What kind of guy are you looking for?

[Dante's Stalker]

Motivational/inspirational post for the ladies on the forum. (and maybe an eye-opener for a few boys)
Got this post this morning on a facebook page for women that my mum in-law is part of.

Self Worth...

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound,

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself.

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more."

I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally, because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect... In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognise himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
​

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

well, there you have it. most guys are looking for a woman who's content with him sitting on his ass.

though, really, i mostly get turned off by the girls i meet because they feel the need to act dumb. the only thing that's a bigger turnoff are the girls who are extremely headstrong, talk a lot, and will never ever concede a point. if a conversation feels like fighting a war then i'm gone...but also if i feel like the road outside would be more intelligent.

 

[V]

^ You'd be surprised how hostile the world is to an educated woman who is as bull-headed with her points as her male counterparts. But that's a chat for another day.

I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

So true. Two now I've tried to help. And you know what? They only pick up their game after you've given up and gone because it's only then they realized nobody's gonna do it for them.

I'll say one thing - I should be alone, not looking for anybody. I just don't have the urge anymore to bash my head against a wall, or teach someone how to live. It is such hard work and when it doesn't work out, you get the blame for even trying. Although it's as much my own fault for feeling sorry for f*cked-up men.

 

[Meg]

I need someone whom I can respect... In order to be submissive, I must respect him.​

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.​

​

​

*grinds feminist teeth into powder*

Well besides THAT I agree with what this lady is saying. I also like how the guy just said that was asking a lot. XD Fail.

Let's see....for me I want a guy that's nice, funny, and smart, who can take care of himself as well as be there for me and the rest of the family. He must believe in God. He's got to have a good job, doesn't need to be anything glamorous so long as he's happy with it and himself. Hm...oh and if he likes The Who that's an added bonus.

 

[V]

Both should submit to each other. I don't agree with women being thought of as an accessory for men, either.

 

[aka958]

Both should submit to each other. I don't agree with women being thought of as an accessory for men, either.

This. o.o

Many thinks of women as someone who should have a specific part of a relation and men as well.
I feel so alien when reading the first post here, because I see the bond in a relation as something equal. Were the two in a relation are on the same wavelength and together pursue a goal. I can't find it in the post. It's just not there.
Maybe I just don't know much about the woman wanting these things.

All I want with a woman is to get along with her and her to love me as I love her. If one of them are down then both can help that one person to get up on his/her feet. Like partners.

But I'm pretty sure I'm scrabbling up fairytales right now since I'm no one experienced in this at all. -.-

 

[Angel]

@Aka - I think you'll find it will vary from person to person, so you're not "scrabbling up fairytales" at all. My sister, for example, would rather boil her own head and eat it than even read half the stuff in the original post, let alone agree to it and she's married. Whereas I agree with pretty much everything written there - it's just different people and different expectations of how a relationship should work. The things my sister would go ape over with her husband are things I just don't get worked up about with mine - but I'm not as headstrong or independent as she is. Plus submitting to Steve's decisions works in my favour because if he makes a mistake, it's all on him...and I get to say "I told you so" which is always immensely satisfying...

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

^ You'd be surprised how hostile the world is to an educated woman who is as bull-headed with her points as her male counterparts. But that's a chat for another day.

not at all, you just described my mom. her solution was to stop trying to dress with sexual appeal and then people stopped looking at her like a waste of a female body. she ended up choosing success over just about everything though, so it wasn't really a loss for her.

 

[V]

Same with mine. Although mine is so aggressive she terrifies everyone and fights with whoever's left. It pays to be aggressive if you have ambition, as nobody's gonna make it easy for you.

As for me, I inherited that part too... I just control it better than she does.

The unfortunate side effect is that the only men you can ever coexist with in a relationship in that sense are the ones that must concede to your dominance. Which means they're quite often so passive, it's difficult to get them thinking on your level. It's a paradox because they won't or can't - because you'll always take control. It's just the way it's gotta be if you're a dominant person - both can't dominate at the same time or there's trouble.

I try to be fair, but I do like to take point in everything. Mainly because I'm confident I can handle it, and everyone seems happy to let me handle it.

 

[Vergil'sBitch]

What kind of guy would i look for?

Well one that won't beat me (1st wife) and emotionally abuse me (my mum) is a good start.
Kind, generous, someone who doesn't moan, cheat on me and who isn't a general pain in the arse or control freak...
Basically, someone who is not like my dad.

Sorry... I'd spoiler that if it were possible.

 

[Dante's Stalker]

I've always said that any guy will do, as long as he's nothing like my dad.
11 years on and I'm still learning new things about my partner that I didn't know before.
And some days, he's too much like my dad. He'd do something or say something and I'd go 'gosh, you know that's something my dad would do, hey?'
He hates it though, he doesn't like my dad at all so comparing him to my dad must suck. So that's a big plus point in my brownie-points book (Yep, I keep score, a woman's gotta do that sometimes)

Anyway, I do feel partial to the OP too. Being with someone who is the polar opposite of you brings way more conflict more often than in a relationship where both partners are on the same wavelength. My reality: the number of times we've been on the same wavelength I can count on my two hands. That's saying something.
He says tomato, I say tomatoe. If I'm making tea, I make him coffee, and vice versa, because we're just NEVER in synch. He wants one thing, it's a gaurantee that I'll prefer the other. Night/day. It's an exhausting relationship to be in, and we have to put in double the effort to help it work. I can't say for sure that our differences compliment each other, because it causes more arguments than anything.

But would I change it?
NEVER.
I like keeping the fire stoked. I recon I'd get bored real quick with someone who is willingly submissive to me.
It's more fun to beat my headstrong hubby into submission anyway. Keeps the spark alive, y'know?

 

[Angel]

I suppose I've been fortunate - I've married probably the only person who could A) put up with me and B) complement me perfectly. He keeps me grounded, makes excellent decisions, is fantastic with money and has no vices aside from his love of all things PC related and his job. He drops everything for his family and always puts us first - can't really ask for anything more, if I'm honest.

Of course, he drives me absolutely barking sometimes because he's so reasonable and patient and sensible but if that's the price I have to pay for the life we have then I guess I can handle that

 

[V]

If I was going to be completely honest, I think I'd want someone who is strong, who I can rely on and who takes over sometimes for me, and someone I trust completely. My whole life I've been dealing with everything alone, and even in my relationships I still feel as though I'm dealing alone.

I think what's happened is that secretly, inside, I have always wanted to feel safe and protected, and never have been. To compensate, I had to grow this hard exterior, which in end became me. Funny how sometimes the thing we need most is what we never get, and if we want someone strong, we end up having to be that person. Even more ironically, I end up being strong for others, being the one they come to, or expect to protect them.

I've got a hard shell, but it really came from being too sensitive to emotional pain. I'm not sure anyone's ever going to be able to get through it now. I've spent too long growing it.