Mean Or not?

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Damien

Damien

Anti - Little D
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Apr 15, 2008
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Hey, I was having a chat with a friend of mine on facebook and here is how the chat went word for word!


Me:its hard to keep track of your jobs lol


Her:Maybe next month
They haven't done much in months


Me:did you have a good new years??


Her: I'll be getting at least 16 thousand a year once I start my new one


Me: get you :P


Her: Yeah was alright. Just another day tbh. You?


Me:Had a really good time actually.. was with work friends and had a really good time


Her:Yep together me and Steve will have a 40 grand household income
That's cool then
Glad you have a good time


Me:good for you and steve :/


Her: What's with the stupid face


Me:Nothing for me to be happy about lol
Im glad tht your rolling in it but not overly excite
*excited
hence :/


Her:Nice to know you're a good friend then


Me:It has nothing to do with being a good friend... just dont find it exciting.. im glad that you will have lots of money


Her:Well how would you have felt if I did that when wo. Told me about your promotion
Nevermind. I know not to tell you about thing's I'm looking forward to ever again


Me: over reaction!
Im glad that you and steve will have a stable income but Im not overly excited by the it.. Im sure you felt the sam way about my promotion
*same
So was I mean or not by putting :/ and by saying I wasnt overly excited that she was bragging about her money.
 
Nope, I don't think you were mean, and if anything, why brag if you're not prepared to face the fire?...
Honestly? 16 grand a year is nothing...
 
Wasn't mean at all. But you could have done without the :/ face. It just made it look like you really didn't care, which isn't the case of course. Also why the conversation escalated negatively.
 
Seems to me she was looking specifically for you to comment more expansively on her money news - why else would she almost completely ignore everything else in the conversation and keep steering it back to her income? The smiley face prolly didn't help and she probably felt you were trying to put a bit of a downer on it all but you know that's not what you were intending and, given a bit of time, she'll understand that too. When people are excited about something, they naturally want others to be excited too and when they aren't, then it tends to be taken rather more personally than it usually would.

My sister is a bit like that - I get yelled at for not using the "correct" words when she asks what I think of something. Apparently the words "nice", "good" and "fine" are not what she's looking for...it's a bit like having a wife :P
 
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Nobody was being mean in that conversation. It just didn't seem like either of you had that much interest for one another's points. At least not to the extent you were both looking for. She seemed just as pleased that you had a really good time with your work friends, as you did for her when it came to her household income. But she probably expected a bit more of a reaction because maybe she values you as a great friend. But then the same could be said for your behalf, because the conversation shouldn't just be one sided.

I don't know how great your friendship is with her. But you made clear to her that you were happy for her, but it wasn't something that was of great interest to you. I'm assuming you mean personally to your own life. Agreed on that matter, because if I told you I just won fifty million, what difference would it make to you? Besides being pleased for me, it isn't going to change your own life. To all of those out there starving, do they really care if I went out and won the jackpot on the national lottery? Or if she is going to accumulate a forty thousand pound household income with (I'm assuming her partner) Steve? No, of course not. And although not starving, why would this news impact your own life so greatly that you would be forced to do cartwheels for her? She wanted a reaction from you, but it seemed to verge more on attention seeking. And bragging about such things is not a good way to get the reaction you want. In fact it's going to cause the opposite sort of reaction. Therefore whereas you may of been pleased for her. You probably weren't happy that the entire point of the conversation was just seeming to be leaning towards her big important news. The majority of her responses, if not all, seemed to report back to the same point over and over. She was going to be more better off, and you had no choice but to scream about how pleased for her you were.

Friendship or not, this makes no difference. You weren't being mean about it. I will agree though that adding the face probably didn't help you, to be honest. But you explained why you put the face, so it's not like it was left unjustified.

If she still feels bad about it, just tell her that you are pleased for her. But let her know that you had already stated that you were pleased for her, so you don't see why you're in the wrong. This should probably put her in a spot where she will have to let you know what her problem was and then you can try and make up to resolve the matter.
 
Angel said:
Also, women are weird. You can't win. Anything you say can and will be used against you for the rest of your natural life ;)
Click to expand...

Who wins when you put a woman against another woman then? =/ Man, working females out is hard work...
 
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Angel said:
Well the men do, obviously. Because they are well out of it and with any luck there will be jelly and wrestling involved...
Click to expand...

Funny enough I was thinking that. Well minus the jelly and wrestling, but now that you mention it.

Also I've been told that women have these things called...hormones.
 
She seemed like she wanted attention and you didn't want to give it to her, so she got butthurt about it. Both of you could have handled it better. Also, posting this on a forum in order to gain acceptance is really low of you. This is a problem between you and your friend and you should talk with her instead of posting it on a forum and humiliate her in front of strangers.
 
I don't want to judge someone I don't know, but if you're asking I'd say you weren't supportive enough and acted like you didn't care; and she was bragging too much, then really flew off the handle over something too small. Clearly two wrongs don't make a right.
And I agree with those guys^ you shouldn't have posted it on here. At least it's anonymous though.
 
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I wouldn't say that posting it on here was him trying to seek acceptance. Acceptance for what exactly? Perhaps a potential mistake he had made by not being so supportive. I never jumped over the moon when I lost my job and my friend gained a promotion. We were both at opposite ends of the spectrum. But you don't just go around rubbing success in other people's faces. That is what is known as being cold.
 
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I don't think it was mean. She could've been reading it wrong because remember, text based conversations don't have tone of voice, body language or facial expressions to give the true meaning of what someone is saying so she may have taken it as an insult.
Or she just really wanted to tell someone about her success. If she's your friend, I understand being honest about the topic but at least pretend to care or word your phrase differently so that you can hint what you're trying to say.

No names were given so I can't really say it's bad to be posting this.
 
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A little cold? Possibly, you didn't really need to say you didn't find it all that exciting, I mean, how would you feel if you were excited about something happening to you, talked to someone else about it and they told you it didn't interest them?

Mean though? Not really.

It takes two, both parties at fault because she kept drawing the conversation back to her financial well being which just comes across as insufferable, and you for flat out telling a friend you weren't all that bothered by their good news.
Here's the thing: People don't appreciate blunt honesty about 95% of the time, generally, if you wanna keep people happy you need to at least pretend their good news interests you.
 
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i wouldn't say it was mean but i wouldn't have really put the face as some people can take it seriously
 
What I can't seem to comprehend is the question at hand. I can understand maybe you would want to confide in others about this problem. Try to share some thoughts on the matter. But if you're asking us for an opinion, that won't personally get you anywhere. There's not much point in asking whether or not your actions were mean, cold, malicious or whatever. Because at the end of the day, one person will tell you they weren't and the other will tell you they were. Then which judgement are you going to pick for yourself? Because choosing to pick that you weren't mean just because a vast majority of people came to that opinion, is not really thinking for yourself. Ask yourself whether you thought it was mean. If you honestly didn't, try to understand what sort of person you think you may be. Then really you will get your answer for yourself.
 
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