Devil May Cry: Third Heartbeat

[Lerrion]

My turn. Nini - please do continue writing this story of yours, because it got me intrigued. Enjoyable. Rich tongue you got there, filled with descriptions and metaphors, like the "white cancer stick" - the best. I'd even say, your text is better than mine, much better, since I haven't written anything in MONTHS and am a bit rusty. Still, there are two things I did not like. Nothing is perfect, you see.

First, cut the eye rolling... It's annoying. Jenee does this every time Dante pulls out one of his idiotic jokes. Substitute with something else.

Second, Nero came to be a little out of character. By the end of the game he became more open to... people. And I suppose your story takes place AFTER the game, which means Nero should be even more mature, wised up and open to everybody, more friendly. Here you type he has trouble communicating with strangers, especially with demon daughters. Or maybe it's just me... Guess I'd feel the same shyness while being with such a lady. Consider revising Nero's behavior. But it's up to you, Nini.

Overall, I loved your story, otherwise I would drop out reading it after the first paragraph (like I did with S.Myer's novel - yuck). I expect you recreate us with your next chapter!

 

[nini dot exe]

Thank you, Angel. And that is all I will say on this subject.~

My turn. Nini - please do continue writing this story of yours, because it got me intrigued. Enjoyable. Rich tongue you got there, filled with descriptions and metaphors, like the "white cancer stick" - the best. I'd even say, your text is better than mine, much better, since I haven't written anything in MONTHS and am a bit rusty. Still, there are two things I did not like. Nothing is perfect, you see.

First, cut the eye rolling... It's annoying. Jenee does this every time Dante pulls out one of his idiotic jokes. Substitute with something else.

Second, Nero came to be a little out of character. By the end of the game he became more open to... people. And I suppose your story takes place AFTER the game, which means Nero should be even more mature, wised up and open to everybody, more friendly. Here you type he has trouble communicating with strangers, especially with demon daughters. Or maybe it's just me... Guess I'd feel the same shyness while being with such a lady. Consider revising Nero's behavior. But it's up to you, Nini.

Overall, I loved your story, otherwise I would drop out reading it after the first paragraph (like I did with S.Myer's novel - yuck). I expect you recreate us with your next chapter!

Ogawd, I don't know how I could miss that one...maybe because I eye roll every time Dante does that stuff. Okay, yea. Haha. /must fix! I mean...yea, even if she DOES eye roll, I don't need to point it out as much. :/

Do you really think so? :/ Hmm...While what you say is true, I don't think his change would've happened sporadic like you say...but you are right, this is roughly at least 12-13 years after the incident. Probably more...which does leave a lot of room for progress on Nero's part. I hadn't even considered that. O: Nice eye for detail!

Thing is though, I already spoke to a mod about just deleting this thread and my art thread and my account and I'm still considering it. If this is how much trouble I'm gonna get out of this, I don't see it as worth it. If it were over my original work, then it would be more worth my time, but it's just fanfiction.

If you really liked the story, I'm still going to update it on fanfiction.net. You could easily find it there. Copy+paste the title.

Thank you again for the review. I do plan to consider what you said and I'll see what I can do about Nero.~

 

[Angel]

Deleting this would be a real shame, to be honest with you. Along with your account. I think you should post more, if you feel up to it, and current climate being what it is right now I think people will be a little different.

It's up to you, but whatever you decide about this piece of fiction, I hope you do stay here

 

[nini dot exe]

That's really endearing to hear, Angel. After I thought I made everyone hate me. :/ I am willing to give a sincere apology for everything. I just figured I ruined everything, so I'd just...you know, STOP ruining everything.

Maybe, we'll see. O: I do want to hear Lerrion's reply (because he scared the crap out of me before reviewing haha way to go, jerkface), so I'm not gonna jump the gun just yet. Just don't want anymore headaches over dumb stuff. x.x;~

Thank you again. And more apologies on my part. ♥

 

[Angel]

lol - nothing's ruined whatsoever I like reading what people write - I just lack the ability to review/concrit anything. I write like a preschooler :lol:

 

[nini dot exe]

Aw. :] WELL. You're doing pretty well with writing so far! And like I said (or...I think I did, anyway o.o; ) earlier in the thread, writers like to at least hear someone enjoys their writing. It isn't all about the reviews. Just to hear someone likes it is just as good. Really, it's become a main reason why I love writing. I don't just get enjoyment out of writing, I want people to enjoy what they read.

I wish there was one simple sentence to explain what I usually type out in long, unnecessary and detailed paragraphs. :/ Just something wonderful about knowing someone enjoys something you created...or knowing it was interesting enough for someone to form any sort of opinion at all on it. :3

 

[Angel]

Well, I have zero interest in playing DMC but I do enjoy the backstories, the history and what people create from what is fact and turn it into something pretty awesome. Seeing how the characters are developed and then how another comes in with details as to why something may not work/how it could be improved is pretty cool - shows people put thought, effort and love into their writing to make it both true to form and interesting to read.

 

[nini dot exe]

O: How'd you come to be here then? That's mega interesting! Is it because you've already played them to death or did you never have interest?

And yusss.~ I can share those later sentiments. ^^ Opinions are beautiful and useful when utilised the right way.

 

[Angel]

Sheer nepotism :lol: My husband owns this place and asked me to be an admin because I admin on another couple of his boards. I've watched him play the games (all of them) but I'm hopeless at them and just like the background rather than the gameplay itself. It interests me

I'm a terrible gamer, if you can call me that, so I get a lot of my gaming info through watching someone else play :lol:

 

[nini dot exe]

Ooo! That makes sense. O: Though, I specifically like DMC's gameplay, because I find it smooth and easy, while enjoying a good storyline. XD; If I've had a bad day, nothing quite clears things in my mind like slaying a dozen demons.

But I understand. :> What kind of games do you play? I'm partial to survivour horrour myself. Silent Hill, Fatal Frame, Obscure...and the new Alan Wake game. <3 Alan Wake is definitely something you wanna get into if you like the SH genre. ...or just a good game to watch your husband play. ;P Amazing storyline in it.

 

[nini dot exe]

Spoke with a few people, thought it over, saw a troll in the general discussion thread, made my decision. This childishness isn't worth my time. Delete this thread, my art thread and this account. Bai.

 

[DreadnoughtDT]

I think this is all a case of misunderstanding here, although I'm probably too late to say anything.

Too bad for you to leave so soon...

 

[Angel]

Sad face.

I was going to carry on this discussion with you as well

Hope you might change your mind in future and good luck with the writing

 

[Angel]

I'm just going to say at this point that I sincerely hope whoever went over to Nini's online journal and carried on the argument did not come from this site.

It was uncalled for and has now put the staff in a very awkward position. So thanks for that