I believe I'm just not good enough to get a girl friend, and that I might never find the one special person in the future. Sometimes I think I'm just too ugly, or not street smart enough to get a girlfriend. Other times I think I'm just not as good as that basketball player or that dude who smokes a lot of weed and drinks and dances all the time; AKA not a fun cool guy.

 

[Vergillicious]

At least you're in a relationship. To tell the truth, I've never had a relationship, so I really can't help you at all. Being a guy with aspergers can be pretty tough when it comes to being social, especially when it comes to asking girls out. Hell, if I ever actually get a girlfriend, I'm worried that I might slip up, or we have a fight and I won't be able to know what to do. I'm not too worried about the breaking up part though. Breaking up will probably be like years of rejection for me since that's all I've seen growing up. Sometimes I believe I'm just not good enough to get a girl friend, and that I might never find the one special person in the future. Sometimes I think I'm just too ugly, or not street smart enough to get a girlfriend. Other times I think I'm just not as good as that basketball player or that dude who smokes a lot of weed and drinks and dances all the time; AKA not a fun cool guy.

Don't doubt yourself I'm sure you'll get yourself someone real special. Sometimes it takes years and there are times it's just a few days down the road. And sometimes all it takes is something so small. Like walking into a store or doing something nice. As for me I'm not one to look for anyone they usually come to me. And I don't know why. But have faith and hope. All is not lost.

 

[ef9dante_oSsshea]

There is one true love for everyone I have been with a good few women since my teens and loved some of em a lot but then I stayed single and found my fiancée and fell madly in love with her I couldn't be without her it would be like losing the ability to breath we got engaged and are togetjer 5 years and plan to get married asap and two weeks ago had our first child the right person is worth going through hurt and breakups and worth waiting for cause when you find em its beyond words I couldn't describe in words how happy we are together and with each other so if this guy isn't invested in making it work you need to put it on the line for him or end it

 

[DragonMaster2010]

Don't doubt yourself I'm sure you'll get yourself someone real special. Sometimes it takes years and there are times it's just a few days down the road. And sometimes all it takes is something so small. Like walking into a store or doing something nice. As for me I'm not one to look for anyone they usually come to me. And I don't know why. But have faith and hope. All is not lost.

I know. That's mostly all the pent up feeling of high school coming out.

But I've since then felt better about myself and do plan on at least trying to find a girl friend to be with. But as I said before, I just hope I'm ready to be in a relationship.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Life is too short to waste on relationships that arent going anywhere, plenty of other people out there and no matter what you think there is ALWAYS someone out there for you. Been through some pretty rough relationships in my time and split up from a handful of long term partners but im engaged now and couldnt be happier. So no matter how bad your last relationship might have ended dont tar everyone with the same brush and dont compare.

 

[Vergillicious]

So what if I already met the one that was for me? And yes I'm talking about the guy that moved to Hawaii. The way we met the first time it was nothing I've ever encountered before. It was like we had that immediate connection. And then after a week of meeting we saw each other yet again and it was crazy. And then we started seeing each other more. We were very much alike and we had moments that seemed that they would last forever. He wasn't a douche like I made him out to seem. It wasn't his doing at all. It was myself doubt, I didn't think that he liked me anymore. Cause he left. But then we always kept in touch. Then a friend of mine told me that he was just playing with my emotions. And I listened to her...he was not a douchebag. He was the best think that ever happened to me. In my heart I felt I had found the one for me. That he was my soul mate. It was never his fault. I felt that he was perfect for me. We were so much alike it was scary. But in a good way. Now my heart has never felt the same after he left. After he left he regretted it. And now he's just searching for himself. He was adopted and he wants to know where he came from and why he was given up. He wants to know who his parents were. If he had any brother or sisters. That's the pain he's always going to have. Until he does something about it. He drinks a lot cause of it to numb the pain. He works so hard he has his own place. His own convertable, in paradise.