Foxtrot94
Elite Hunter
A humor corner. Post here the funniest things you've ever heard, being them in games, movies, shows, comics, stage plays, whatever.
As for me, I'm bound to choose this bit from Anplagghed (distorted Italian pronunciation of "unplugged"), by the comic trio Aldo, Giovanni and Giacomo.
Giacomo, the guy in the blue jacket, is trying to get Aldo (the bald guy) and Giovanni (the grey-haired one) into art, something the two are immensely ignorant about. In doing so, they stumble upon Lucio Fontana's slashed canvas, and oh my god...
I'll provide translation, in case somebody wants to see the video and try to understand it.
Legend - Gia = Giacomo, Gio = Giovanni, A = Aldo
"
Gia: Come here. Get beside this painting, which is considered the museum's masterpiece. Observe it well, then tell me - what do you think about it?
Gio: Eeeeeh that some dimwit ruined it with a cutter! You can tell, dammit, he made three cuts like that, of course, there's no security in here...
A: See, that's why I get upset, they let anyone in, guys fill their pockets with cutters, they do what they want, we do nothing about it...
Gia: May I scream my indignation to the world? May I? HOW MUCH IGNORANCE!
Gio: That's right, how much ignorance does it take to do something like that, come on!
A: I mean, I don't understand, if you're ignorant, stay in your ignorance, in your mediocrity, instead you're envious, jealous, and come here, where there are people who want to evolge...
Gia: Tell me what I'm doing wrong. Tell me what I'm doing wrong! And what I can do!
Gio: But Giacomo, don't say that, you're so good, you know a lot of things, explain them, wish there were more like you!
A: Giacomo, do stupid people exist? They do, right? Yes, unfortunately they do, and they're also very close to us...
Gia: A lot more than one can believe!
A: Yeah that's right, well said. Don't ever underestimate yourself, for you are a gem of this society. It's thanks to you if I know anything...
Gio: Which is nothing, by the way...
A: *ignores Giovanni*
Gia: At least tell me who did it.
Gio: Hehehe, if we knew, you'd see how we'd kick his butt, if we took him while he was doing that! Hey, we once took one who was scratching a car, he (Aldo) grabbed him and I, from behind, BAM! BAM!
A: We kicked his way through three neighborhoods, try asking that guy if he's still gonna scratch any car, no he won't, cause this (gesturing a beating) works! Sometimes... not always, but sometimes it does...
Gia: Lucio Fontana.
Gio: Ah-ha! We do know his name, they got him! Well that's good, at least for once they did...
A: Then justice exists! Ten years (as in, in prison) they must give him! Getting one, to get one hundred. I mean, getting one... getting one hundred. Getting one IN ORDER TO getting one hundred. I mean, I mean, there are these one hundred people who are walking in a pack, you know, among stupid people, they get along and group and walk this way... like a pack, you know? Also annoying to see, by the way. Then there's someone in the middle that can't breathe, needs air, so he gets to the pack's edge and... and pushes away the one who is already there, which gets lost and caught. So, getting one... not to get ninety-nine. *not completely convinced by his own reasoning*
Gio, Gia: *completely astonished*
Gio: I don't think it was that way...
Gia: He was born in 1906.*
Gio: An elder guy! Here we go! Goddammit, keep them watching the road diggings and we're all happy! *imitates an elder watching a digging* They kill their time there and they're happy. But why bringing them here if they don't have the mind for it anymore!
A: I mean, just because you're old, cute, you need attention... no! I mean, if you were stupid as a kid, you're gonna be stupid as an old man too!
Gio: Don't point at me though...
A: I mean, if you're born wrong, you're gonna die wrong!
Gio: Again?! *referring to Aldo pointing at him*
A: If you're born right... doesn't mean you're gonna die right, you could also die wrong, I mean... depending on... but if you're born wrong, you can't die right! And it's not me who says this. It's from a Greek... Lapalissian... a Greek... from Greece, nonetheless... *realizes to being saying a bunch of bullshit and shyly shuts up*
Gia: He was born is Rosario, Argentina.
Gio: A foreigner! Goddammit! We welcome them here, and they don't give a damn about rules! They don't care... do they do THAT (pointing at the slashed canvas) back home? They'd get their hands cut, they would. Instead here, you can do whatever you want, of course! Why? Because nobody obeys to rules anymore.
A: I mean, we've been immigrants ourselves. And when we got to other people's lands, we behaved well differently. We made them offers they couldn't refuse... *realizes mafia and decides that was a bad example and a bad choice of words* *walks away embarassed*
Gia: He died in 1968.
Gio, A: *they start to get confused*
Gia: After gifting out country with masterpieces of priceless beauty, exhibited in the world's most important museums. After inventing Spatialism and the very famous slashed canvas. And you two are two beasts. You above all *pointing at Aldo*, were born wrong and will die a pr!ckhead.
Gio: *talking to Aldo* It's aggravating, you know.
"
These guys' strong point has always been creating comedy through the exaggeration of some concepts of Italian pop culture (so you might miss something, for example the reference to old men watching road diggings) and the exposure of the negative sides of our people (for example, the reference to mafia spreading to the US).
They do that masterfully, and as proof of that, my lungs have never been the same since I first saw that particular part of that stage play (this one was just a bit of that part, which doesn't end there).
* In reality, it was the year he moved to Italy.
As for me, I'm bound to choose this bit from Anplagghed (distorted Italian pronunciation of "unplugged"), by the comic trio Aldo, Giovanni and Giacomo.
Giacomo, the guy in the blue jacket, is trying to get Aldo (the bald guy) and Giovanni (the grey-haired one) into art, something the two are immensely ignorant about. In doing so, they stumble upon Lucio Fontana's slashed canvas, and oh my god...
I'll provide translation, in case somebody wants to see the video and try to understand it.
Legend - Gia = Giacomo, Gio = Giovanni, A = Aldo
"
Gia: Come here. Get beside this painting, which is considered the museum's masterpiece. Observe it well, then tell me - what do you think about it?
Gio: Eeeeeh that some dimwit ruined it with a cutter! You can tell, dammit, he made three cuts like that, of course, there's no security in here...
A: See, that's why I get upset, they let anyone in, guys fill their pockets with cutters, they do what they want, we do nothing about it...
Gia: May I scream my indignation to the world? May I? HOW MUCH IGNORANCE!
Gio: That's right, how much ignorance does it take to do something like that, come on!
A: I mean, I don't understand, if you're ignorant, stay in your ignorance, in your mediocrity, instead you're envious, jealous, and come here, where there are people who want to evolge...
Gia: Tell me what I'm doing wrong. Tell me what I'm doing wrong! And what I can do!
Gio: But Giacomo, don't say that, you're so good, you know a lot of things, explain them, wish there were more like you!
A: Giacomo, do stupid people exist? They do, right? Yes, unfortunately they do, and they're also very close to us...
Gia: A lot more than one can believe!
A: Yeah that's right, well said. Don't ever underestimate yourself, for you are a gem of this society. It's thanks to you if I know anything...
Gio: Which is nothing, by the way...
A: *ignores Giovanni*
Gia: At least tell me who did it.
Gio: Hehehe, if we knew, you'd see how we'd kick his butt, if we took him while he was doing that! Hey, we once took one who was scratching a car, he (Aldo) grabbed him and I, from behind, BAM! BAM!
A: We kicked his way through three neighborhoods, try asking that guy if he's still gonna scratch any car, no he won't, cause this (gesturing a beating) works! Sometimes... not always, but sometimes it does...
Gia: Lucio Fontana.
Gio: Ah-ha! We do know his name, they got him! Well that's good, at least for once they did...
A: Then justice exists! Ten years (as in, in prison) they must give him! Getting one, to get one hundred. I mean, getting one... getting one hundred. Getting one IN ORDER TO getting one hundred. I mean, I mean, there are these one hundred people who are walking in a pack, you know, among stupid people, they get along and group and walk this way... like a pack, you know? Also annoying to see, by the way. Then there's someone in the middle that can't breathe, needs air, so he gets to the pack's edge and... and pushes away the one who is already there, which gets lost and caught. So, getting one... not to get ninety-nine. *not completely convinced by his own reasoning*
Gio, Gia: *completely astonished*
Gio: I don't think it was that way...
Gia: He was born in 1906.*
Gio: An elder guy! Here we go! Goddammit, keep them watching the road diggings and we're all happy! *imitates an elder watching a digging* They kill their time there and they're happy. But why bringing them here if they don't have the mind for it anymore!
A: I mean, just because you're old, cute, you need attention... no! I mean, if you were stupid as a kid, you're gonna be stupid as an old man too!
Gio: Don't point at me though...
A: I mean, if you're born wrong, you're gonna die wrong!
Gio: Again?! *referring to Aldo pointing at him*
A: If you're born right... doesn't mean you're gonna die right, you could also die wrong, I mean... depending on... but if you're born wrong, you can't die right! And it's not me who says this. It's from a Greek... Lapalissian... a Greek... from Greece, nonetheless... *realizes to being saying a bunch of bullshit and shyly shuts up*
Gia: He was born is Rosario, Argentina.
Gio: A foreigner! Goddammit! We welcome them here, and they don't give a damn about rules! They don't care... do they do THAT (pointing at the slashed canvas) back home? They'd get their hands cut, they would. Instead here, you can do whatever you want, of course! Why? Because nobody obeys to rules anymore.
A: I mean, we've been immigrants ourselves. And when we got to other people's lands, we behaved well differently. We made them offers they couldn't refuse... *realizes mafia and decides that was a bad example and a bad choice of words* *walks away embarassed*
Gia: He died in 1968.
Gio, A: *they start to get confused*
Gia: After gifting out country with masterpieces of priceless beauty, exhibited in the world's most important museums. After inventing Spatialism and the very famous slashed canvas. And you two are two beasts. You above all *pointing at Aldo*, were born wrong and will die a pr!ckhead.
Gio: *talking to Aldo* It's aggravating, you know.
"
These guys' strong point has always been creating comedy through the exaggeration of some concepts of Italian pop culture (so you might miss something, for example the reference to old men watching road diggings) and the exposure of the negative sides of our people (for example, the reference to mafia spreading to the US).
They do that masterfully, and as proof of that, my lungs have never been the same since I first saw that particular part of that stage play (this one was just a bit of that part, which doesn't end there).
* In reality, it was the year he moved to Italy.
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