Jokes!
- Thread starter KoRnDawwg
- Start date
King Avallach
Deity of the Old World
Why was the lepers' hockey match cancelled?
There was a face off in the corner!
There was a face off in the corner!
KoRnDawwg
-is writing an album
A blonde joke:
A blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a cave and get trapped inside it by a giant monster, who says:
"Tell me one thing true about you and I will let you go, if you don't I will eat you".
The red head says, "I think I have nice eyes". The monster lets her go.
The Brunette says, "I think I have nece hair". The moster lets her go.
And the blonde says, "I think-", and the monster eats her.
A blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a cave and get trapped inside it by a giant monster, who says:
"Tell me one thing true about you and I will let you go, if you don't I will eat you".
The red head says, "I think I have nice eyes". The monster lets her go.
The Brunette says, "I think I have nece hair". The moster lets her go.
And the blonde says, "I think-", and the monster eats her.
KoRnDawwg
-is writing an album
:lol: :lol: Here's one:
A blonde walks into a electronics store and says, "I would like this tele please". The guy at the counter refuses and says, "No, you are blonde".
The next day she dyes her hair red and walks in again wanting to buy the tele, but the counter guy still refuses and says to her again, "No, you are blonde".
The day after that she decides to dye her hair so she was a brunette, but yet again, the counter guy refuses because he says she is blonde. The blonde says, "How come you know that I am blonde every time I come in here?".
The counter guy points to the tele she wanted and says, "Well miss, this is a microwave".
A blonde walks into a electronics store and says, "I would like this tele please". The guy at the counter refuses and says, "No, you are blonde".
The next day she dyes her hair red and walks in again wanting to buy the tele, but the counter guy still refuses and says to her again, "No, you are blonde".
The day after that she decides to dye her hair so she was a brunette, but yet again, the counter guy refuses because he says she is blonde. The blonde says, "How come you know that I am blonde every time I come in here?".
The counter guy points to the tele she wanted and says, "Well miss, this is a microwave".
hamshanks
Apprentice of Doom
some people may take offence to this, but as ive said in another thread, i have nothing against religion.
these joke is purely for the sake of humour, not to offend anyone.
what's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?
-it only takes one nail to hang a picture
why doesnt jesus play hockey?
-because he gets nailed to the boards
why doesnt jesus play hide and seek?
-because he cheats (holes in hands)
jesus and moses are walking by the red sea and moses says to jesus, "watch this, i used to do this all the time." moses parts the water. jesus says to moses, "watch this, i used to do this all the time." starts walking on the water and falls through. jesus swims out and says, "i don't understand, i used to be able to do that all the time." moses says, "back then you didn't have holes in your feet."
alright, i think ive offended enough people with those so im gonna stop. just remember, purely for humour
these joke is purely for the sake of humour, not to offend anyone.
what's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?
-it only takes one nail to hang a picture
why doesnt jesus play hockey?
-because he gets nailed to the boards
why doesnt jesus play hide and seek?
-because he cheats (holes in hands)
jesus and moses are walking by the red sea and moses says to jesus, "watch this, i used to do this all the time." moses parts the water. jesus says to moses, "watch this, i used to do this all the time." starts walking on the water and falls through. jesus swims out and says, "i don't understand, i used to be able to do that all the time." moses says, "back then you didn't have holes in your feet."
alright, i think ive offended enough people with those so im gonna stop. just remember, purely for humour
IloveVergil
Demon a$$-kicker
A woman entered a bar and ordered a martini. A man was sitting close to her and he asked if he could join her. The woman warmly replied he was welcome and they toasted together.
"I'm celebrating," the man said.
"Really? I'm celebrating too.I have been trying to have a child for five years.Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant."she said happily.
"Congratulations!"
"And what's your story?"
"I'm a chicken farmer. Until today, none of my hens were laying any eggs. But today they are finally fertile."
"Wow. What did you do?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence." The woman said with a smile.
"I'm celebrating," the man said.
"Really? I'm celebrating too.I have been trying to have a child for five years.Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant."she said happily.
"Congratulations!"
"And what's your story?"
"I'm a chicken farmer. Until today, none of my hens were laying any eggs. But today they are finally fertile."
"Wow. What did you do?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence." The woman said with a smile.
Force_Edge
Master of Muppets
Found this one on the internet a few years ago.
You've all heard the expression "girls require time and money."
Therefore, Girls = Time x Money
And "time is money" is common knowledge. Thus,
Time = Money
Girls = Money^2
It is said that "money is the root to all evil." Thus,
Money = SquareRoot[Evil]
Money^2 = SquareRoot[Evil]^2
Money^2 = Evil
And so, we must conclude that
Girls = Evil
---------------------------------------------
A boy walked into a bar, and met up with the owner of a famous local stable. His best horse, Hannibal, was said to react to no man, despite being a circus horse. Yet, the boy claims he can make the horse weep. And so, the boy, the stable owner and a few farmers accompany the two to the stables.
And there they find Hannibal.
"Go ahead," says the stable owner. "Work your magic."
So the boy walks up to Hannibal, and whispers something in his ear. All of a sudden, the horse cries! Flabbergasted, the stable owner stares, and asks the boy if he can make the horse laugh during their circus show the following day. The boy agrees.
The next day, the boy walks up to Hannibal again, and whispers yet again in his ear. In front of everyone, the horse starts to laugh happily! After the show, the stable owner simply must ask the boy why he could make it laugh.
"First time, sir," says the boy, "I told the horse that mister's penis here was bigger than the horse's."
The stable owner stares at the boy in disbelief.
"Second time around, sir," continues the boy, "I told him I was lying."
You've all heard the expression "girls require time and money."
Therefore, Girls = Time x Money
And "time is money" is common knowledge. Thus,
Time = Money
Girls = Money^2
It is said that "money is the root to all evil." Thus,
Money = SquareRoot[Evil]
Money^2 = SquareRoot[Evil]^2
Money^2 = Evil
And so, we must conclude that
Girls = Evil
---------------------------------------------
A boy walked into a bar, and met up with the owner of a famous local stable. His best horse, Hannibal, was said to react to no man, despite being a circus horse. Yet, the boy claims he can make the horse weep. And so, the boy, the stable owner and a few farmers accompany the two to the stables.
And there they find Hannibal.
"Go ahead," says the stable owner. "Work your magic."
So the boy walks up to Hannibal, and whispers something in his ear. All of a sudden, the horse cries! Flabbergasted, the stable owner stares, and asks the boy if he can make the horse laugh during their circus show the following day. The boy agrees.
The next day, the boy walks up to Hannibal again, and whispers yet again in his ear. In front of everyone, the horse starts to laugh happily! After the show, the stable owner simply must ask the boy why he could make it laugh.
"First time, sir," says the boy, "I told the horse that mister's penis here was bigger than the horse's."
The stable owner stares at the boy in disbelief.
"Second time around, sir," continues the boy, "I told him I was lying."
hamshanks
Apprentice of Doom
haha...
man walks into a bar and the bartender says "never seen you around here before, you new in town?"
the man says "i just moved here from ireland, can i get 3 drinks?"
bartender says "what's the occasion?"
man says "im having a drink for my 2 friends back in ireland" so the man has his three drinks and leaves
for the next couple of weeks he continues this, then one day he walks in and says "can i get 2 drinks please?"
bartender says "what happened? did something happen to one of your friends?"
man says "no, i quit drinking"
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tori spelling walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "whats with the long face?"
man walks into a bar and the bartender says "never seen you around here before, you new in town?"
the man says "i just moved here from ireland, can i get 3 drinks?"
bartender says "what's the occasion?"
man says "im having a drink for my 2 friends back in ireland" so the man has his three drinks and leaves
for the next couple of weeks he continues this, then one day he walks in and says "can i get 2 drinks please?"
bartender says "what happened? did something happen to one of your friends?"
man says "no, i quit drinking"
-------------------------------------------------------
tori spelling walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "whats with the long face?"
A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. He eats it, shoots the waiter and walks out.
5 minutes later, the police track him down and ask him why he shot the barman.
"It's what I do," replied the panda. "Check the dictionary."
He handed the cops a ditionary, and looking through it, they found this:
"Panda: Eats shoots and leaves"
5 minutes later, the police track him down and ask him why he shot the barman.
"It's what I do," replied the panda. "Check the dictionary."
He handed the cops a ditionary, and looking through it, they found this:
"Panda: Eats shoots and leaves"
go 2 www.ploomoland.piczo.com and go 2 pics page and you'll find some funny stuff
King Avallach
Deity of the Old World
How do accountants liven up their office parties?
They invite an undertaker!
A blonde joke
A blonde sees an American and a Russian arguing
"We were the first to get into space" Says the Russian
"So? We were the first to land on the moon" Argues the American
"So what? we're going to be the first to land on the Sun" says the blonde
"You can't land on the Sun, you'll burn up!" Exclaims the Russian
So the blonde replies "Der, we're going at night"
and another
A blonde decides to take up flying. Since there were no Cessna's left, her instructor let her use the whirly bird (Helicopter). She was doing quite well until it came crashing down to Earth. Worried, the instructor hurried over and, fortunately she was still alive. "What the hell happened?!" he asked.
To which the blonde replied "I don't remember that well, uh, it was getting kinda cold up their so I turned off the big fan"
They invite an undertaker!
A blonde joke
A blonde sees an American and a Russian arguing
"We were the first to get into space" Says the Russian
"So? We were the first to land on the moon" Argues the American
"So what? we're going to be the first to land on the Sun" says the blonde
"You can't land on the Sun, you'll burn up!" Exclaims the Russian
So the blonde replies "Der, we're going at night"
and another
A blonde decides to take up flying. Since there were no Cessna's left, her instructor let her use the whirly bird (Helicopter). She was doing quite well until it came crashing down to Earth. Worried, the instructor hurried over and, fortunately she was still alive. "What the hell happened?!" he asked.
To which the blonde replied "I don't remember that well, uh, it was getting kinda cold up their so I turned off the big fan"