There are a great deal of people who'd tell you that there is no such person. That in some way shape or form all people are selfish and self propelled in everything they do. Nothing they do is for the sake of others but their own, even if it doesn't seem like it from the perspective of others. Someone does something nice for you they're doing it to get something in return, no if's or but's about it.
There are people like that out there. Hard to find, but they're out there, once you've experienced your way through all the con-artists and shameless asshats.
Not that I wanted to (I wanted to keep my opinion short and sweet), but I'll add the fine print here:
Mr.Nice Guy is out there. Unfortunately he may have assholish tendencies from time to time.
There is no 'perfect' ideal guy. All men have some asshattery in their genetics, just like all women have some bitchiness in them. That doesn't mean every guy out there likes to flaunt it. You do get the humble lot who genuinely are kind and helpful by nature. I can vouch for this because my son is like that. He's only 5 so the asshat genetics haven't kicked in yet, but he gets those qualities from his daddy.
Whom, by the way, is NOT perfect, no matter how much he tries, and he has his epic moments that has me clawing up the walls. But compared to other guys (and men in my family/past) he's good as gold. You've got to know the difference between a fake and the real deal. You've also got to be real about it - no guy is perfect and all women at some point or another want to strangle the ideal dudes they end up with.
It's reality.
Example: Once upon a time, I had these two great buddies. We had lots in common, there was mutual respect and no expectations, everything was sweet as. I just happened to hang out with the social clique that one of them was part of, and the other wasn't. So naturally we got to see more of each other during social events, whereas my other buddy and I were confined to specific places and times. So the other dude and I meet up at all these extra events that don't always include the other lot from the group (like going to his dance class with him to a - keep him company and b - give him a score on how well he danced [don't ask, seriously, I dunno wtf he was thinking and I told him as much but whatever, friends are there for each other, aye?]) So holiday season rolls around and I'm meant to be meeting him at some spot. He doesn't pitch, doesn't pitch, doesn't pitch. I wait an extra 20 minutes, he doesn't pitch, I go home. He never apologized or gave me an explanation as to why he stood me up, and I don't push the envelope because, y'know, friends don't make ****. A wee while later I bump into one of my long lost girlfriends, invite her over and we're having some serious catchup over coffee when Mister texts me and wants to meet up.
Me: nope, sorry, can't do tonight, gimme another time you're free and we'll meet up.
Him: what you got on tonight?
Me: catching up with a gf
Him: you're all the same! You just don't want me around! You could invite me over but nooo, you're above me apparently and I'm not good enough.
Me: yeah she's a childhood friend and someone you don't know so please don't compare me with the other losers in the group
Him: it's fine, forget I ever asked
Me: sweet, bro, whatever floats your boat
Didn't hear from him again for the rest of the holidays. He ignored me flat when we were back into our usual routine. Like I'm the one who did him wrong. Like I betrayed him in some ungodly manner. You know why? It's all because I said 'hey, I enjoy your company, you're pretty smart' (which he was, although he could beat me in a babbling session easy - some of it was curiosity to know what he knows, a lot of it was indulgence - something that the other girls didn't often showcase to him, if at all) so what happens? He gets an ego, thinks I worship the ground he walks on, and when it turns out that's not the case, he blows up and makes it look like I'm at fault.
Nice one. The awful thing was that he actually was a nice guy. He never hit on me or pushed for more than friendship. But just one text? Just one night, out of the entire two years we knew each other, that I say 'sorry, no can do' and he basically tried to verbally whip me for it. Not worth my friendship, not worth my time, MOVING ON.
Now don't get me wrong. This guy was and probably still is a really nice guy. He's just not the type of nice guy I want to associate with, it turns out. His asshattery kinda blinded him. I wouldn't be surprised if he still thinks badly of me to this day. The funny thing is, he's married the girl I kept encouraging him to make a move on. So WTF happened, exactly? Male genetics happened.
I had this same issue with a few other buddies of mine. I give them friendship, treat them no differently than any of my other friends (male or female), and then one day BAM, why am I suddenly not interested in them? Why do I only want to stay friends? Can't we try be something more? Blah blah blah. All of this whilst they all were very much aware that I had a boyfriend at the time. Apparently the fact that he lived down by the coast and I lived a whooping five hours away from him, was excuse enough for them to totally disregard his existence. Again, male genetics, go figure.
Anyway. The 'nice guys' who want something in return are for the most part pretty transparent. I've known more than a couple (and made it very clear that I was onto them) and I've made the wise choice to give them all the boot out of my circle when they crossed the line. They're not
really nice guys. You can tell the difference. It just depends on how desperate/lonely/naive you are to think otherwise.
