I don't know how..

[Vergillicious]

She's dating your ex? Man, are things getting complicated for you. It's like one complicated, bad relationship after another. Which ex is she is dating? The one who talked to you only while drunk, or the one who kept saying he liked other girls? Or a totally different one that you haven't posted about on here. If she's with one of them, warn her. Those guys sounded like bad news from what you were typing about them.


She's looking out for her brother, that's natural, especially with twins, there's bound to be a strong bond. But, the looney comment was stepping over. If she thinks that, nothing you can do about it I suppose, but still, it's not nice to openly say that to someone.

Maybe you should just get out of the relationship if that's what she thinks? The last thing you need is more drama and another person bringing you down. If you don't have the support of the guy's sister, then it's not going to be easy.

You're always so self-deprecating, so maybe that's what's causing her to make odd comments. She's probably thinking if you're constantly putting yourself down and can't even like yourself, then what's the point being with her twin? Maybe she thinks you'll drag him down too? Only natural, I suppose. Family look out for their own and tend to make snap judgements about newcomers being in relationships with their siblings or children. Sometimes, that kind of distrust or even hatred never goes away.

And you're right, no one likes to deal with continuous drama or high tension emotions. People can try to help, but there is only so much to do if the person needing help is unwilling to change and stuck in the same rut. It becomes tiring after and while and sympathy wears thin. That's the reality of it. People say they'll stick around, but they're only human and there's only so much they can take before it brings them down too.

Seeing as you've left quite an extensive record on here about these failed relationships with weird guys, maybe you should go through them and try to pinpoint a pattern to all this.
Maybe that could help you figure out a way to change and move forward so that you're not constantly putting yourself down and saying you're not worthy. Otherwise you'll be going like this in circles for the rest of your life, dating loser after loser, then thinking you need to be alone again, and then falling for another loser right off the bat and repeating the same self deprecating thought patterns about unworthiness and not needing to be in a relationship. It's a destructive cycle that needs to be broken.

No he's a good guy, I was with him for 6 years. The guy that I was stuck on for awhile moved to hawaii. And I don't remember saying that one of my exs liked other girls. It was the comment that the one im with now said to a friend of his on fb. He said that she was gorgeous. And I told him that it hurt to have read that. And he felt really bad about it. And said that he wouldn't do that again. I told him that he can yell his girlfriends that they look nice or pretty but gorgeous was a little over the top.

 

[Loopy]

No he's a good guy, I was with him for 6 years. The guy that I was stuck on for awhile moved to hawaii. And I don't remember saying that one of my exs liked other girls. It was the comment that the one im with now said to a friend of his on fb. He said that she was gorgeous. And I told him that it hurt to have read that. And he felt really bad about it. And said that he wouldn't do that again. I told him that he can yell his girlfriends that they look nice or pretty but gorgeous was a little over the top.

So this guy you were with for 6 years isn't Hawaii guy who you wanted to go to Hawaii with, even though you made him sound like a right jerk, or drunk phone calls guy, who also sounded like a jerk, or any of the others you've posted about, again, jerks? It's a completely different one that the twin sister is with and he's not a jerk? Ok, makes sense...

Anyway, I'm sure I read a post from you regarding a guy you were with, but he kept on talking about exes and other girls right in front of you to make you feel like crap. Maybe I remember it incorrectly? I'll go back and check the archives. It's just that you've posted about so many crappy situations that they're bleeding into each other and it's getting hard to follow. It's like something from a soap opera. Things like that, you just couldn't make up, even if you tried. But I guess life is like that.

Edit: Okay, so I looked it up, and it looks like that was about drunk calls guy who you only knew for two months then moved away looking for his family doing the talking about other girls, exes and cheating on them. But he's not the guy who moved to Hawaii....at least I don't think he is because you'd have to be pretty desperate and stupid to follow a guy you barely know to an unknown place. Man, that's complicated.

What did happen to moving to Maui with that guy anyway? You posted on here about it and seemed so excited.

Looking back at your older posts, there is a pattern. You find this jerk guy, you think you can help him, he treats you like crap, and then you start talking yourself down and saying what a bad person you are and how good he is, then you say you'll be on your own because you can't take it anymore, but then you're conflicted about cutting jerk guy off, and some other guy drama happens and you start all over again with how hurt you are and how you don't deserve to be with someone.
Heck, it seems even your friends are bad for you. I came across a topic you made in the archives about one of them giving you bunk advice and trying to involve you in some kind of drama. Friends like that don't help.

Something needs to change. You can't keep going on like this because it will wreck you. It's a vicious cycle you've gotten yourself into. Get out of it, learn to be by yourself, it's ok to do that and don't go rushing into a relationship until you're happy with yourself because it seems like, right now, all you have is drama over relationships. It's not healthy. See a councillor or therapist, work up the courage to do that and maybe they can help.

 

[Shin Muramasa]

Something needs to change. You can't keep going on like this because it will wreck you. It's a vicious cycle you've gotten yourself into. Get out of it, learn to be by yourself, it's ok to do that and don't go rushing into a relationship until you're happy with yourself because it seems like, right now, all you have is drama over relationships. It's not healthy. See a councillor or therapist, work up the courage to do that and maybe they can help.

Courage. If you think that's really a difficult word to associate with or choose to live by then try not to think of it as being a person who can face all sorts of tragedies, evils, and fears. Instead, think of it as living without regrets. Not that YOLO crap that people spew, but sort of a "try, try, and try again".

"Who dares, wins" and "who cares who wins" have similar meanings. It's not about "winning" in life. That is, it's not about finding the perfect life since that would be boring as everything would be too stagnate. Making the most of your life is worth more than having a set life, set future, and set goals. All your failures, all your mistakes, all your successes, and all your dares are personal, little victories. They give you wisdom, knowledge, and a constantly changing and evolving life.

There are no wrong choices in life; every choice is a right one. You could choose to let things be or you could choose to do something different. Both are right choices since they would be right to you. You could take advice from us, take advice from friends (new and/or old), or take advice from therapists, counselors, and/or relationship experts. They would all be right choices. It's sort of an abstract idea, but as a person who thinks of parallel universes and stuff, it makes sense. It's weird. At this moment, I could be dead, I could be rich and unhappy, or I could be lost on a little island. All due to different choices in my and everyone's lives. Anyway, I digress.

Speaking of lives, this is your life; this is your story. You choose how to write it and nobody can interfere. So live and don't look back regretting (almost) everything. Personally, I've look back and I regret so many things, but from now on, I will never regret anything no matter how happy, sad, angry, jealous, lost, or indifferent I was. For everything I do now, I do knowing I did something rather than sit, think, and wait.

If you have to leave your friends to find someone special or someone who can help, then do it. Don't look back and if you do, look back smiling that you tried.

We have to start with little steps before we can walk, run, sprint, and maybe even fly. Changes are scary, but do you really like the way things are right now? If you don't, then do something about it. Just one step: a step in a different path.

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it's something, I guess.

 

[Loopy]

Courage. If you think that's really a difficult word to associate with or choose to live by then try not to think of it as being a person who can face all sorts of tragedies, evils, and fears. Instead, think of it as living without regrets. Not that YOLO crap that people spew, but sort of a "try, try, and try again".

Exactly. Be strong and face anything directly and if one gets knocked down in the process, pick oneself up, have a dust down and walk on stronger than before. It's not always easy to do, sometimes it's damned hard, but it has to be done, or else, what is there to do but give in and be miserable and hurt?

There are no wrong choices in life; every choice is a right one. You could choose to let things be or you could choose to do something different.

Also, it's important to own your choices. Even if they lead to bad feelings later on, there was something about that choice which made you go for it. So, at the time, it wasn't a bad choice. The important thing is to learn from choices that lead to bad feelings later. Can't just go on repeating the same mistakes over and over because that means a person isn't able to grow out of that cycle and choose to move on to something new, maybe something exciting.

If you have to leave your friends to find someone special or someone who can help, then do it. Don't look back and if you do, look back smiling that you tried.

Yep, if they're crappy friends giving bad advice and making life terrible, then leave them. But, on the other hand, don't isolate yourself completely for the sake of a crush or short term relationship in case him or her turns into a controlling jerk.
That's the other kind of bad situation to avoid, so it's best not to isolate completely from all friends and family. Otherwise, how are they going to help if a relationship gets controlling, or the relationships ends suddenly and you're left with no one to turn to and vent your feelings of loss, grief and betrayal to?
So, on one hand, get rid of bad friends, on the other hand, don't get rid of nice friends just because a crush or partner says so. It could be the next step in having ore control, and that's when things get ugly and even more vulnerable with no on familiar around.

It's a hard line to walk, and I guess people have to make a choice based on what they feel and know at the time. Hindsight would be a great thing, but that's not possible.
So people have to make do, and so long as they learn not to repeat bad choices, then the person is growing. If they're not learning and stuck in a cycle, then I don't know what can be done. Only the person in the bad cycle can be strong enough break it, maybe using the help of friends and family who care.

 

[Laurence Barnes]

I'm a terrible person when it comes to personality... Advice, don't be like me.