75 Percent of Women Would Not Date An Unemployed Man

[Loopy]

I don't know if this has been said, but what about the percentage of men that won't date a woman out of work?

These are bad times for economics and industry so everyone faces the prospect of not having a job.
Are these women saying that, if their man had become unemployed because he's been made redundant through no fault of his own, they'd dump him? It's a tad unfair... kick a man when he's down.

Personally, if you love someone enough, you'd take them for who they are (as the marriage vows say 'for richer, for poorer').
And I've also learnt that you shouldn't rely on someone for financial support (especially in a relationship). I can't explain why (it's too complicated), but I have experience with that sort of 'predicament' (Not first hand, but I see it everyday).

From what I've seen, the only men who are willing support women without a job are the 50 something year old dinosaur business men my dad calls friends. They live in the 1950's and think it's some kind of power dynamic where the women should be expected to look after a man, the house and children and hate their women working because it makes them feel useless. Bunch of sad and pathetic old men living in the past.

The guys I know who are my age want a woman to work, but said that if their wife/ long time partner was made unemployed, they'd stick with her as long as she was trying to find work again. Most guys I know my age don't want a woman to stay home while they do all the work. It's also because they see their women as being able to achieve more than just staying at home; they want their women to have a social life, financial dependence and intellectual stimulation. Some even want their wives to be their business partners.
It creates a more equal partnership that way instead of one person keeping the other. Just makes me think of house pets. Plus, one partner will always have power over the other because they make the money.

I really do agree if you love someone, you should stick by them. But all too often, I see men ditching their wives for younger women and women ditching their men for richer ones, or another woman. Pretty messed up, especially with children involved. The again, these marriages were built on a woman using a man as a meal ticket and a man looking for a submissive house slave with no ambition or self esteem.

As for why so many children are abused by women, my main guess would be that they're not mentally stable women. None of the women in my family have been abusive. And having children does mess with a woman's state of mind. If she has too many, too close together, it could cause some major health problems. If she was mentally unstable in the first place, having kids can make it worse. Pregnancy changes hormone levels and basically any chemical released in the brain. At times like that, even common sense is beyond a woman's thinking. Another reason why I believe in maternal instinct is because, even though I really don't like kids, if I hear a baby crying my main instinct is to calm it down. I hate to admit it, but I do have a strong maternal instinct. Despite that, I don't think I'd make a good mother. The instinct doesn't determine how good a mother a woman will be, anyway.

Some of the abuse cases I've heard of built up as a result of the woman just not being able to cope over many months or years. This case pretty much corroborates what you're saying.
There was this one family who kept having kid after kid because their religion told them to. The doctor even advised the husband to stop having children, but he didn't listen. The wife became totally overwhelmed and started thinking the devil was going to get her children. So she drowned them all in a bath to send them to Jesus quicker.
In the case of that woman, she killed her children out of a twisted sense of love.

I don't know if she was unstable before, but having so many children in such a short amount of time either brought on her psychosis or made an existing problem worse. Either way, the children paid for it.
I wish there was some kind of test to determine which women will get depressed or just go nuts like that. At least then if women can be identified as being more prone, then they can get help prior to pregnancy, during and after. It would save her and the child a lot of problems.
Having said that, some women are totally fine, then as soon as they have a baby, they get seriously depressed and suicidal. I don't know why women do it when that's the end result. I guess they're hoping it won't happen to them or something. It seems to be worse for women who had careers before the baby came along.

I have a friend who was totally fine, no mental illness at all until the baby came along. Now she cries on the phone to me about how she regrets having this baby that she really wanted. Even those baby product adverts trigger her because she wishes she could have a happy quite baby and look like those mothers on TV. I just feel like I've lost my friend. She's a shell of the woman I used to know.

It's weird, I really like children and toddlers, I like looking after them, but if I hear a baby cry, it makes me physically angry and I just want it to shut up. I don't like the sound, it hurts my ears, I don't like how red the baby goes and its face just looks plain ugly. I can see why men and women shake their babies when they cry like that non stop. It would be enough to make anyone snap.
It makes me wonder why babies cry...it's not a very good survival behaviour in this day and age considering the amount of babies who are shaken to death for crying.

 

[EllDawn]

Some of the abuse cases I've heard of built up as a result of the woman just not being able to cope over many months or years. This case pretty much corroborates what you're saying.
There was this one family who kept having kid after kid because their religion told them to. The doctor even advised the husband to stop having children, but he didn't listen. The wife became totally overwhelmed and started thinking the devil was going to get her children. So she drowned them all in a bath to send them to Jesus quicker.
In the case of that woman, she killed her children out of a twisted sense of love.

I don't know if she was unstable before, but having so many children in such a short amount of time either brought on her psychosis or made an existing problem worse. Either way, the children paid for it.
I wish there was some kind of test to determine which women will get depressed or just go nuts like that. At least then if women can be identified as being more prone, then they can get help prior to pregnancy, during and after. It would save her and the child a lot of problems.
Having said that, some women are totally fine, then as soon as they have a baby, they get seriously depressed and suicidal. I don't know why women do it when that's the end result. I guess they're hoping it won't happen to them or something. It seems to be worse for women who had careers before the baby came along.

I have a friend who was totally fine, no mental illness at all until the baby came along. Now she cries on the phone to me about how she regrets having this baby that she really wanted. Even those baby product adverts trigger her because she wishes she could have a happy quite baby and look like those mothers on TV. I just feel like I've lost my friend. She's a shell of the woman I used to know.

It's weird, I really like children and toddlers, I like looking after them, but if I hear a baby cry, it makes me physically angry and I just want it to shut up. I don't like the sound, it hurts my ears, I don't like how red the baby goes and its face just looks plain ugly. I can see why men and women shake their babies when they cry like that non stop. It would be enough to make anyone snap.
It makes me wonder why babies cry...it's not a very good survival behaviour in this day and age considering the amount of babies who are shaken to death for crying.

I learned about her on Deadly Women. She had a history of either depression or schizophrenia. Maybe even both. She'd gone to psychiatrists before and her husband didn't seem to think it would effect her ability to be a mother.

The closest thing to a test you could find is looking into the family history. A lot of mental illnesses are genetic. Just like some mental disabilities. Of course a psychiatrist would probably be helpful in finding out, too. But treatment is also expensive and if anyone stops taking the medications they're given it's an extreme drop from normal to the worst they've felt.

That's actually called post-partem depression. If I remember right it's caused from the extreme changes in a woman from pregnancy and giving birth. It doesn't happen to all women. One of my sisters went through it, the other didn't. With my history I probably would. There's also the fact that the child is completely dependent and the mother probably feels chained down, which makes things worse. If her husband isn't helping with the baby, she wouldn't be able to get time to herself like she probably needs.

I hate those commercials. They're all a lie. It's not until later that a baby shows any affection. Until then it's all basic needs. There are good moments that I'm sure mothers come to appreciate, but it's not all smiles and laughter like they show on TV.

You should suggest to your friend that she go to a doctor. If it is post-partem depression, there's something that can be done about it. If she's not getting any help with the baby, that could be another problem. It's extremely stressful and she shouldn't be left to take care of the baby herself.

I get annoyed with kids. Babies are easier for me to tolerate, but toddlers and older are just irritating. My mom keeps telling me it's different when they're your own, but I'm not all that sure I believe it. And since I do have a history of depression, I'm not willing to find out.

I can understand why a baby cries and how it's supposed to be a survival tool. They have a different cry for each need. And if it does annoy, that's when you need to walk away and not be alone with that child. Native Americans, in the past, basically made sure their babies felt secure by always keeping them with their mothers. They kept their children close while they worked, and it wasn't just one that took care of the kids. They kept the stress down by not being alone and having other things to focus on. People really should learn from them. And, from what I read, some groups actually learned from wolves and how family oriented they are.

 

[Demi-fiend]

They live in the 1950's and think it's some kind of power dynamic where the women should be expected to look after a man, the house and children...

Well yeah, otherwise what would be the point in having a wife first place?

 

[Lionheart]

Yeah, this is a sad reflection of what society's become. My brother thinks that homeless people just didn't do anything - that they chose to live on the street. They chose to eat out of trash cans if they need to. They chose not to shave, they chose not to wear nice clothing. I'm sick of all that nonsense. It's hard times out there, and not everyone has the same skills. Some people aren't even that social, so they lack social contacts (no safety net, nothing). You can tell them to grow food for private use, but chances are that's not going to cut it for paying their bills and being the 'upstanding citizen' society expects them to be. Or maybe you don't have the opportunity to get a patch of land to grow stuff on. It could be that simple. At least, in my country.

Money is important, but when I hear things like this thread's title, I get angry, because not everybody has a nice house and income. Not everybody has the skills to make it easily in life. And there's people who just don't have a job; who decided to go (back) to school for the time being. And now I hear that women wouldn't want to date unemployed people... it's sad. It's like we've all become mindless money-making machines, and everybody wants your money. Everybody wants to share in your wealth, and if they walk right past their soulmate without knowing it, they wouldn't care because 'he doesn't have a lot of money' or thinking 'he must be a bum'. What happened to the time when you could have a crush or romantic interest without thinking about 'the goods' right away? What happened to personality and true love?

 

[V]

Call me old-fashioned but if I love someone I love them not their bank account. I'm not the most practical person on the planet, sure (hell, I'm an artist! We know nothing about money, or not much anyway) and it's probably difficult living with a financially impractical person. But surely the point of getting together in the first place is because you enjoy each others' company. Not just to team up so you can survive financially. Or has it come to that now?

Yeah I think it's always been a bit about securing one's future for some people and marriage was the seal on it. Well... that's never been how I saw love.

It is about wealth these days, though, and I could care less as long as I can eat and have somewhere to sleep that isn't a box. You know how you know? If you have an old relative who is writing their will or even one who passed on... watch the ass-kissing or fights ensue for some of the money they leave behind. It's gross and embarrassing to watch your own family doing it. So it doesn't surprise me in relationships. If I had a high income and made it obvious I'd be somewhat suspicious of whoever was showing romantic interest, and if I was old and people started kissing my ass out of nowhere I'd know who I wasn't leaving anything to

 

[Loopy]

I don't get why people put so much emphasis on having loads of money. It does not make a person happy, trust me. I prefer to share what I have instead of being some miserable git who just buys whatever they want and won't have to work for anything, while constantly worrying if people are truly friends or just want money.
I was raised to work for things, try hard instead of having it given. I live like I don't have anything to fall back on because I've seen people my age just aimlessly spend their money on cars, bags, gadgets and shoes. Most of these people are miserable and bored.

I'm quite happy sharing a place with friends, and I couldn't imagine living on my own. I'd feel lonely. I like simple things, and honestly find world travel to be a hassle. I hate all the packing, and flying makes me feel sick. Most I've done recently is New York and Florida for three weeks, and that was early last year; and that was only because my sister was scared to go alone.
I don't buy much either. I don't drink, don't really like clubbing, don't smoke or anything like that. The most I buy are sweets and candy, lots of books, eating out with friends, clothes in the sale and art supplies. My outgoing expenditure is quite small, and I'm happy being like that.

As for the will thing, I've seen that too. It's pathetic how people suddenly show up and pretend to care when someone is dying and then get angry when they don't get money in the will. I just don't understand people like that. It's like they don't care if a family member is dying.
I love my family because they're my family, not because I get left a trust fund. Honestly, I don't ever want my Nana to die. It was bad enough losing my Grandma; and trust me, trust funds do not help grief and doesn't bring the loved one back. It caused a lot of resentment from certain family members who crawled out of the woodwork suddenly. All I can say is thank goodness I wasn't the sole beneficiary of the estate. I dread to think what kind of arguments and court cases that would have caused. People can be so pathetic sometimes.

 

[V]

The emphasis? Well, money is power and a lot of things are secretly about power, and if you have money you can feel better than others and influential and socially successful - if you care about that? However if you're a slave to money or the love of it, I don't think you're exactly free. You spend life thinking about it - you don't get that time back.

We're all slaves to it to some extent but I'd rather - or do - spend my life finding experiences than buying a lot of things or trying to be 'secure'. Money isn't secure. Economies can collapse, money can devalue... the best thing a person can be is versatile and/or skilled, so they can go anywhere and do things that will always mean they get a wage even in the harshest environments. When people set the bar at money, those are the same people who can't see past it and if they lose their job or have to figure something out due to cashflow crisis they're also the type who consider shooting themselves over it. With a bit more perspective or apathy on money and hardship than that I know I can enjoy money if it comes, but also that so what if it doesn't? I'll make do as I can. Money isn't everything... it's barely anything if you're not much of a materialist like me. It's only a problem when I've got none at all.

Sure, I'd like to have tons of money. I'd go traveling for sure, or just emigrate or buy a boat or something so I could move around and my life would be easy because I already don't need much. But it's not very likely in my profession. And I do what I do because I love that way more than I love money. Someone I know said recently "you don't buy things with money, you buy things with hours of your life." Sure do. So I'd rather slave those hours doing something I love.

There were some great fights and bitching when a relative of mine passed away without leaving a proper will and without having legally divorced his estranged wife. She showed up after, pretending to be all teary but she wanted the money - and she got it. The rest of the family was livid. I think I must have been the only person at the funeral ****ed off that they were all giving daggers to her and talking about her and the money instead of the relative who died. I understand the anger, but... seriously lame.

Money does turn into a thing when you start relying on your partner and they on you do be independent fully. I figure it should be a share basis, though, and it shouldn't be some thing. I remember an ex of mine was way more materialistic than me and always getting into debt to buy things... never again. She left me with a £2,000 debt to pay off for some extravagances which was nice and lesson learned. :facepalm:

 

[Demi-fiend]

I don't get why people put so much emphasis on having loads of money.

It's more than just status, it's basically doing what you can to avoid being miserable later on in life.

It does not make a person happy, trust me. I prefer to share what I have instead of being some miserable git who just buys whatever they want and won't have to work for anything, while constantly worrying if people are truly friends or just want money.

I actually have this secret fantasy where I never have to work (but come on, who hasn't?), but that's only because the things that I want to do aren't "profitable".

If you want to know more, then PM me because what I want to do and how I want to go about it is rather personal to me.

Also, while money doesn't necessarily mean happiness, it does keeps you comfortable. I know what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck, and let me tell you, it's not fun.

I mean, I'm not saying that you don't live the same way, but I hate worrying about money. It really does affect me negatively.

Which is why I do everything I can to forget about it when I'm able.

Most of these people are miserable and bored.

Well... if they bought enough games, I think they'll at least be entertained. I for one have a rather long wish list of what I want, so I can't look down on consumerism all that much, you know.

People can be so pathetic sometimes.

I'll admit it. I can be sometimes (no shame in soul-bearing once in a while), but I also know that I've accomplished just enough to keep me happy with my life.

And even if I didn't, I'd still be glad because I'd just be having fun for the most part. Why break your back in the first place if there's no payoff?

I know, this is really mercenary-type thinking, but after getting screwed over, I'd like to keep my point of view from a less... altruistic opinion. Besides, it's more pragmatic than anything else.

 

[Loopy]

Money is just a trap, used to control people and make them slaves to consumerism. That's just how society is right now; they need people to be this way, to keep wanting to buy things and keep the capitalist economy going. It's just creating a load of miserable people who live their life for buying things they can't really afford, or people trapped by their assets and investments, too scared of losing it all. I read somewhere that my generation is the most depressed and medicated. With a world like this, it's no surprise.

I actually have this secret fantasy where I never have to work (but come on, who hasn't?), but that's only because the things that I want to do aren't "profitable". If you want to know more, then PM me because what I want to do is really personal.

I'd want to just carry on volunteering. That way I'm working, but I'm also helping people. That would be the ideal situation for me.

Also, while money doesn't necessarily mean happiness, it does keeps you comfortable. I know what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck, and let me tell you, it's not fun.

I mean, I'm not saying that you don't live the same way, but I hate worrying about money. It really does affect me negatively.

Which is why I do everything I can to forget about it when I'm able.

I agree, money is a tool to help live a nice life, but it can't get the things that people really need in life: family, true friends, someone who loves you not for the money, and true happiness. I'd take that over money any day.

Well... if they bought enough games, I think they'll at least be entertained. I for one have a rather long wish list of what I want, so I can't look down on consumerism all that much, you know.

For me it's a case of been there done that and got thoroughly bored. I bought things and bought more, and it just made me want more and more because I could. It made my parents quite angry and just made me, like I said before, bored.
Special things aren't special anymore if you just buy them all the time. That's what it's like. It just made me not appreciate things.