Mortal

[Angelo Credo]

Alternatively you could all stop getting at each other's throats, especially you Nic, Jess offered constructive criticism and people seem to be getting at her just because she dared to question the "brilliance" of your story.
She made very valid points, it was all constructive, she explained all of it, what I don't understand is why you had to pick at it and why you couldn't have taken the advice of someone who's obviously very experienced at writing/dealing with high quality fics and just gotten on with it and used her advice to improve your story for the next chapter.

Honestly, I'm getting sick and god damn tired of this holier than thou attitude that some forum members seem to spout off about here, and the number of ass kisser that step in to defend someone who's evidently at fault.

Nic, the problem is you started off your post directed at Jess in quite an aggressive manner when there was absolutely no need, hence why people are jumping on you for it, recognise that, move on, get over it.

You know what, I'm also tired of the attitude on the forum in general, not just in the Fan Fiction section, it's all become very cliquey and childish around here, seriously, immaturity is running rampant and it's getting incredibly tiresome to deal with.

Now kindly allow me to summarise, all of you, I may have to embolden this just to get the point across.

GROW THE HELL UP.​

Now that's out of the way with, a lot of you are treading on thin god damn ice here, Angel has already demonstrated that today, and I'm following suit, I won't be having any more of it. The following isn't a threat, it's a promise.

If I see any more of this petty bickering from any of you, you will be out of here quicker than you can sneeze.

 

[Angel]

What's a Gary-Stu?

 

[Meg]

What's a Gary-Stu?

PHEW! When I saw you posted I pooped my pants.

A Mary/Gary Sue is a character that is overpowered/author's pet/perfect in every way.

 

[Daring Dylan]

What's a Gary-Stu?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_sue

 

[Angel]

Oh wow - am I ever guilty of that :lol:

I think it can be quite hard not to make someone like that sometimes though - I mean, someone that awesome is so far removed from me as a person it's like the perfect escapism :lol:

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

I try to shy away from doing that with my characters. It's hard sometimes...

 

[Angel]

My later fictions have been almost the polar opposite, which I guess is also probably a bad thing too. I just got sick of pretty girl and pretty boy. So now all my lead characters have flaws and defects and, I dunno, club feet or whatever just to make them seem more....attainable, if you like. Nothing special about them - no hidden powers or amazing inner strength. Just regular, less-than-ordinary people getting on with things the best they can.

Anywho, I'm derailing someone's thread - I do apologise. Hopefully more of the story will be posted?

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

My later fictions have been almost the polar opposite, which I guess is also probably a bad thing too. I just got sick of pretty girl and pretty boy. So now all my lead characters have flaws and defects and, I dunno, club feet or whatever just to make them seem more....attainable, if you like. Nothing special about them - no hidden powers or amazing inner strength. Just regular, less-than-ordinary people getting on with things the best they can.

Anywho, I'm derailing someone's thread - I do apologise. Hopefully more of the story will be posted?

Actually, Nic told me that since this big misunderstanding occurred, no more of the story will be posted here...

 

[Angel]

Aw, that's a real shame

Maybe he'll change his mind after a while and have a go at posting more? I don't comment on the fictions here because, to be honest, it's all waaaay out of my league but I still enjoy reading them all.

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

Aw, that's a real shame

Maybe he'll change his mind after a while and have a go at posting more? I don't comment on the fictions here because, to be honest, it's all waaaay out of my league but I still enjoy reading them all.

Actually, when I told him you liked reading them, he said he'd keep working on them. So no harm done. ^_^

 

[Angel]

I'll be honest - I've only ever posted one thing I wrote on a forum and it was torn to pieces. And I mean pieces. I have never - nor will I ever - post again because of that. It's too horrible and my skin is about as thick as toilet paper :lol:

 

[Meg]

I'll be honest - I've only ever posted one thing I wrote on a forum and it was torn to pieces. And I mean pieces. I have never - nor will I ever - post again because of that. It's too horrible and my skin is about as thick as toilet paper :lol:

Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper, right?

It's good to know Nic is gonna continue. I'm glad this all worked out.

 

[Dante's Stalker]

@ Angel: Can I just say I would worship the ground you walk on if I knew where you were walking? You've got to be the sweetest person ever (and I think your username suits you well)!

I kinda lol'd at Credo. In fear. Because he's scary when he's mad. >_<

@Nic and DT - look guys, we're friends right? Would you have gone down on me just as hard if I'd pointed out the same things Jess had? I know receiving critique can be discouraging (and on that, I think I'll make a new thread here on how to deliver and receive concrit because CLEARLY nobody really knows what the hell they're doing and it's killing me) but it's meant to help you, not demotivate you.

I agreed with everything Jess pointed out, but look, I'll answer your question on the black locker from my perspective.

Given the average high school has somewhere between 100-300 students at a minimum, and given that usually about 50-80% of students own a locker, that would be A LOT of lockers. The idea of there only being one black locker in comparison to the 15 yellow lockers and 20 green lockers and 7 blue lockers...it's not believable, and it does come across as attention-seeking.

If you want your character to stand out, then make him fit in. Let there be several more black lockers if you don't want to change the colour. A character wins an audience over by exceeding expectations - nobody would expect just another average-Joe to be the next Lord of Weapons, do you get what I'm saying? Spiderman didn't go strutting through school in his suit and Bruce Wayne didn't drive down town to a big business meeting in his Batmobile.

Be more subtle about the identity of your hero. Don't throw it in our faces right off the bat, because we as your readers will catch on that there's something special about your two MC's. Don't underestimate the intellect of your audience by ramming all the facts down their throats in the first two chapters. Take your time, there's no rush!

Anyway, look, you guys know I'm a fan of your work and I think you two do collab pretty good, but don't let your pride be dented by a little argument. The crit was given with good intention, and you need to keep in mind that it's not a personal attack. It's NEVER a personal attack - unless the words 'you suck' or anything lame-as like that is given - and you need to remember that when someone is critiquing your work.

So please, you guys, don't be butthurt over this whole thing. It was whacked way out of the context it was meant to be received in, and I think there was a communication gap somewhere in there as well. Let's be mature, get over it, and post the next chapter, okay? PLEASE!

-edit-
Gah! I think everyone just ninja'd me.

 

[Angel]

@ Meg - We're talking supermarket value brand paper here :lol:

When Nic has got some more to post, I'll be looking forward to it - and if your main character can't have a black locker, can I have one? Mine was always grey at school...

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

Mine was a color that looked like bloody sh!t, to be quite honest. :lol: But yes, progress on the other chapters is going to go smoothly. I can tell.

 

[Nicodemus Zamoran]

After this big arguement, I was planning on taking a break from the forums for a few days, but as I read what had been said here, I felt that taking a break isn't nececary... Sorry if I was mean and such. I will get to work on the other chapters and such as soon as possible, as well as some other series. Thank you all for the advice. I will try to apply them to the story, but I don't really know how well that will work out. Also Clair, you wouldn't have put it in a much nicer way, so I may or may not would've jumped on you about the critisisms. And also, I didn't even think about that part, so I guess it is highly unlikely for Nic to have the only black locker. Just imagine that there where more and such if you like.

 

[Dante's Stalker]

Also Clair, you wouldn't have put it in a much nicer way, so I may or may not would've jumped on you about the critisisms. And also, I didn't even think about that part, so I guess it is highly unlikely for Nic to have the only black locker. Just imagine that there where more and such if you like.

Concrit isn't meant to be pretty, Nic. There isn't a 'nice' way of putting it, only a tactful way. But whatever. If you don't wanna change it, that's your baby.

 

[Nicodemus Zamoran]

It isn't that. I am too lazy at the moment to change it. I will get around to it eventually. The strange thing is, I started all this for fun. The stories started as a random thing just for fun, but they developed into something far more serious. Randomness is awesome most of the time.

A word to other people! Listen to the random thoughts. They may give you a good idea at some point.

 

[The crazy demon]

^So it was the Kingdom Of Driss RP

Back on topic: Will J appear?

 

[Nicodemus Zamoran]

...J? Do you mean Jak the Reaper?