The Top Five Game Protagonists I'd Hate to Be

[Meg]

Wrote up a fun article for you guys. ^_^

Needless to say this list contains some spoilers, so if you have yet to play these games and don't want any plot points ruined you may want to skip over some parts.


Top 5 Game Protagonists I’d hate to be


Ever play a game with a main character so epic you wish you could be them, or at least like them? Characters like Ezio, John Marston, Dante, and Leon Kennedy. Well, this list isn’t about those guys. No, this is about all those main characters that get the short end of the stick. These characters aren’t necessarily bad, but you don’t want to be in their shoes either.


5. Mario (Mario)

He may be the most iconic character of all time, but that doesn’t stop him from being a character you’d hate to be. Think about it. He has to save the same princess from the same villain all. the. damn. time. Imagine that really hard thing you had to do that one time. Now imagine having to do it every day of your life. Now you know what it means to be Mario.


4. That Guy You Play As (Demon’s Souls)

Ok so he kinda brought his fate upon himself by going to fight the Old One in the first place, but let’s not point fingers shall we? This guy has to fight even when he’s dead. Why? To save the world from demons, and to get his body back. Tough luck. The fact that this game is super hard doesn’t help either. Oh yeah, and when you finish the game it just starts all over again. This guy can’t catch a break. And the fact that all the character models to choose from are super ugly doesn’t help either.


3. Lightning (Final Fantasy XIII)

Ah because no post by me would be complete without this little nugget of bitchiness. This poor thing has it rough. Not only does she spend 90% of the game running forward, but she also has to deal with some truly annoying people from Hope’s whining, to Snow’s ‘heroics’, to Vanille’s overly cheerfulness. All the while dealing with a horrible and overly melodramatic story. Yes this girl gets into quite the pickle. The fact that she is the main character for only the first two thirds of the game and then it randomly switches to another character, so Lightning really isn’t that important at all, serves to further cement her as a character belonging on this list.


2. Jack (Bioshock)

Imagine being in a plane that crashes in the middle of the ocean. Oh look! There’s a big building on an island over there. How convenient! I’ll just get in this sub and visit some underwater city filled with insane freaks and do whatever Atlas “kindly” tells me to do. What can go wrong? Needless to say a lot can and did go wrong. Oh, but don’t worry, its just the usual case of “kill the twisted leader of the city only to find out you are not only his son, but the guy you had been listening to hardwired your brain to do everything he said and now you have to kill him to. “ No biggy.


1. Desmond Miles (Assassin’s Creed)

Being a modern day Assassin may sound awesome. Especially if that means having a hidden blade and being able to perform impressive stunts all while trying to save the world from an evil corporation run by Templars. However, what’s not awesome is having to sit in a machine all day every day reliving the life of your much cooler than you ancestors. The AC story may revolve around Desmond, but I’d be lying if I said he was the star of the show. Nope, that belongs to his ancestors, especially Ezio, while Desmond is nothing more than a nuisance that gets in the way of the player’s fun.

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What do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts on my list as well as your own list. ^_^

 

[Angelo Credo]

I can only really think of two who I wouldn't want to be, off the top of my head.

1 - Isaac Clarke - Dead Space.
When horrific dismemberment and frequent, frequent, frequent, repeated, horrible death is part and parcel of your every day occupational hazards, I'd suggest getting a new god damn job.

2 - The Lone Wanderer - Fallout 3.

Despite the riches left behind in post apocalyptic DC...It's post apocalyptic DC man.
Mutants, raiders, creepy crawlies twice your size, all just waiting to rip your face off, and if they don't kill you, the radioactive water you're going to have to drink to survive will.

 

[Osaka]

Off the top of my head I'd say:

Solid Snake - The guy must have been born under the most unluckiest star ever. Family, friends, government folk and everyone inbetween trying to kill him, having to keep taking down Metal Gears and a host of other crap. Would anyone really want to keep going through all that?

Jill Valentine - I'd have said any of the characters having to put up with zombie overload but a special mention has to go to Jill and the constent thorn in her side being Nemesis.

 

[Esura]

This is the only one I can think about at the moment...

Samus Aran - formerly a badass female bounty hunter that all female gamers want to be and all male gamers want to beat off to. Well, with Other M, now shes a whiny, bitchy, subservient mistress to Adam who seems to LOVE abuse under his command. Now shes a whiny female bounty hunter that all female gamers (should not) want to be. All male gamers still beat off to her so whatever.

You dont want to be her right now. Nintendo messed her up.

 

[aka958]

I would not want to be:

The Prince from the Prince of Persia Sands of Time trilogy - Oh yeah, unleashing the sands of time, needing to kills those he love as they've become sand monsters, go out to undo what he did with the indian princess Farah. They go far, she dies in the end, he undoes his mistakes as if nothing had happened. Of course no one else but him knows about everything that happened. Then he is chased by a beast that guards the timeline because he should've died. He takes a trip to the island of time, tries to get the empress of time while constantly fleeing from the beast, kills off the beast and saves the empress while stopping the sands from being created. Although when coming home to Persia everything is at war and pretty much sh*t happens again. ._.

 

[Darth Angelo]

Solid Snake
"im just a man who is good at what he does...killing, ive got no purpose in life...no ultimate goal"
I don't think it's just the crap he went through that makes Solid Snake's story so sad I think its that throughout the games you get the impression that deep down he has always been sad and alone. He resents what he is and has never been truely happy and it seems like he never wanted to be a soldier but was born with an unescapable addiction to it. And this addiction consumed his life and made him miserable until the day he died. He was never meant to be anything more than a weapon but inside he just wanted to be free..he wanted to be happy. He was a gun with a soul.


Sherry Birkin
Poor kid suffers the horrors of a zombie infested city, gets hunted by a big creepy unstoppable boogieman, loses both her parents one of which turns into a freaky monster and tries to kill her. Then after she is taken away and no doubt stuck with needles for god knows how long she is left all alone with nothing left to hope for. Thats gotta seriously suck for a 12 year old.

Luigi
I mean being Mario is bad enough, going down smelly pipes constantly having to save ungrateful princesses etc. but living is Mario's shadow. I bet the poor guy don't get half the female attention he deserves.

 

[Vergil'sBitch]

Raziel - As a human Raz was a Warrior that fought in the Sarafan army hunting vampires. Human Razwas killed by his wraith self. Only to be resurrected as a Vampire by Kain. After he evolved and grew wings, he p***ed off Lord Kain, only to be thrown into the Lake of the Dead by his Vampire bretheren become wraith Raziel. He ended up being played off as a pawn by other major characters in the games. Eventually, in defiance, Raziel's soul is imprisoned in Kain's soul reaver sword.

That's pretty much who i would hate to be...

 

[Osaka]

Luigi
I mean being Mario is bad enough, going down smelly pipes constantly having to save ungrateful princesses etc. but living is Mario's shadow. I bet the poor guy don't get half the female attention he deserves.

No one ever thinks about Luigi unless it's out of sympathy because why else would you think of him?

 

[DeviRyuuD]

No order;

John Shepard, Mass Effect series
The reason behind that, this is one of the saddest characters i`ve ever played in a game.

Spoiler

In Mass Effect he is a tool to hunt down the rogue spectre - Saren, who then finds out about the Reapers and gets his opinions rejected even after Soveregns fall. He dies in the beginning of Mass Effect 2, then gets resurrected, to become, yet again, a tool for Cerberus.

Shepard is the biggest tool ever.

The Vault Dweller, Fallout
Ever done a big and difficult deedfor people, who then cast you out, just because you`ve seen the outside world..? And plus, see the horrors of The Master?

Otto Eduard Leopold von Bismarck, Civilization V
Despite being German, despite having some pretty decent units in the game, whenever you`re up against him, he`s an anomaly that can`t manage to get through Middle age, while others are already flying shuttles into space..

The Dragon Knight, Divinity 2: Ego Draconis
Remember what i said about Shepard?

Spoiler

You start off pretty nice, become a Slayer and stuff then get turned into a Dragon Knight that`s supposed to rid Rivellon of Damian, then in the end to find out you`ve been used all this time and by doing the last quest - make him immortal and get trapped in the Hall of Echoes, or the equivalent of Hell.

Moira, Fallout 3
You know what, i`d just kill myself if i were her...

 

[Satsui no Hado]

5.Leon S. Kennedy(Resident Evil 4)
Reason:I'd really hate to having to deal with horrible mutants/zombies on a farm,then a castle and finally an island on my own.Not to mention I'd had to deal with Ashley throughout the game.

4.Starkiller(Star Wars:The Force Unleashed)
Reason:Being kidnapped from your father when still a child,having to be brutaly trained by Darth Vader,being betrayed by Darth Vader twice and finally dies knowing that the woman he loves is out there alone and theres a bunch of wussy Starkiller clones out to replace him.Seriously...sucks to be this guy.

3.Travis Touchdown(No More Heroes)
Reason:Having to see my parents die right infront of me,having to work with some bitch that has no respect for anyone,being forced to have to go through rankings TWICE just to get revenge for both times,having to fight and kill his ex-girlfriend,killing a bunch of assassins that didn't deserve to die,having his best friend killed and finally....living in a crappy motel.

2.Lucas(Mother 3)
Reason:...Oh boy...I can go forever saying how sad this kid's life is.I mean...hes just a little boy that has go through a mindf*ck of a world.Not to mention having his mother dead and having lost his brother who was pretty much the only family he had for a while...and he has to deal with this...just as a little kid.

1.Roxas(Kingdom Hearts 2)
Reason:Having to kill his own best friend,being part of an organization with people that hate him,being forced into a world that was considered his home but it was all fake,having to fight yet ANOTHER ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS and basically plenty of secrets hidden from he, and being told that he has no right to know anything or to even exist and finally... he has to die knowing that he's just a copy of someone and that he was used just used to awaken Sora.

 

[BlueDevil]

Starkiller (Force Unleashed)- Pretty much same reasons as stated above. Honestly

Kratos (God of War)- Being horrifyingly hard to kill and intimidatingly awesome is good and all, but he's just too angry for me to be. Plus, I could NOT handle killing my own family, even if I didn't know it was them at first.

Dominic Santiago (Gears of War)- Refer to the above statement about killing family. First, he loses his brother. Then his children and other family. Then loses his wife and searches for her for TEN years, and when he finally finds her, she's been tortured so much that's she's pretty much just a husk. And the only way to help her was to put her out of her misery. Needless to say, he's been through a lot.

Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)- Seriously, if you've played the game, you know why.

And last, but not least!

I'd hate to be Nero. I love his character in DMC4...but so many people hate him, and I don't take to being hated with too much enthusiasm...so yeah