The Matrix (Spoof)

[LordOfDarkness]

*Trinity is searching through files and is apprehended by police officers*

Police Officer 1: Turn around with your hands behind your head.

Police Officer 2: Don’t try any funny stuff.

Police Officer 3: *Wearing a clown suit* Yeah no clowning around *Honks red nose*

Police Officer: Did you really have to take that note seriously?

Police Officer 1: What note?

Police Officer 2: The ‘dress up like a clown day’ note we left lying around, that was an April Fools.

Police Officer 3: I think it’s a bit of harmless fun.

Police Officer 1: *Turns around* Um, guys…

Police Officer 2: You look ridiculous.

Police Officer 3: You look ridiculous.

Police Officer 2: Yeah, well… Go **** yourself.

Police Officer 1: GUYS!…*They turn their heads* She’s gone.

Police Officer 3: But how?

Police Officer 2: *Spots open door* She walked out the ****ing door. Damn it, this is all your fault for dressing like a ****ing clown.

Police Officer 3: Damn, I’m sorry.

Police Officer 2: Last time I make a funny note. Jesus, we’re all gonna get fired now. Well **** it, there’s no point in living now.

*On the ground below, Agent Smith and two other Agents show up*

Sergeant: Agent Smith, why are you here? My men are handling the current situation.

Agent Smith: No Sergeant, your men are already dead.

Sergeant: No there not, that’s my men up there.

Agent Smith: What are they doing on the rooftop?

*The guys jump off the roof*

Sergeant: Oh my God. Not mass suicide. That’s twice this week.

Agent Smith: Damn, The Matrix will lose too many precious minds.

Sergeant: The what?

Agent Smith: Huh?

Sergeant: You said something.

Agent Smith: No I didn’t. I think you’re going crazy Sergeant, must be hearing things.

Sergeant: You said The Matrix, or something. What is that?

Agent Smith: Follow me Sergeant, I have something to show you *Smith leads him down an alley*

Sergeant: Nice gun Agent Smith, but why are you showing me that?

Agent Smith: Crap, my flies *Does up zip* I’m sorry Sergeant, but it’s time for your deletion.

Sergeant: What are you doing Smith?…

*Smith shoots him dead*

Agent Brown: Agent Smith, let's continue inside the building.

Agent Smith: Excuse me Agent Brown, but I give the orders here.

Agent Brown: I wasn't giving an order, I was just saying. I thought we were all in the same boat here?

Agent Smith: Well guess again.

Agent Jones: Whoa, someone woke up on the wrong side of The Matrix.

Agent Brown: Tell me about it.

Morpheus: Trinity, stay focused. There's a telephone booth two blocks from here. You can make it.

Trinity: You bet your sweet ass I can.

Agent Smith: Brown, Jones, go and find little miss Trinity and deal with her.

Agent Brown and Jones in unison: What are you gonna do?

Agent Smith: I haven't thought that far yet, but wait and see.

Police Officer 5: Hey, she's in that building there.

Agent Brown: *Bursts through the door* Freeze!

Police Officer 6: Hey, that's my line.

Agent Brown: Then how comes I said it?

Agent Jones: For the love of the Architect, she's getting away.

Agent Brown: *Continues to pursue*

*Agent Jones sits back and drinks coffee*

*Agent Brown and Trinity run on rooftops. Trinity leaps across to another building*

*Police Officers follow, falling clumsily*

Police Officer 4: I just haven't got the right shoes on today. **** me, how did she do that?

Police Officer 5: That's impossible.

Police Officer 6: No it isn't, watch this. *Gets a run up and leaps across, ultimately falling to his death*

Police Officer 5: Poor Derrick, he always thought he knew best.

Police Officer 4: Holy smokes, Agent Brown just leapt over also. I'm just gonna wait here and see what happens.

Police Officer 5: Yeah me too.

*Trinity jumps through a window, landing and raising her guns back at the window*

Trinity: Come on...Get up...Get up!

Morpheus: I'm trying to Trinity, but it's just not turning me on right.

Trinity: Not you Morpheus, I meant me. Come on focus Trinity, you can do this. *She stands up, running outside towards the phone booth*

*Agent Jones turns up outside, firing at Trinity. His shots miss*

Agent Jones: What the **** Smith, an ice-cream van?

Agent Smith: *Playing ice-cream van tune, he drives towards Trinity* Bye bye, bitch.

*Trinity jacks out just in time, leaving Smith to drive into the wall*

Agent Jones: How the hell did you get an ice-cream van?

Agent Smith: Don't ask...

*Scene fades out, and camera focuses on Neo's appartment. With Neo lying down, asleep*

PC: Wake up Neo...

PC: The Matrix has you...

Neo: *Looking at computer screen* What the hell?...

PC: Knock knock...

*Door bell rings*

Trinity: I was so sure he was going to knock.

Morpheus: It doesn't matter Trinity.

Neo: *Answers door* Hey, what's up?

Friend: Hey Neo, have you got my cd man?

Neo: Yeah, just wait there. *Rummages through cds. Finds cd, returns to the door* Madonna's greatest hits.

Friend: You're my saviour man.

Neo: Don't get caught listening to that thing.

Friend: Don't worry, I won't... What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Neo: I just saw Jedward on TV... Oh, and my computer was acting strange. *Checks PC*

PC: Follow the White Rabbit...

Friend: Hey Neo, me and the ladies here are going to head out to a club. Do you want to come with?

Neo: I'm not sure man... *Notices green squirrel tattoo on woman* Do you have any other animal tattoos?

Woman 1: Yeah I have a purple duck on my thigh. A blue turtle on my back, a pink kitten on my arm, a white rabbit on the back of my neck. Why?

Neo: I was just...Curious.

Woman 2: Come with us, you're kind of cute *Flutters eyelashes*

Woman 1: Yeah and very creepy.

Neo: I'm sorry, I was just curious. Okay, I'll go with you guys.

*They travel to the Club and begin to party. Neo separates and finds himself dancing with a strange woman*

Trinity: I know why you're here, Neo.

Neo: How do you know that name?

Trinity: I know many things. I know why night after night you sit at your computer.

Neo: Christ, you've been watching me masturbate?

Trinity: I was referring to hacking Neo.

Neo: Right, well it's not my fault I can't find a decent partner.

Trinity: Why? You're a good looking guy *Smiles*

Morpheus: *Through an earpiece* Damn it Trinity, cut to the chase.

Trinity: Anyway. All your life you've been searching for the answer to the question. It's the question that drives you. It's the question that brought you here. Do you know the question?

Neo: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Trinity: No think harder Neo. A different question.

Neo: Are you wearing any underwear?

Trinity: That's a perverted question Neo, and not the question I'm looking for. And no. Maybe you're not who we're looking for after all. *Goes to walk away*

Neo: Wait! What is The Matrix?

Trinity: I can show you Neo, but first you must trust me. Do you trust me?

Neo: I guess so.

Trinity: It's important Neo, do you trust me?

Neo: Yes.

Trinity: Okay. Go home and get some sleep, we'll contact you when we need you.

*Neo wakes up in his bed and looks around*

Neo: Maybe it was just a dream?

Trinity: *Wakes up next to Neo* Best sex I've had in ages. Morpheus was getting so dull.

Neo: Christ, we had sex?

Trinity: Of course Neo.

Neo: Damn woman, you work fast. Can you please leave? I have work in the morning.

Trinity: Fine. I'll see you around.

Morpheus: *Through earpiece* How could you Trinity? How could you?​

 

[Vergil'sBitch]

Trinity: I know many things. I know why night after night you sit at your computer.

Neo: Christ, you've been watching me masturbate?

MAJOR LOL :lol:
Great work LoD.

 

[Devil Hunter 95]

Best Spoof Ever! :lol:

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Thanks for the comments guys and girls ^_^

I just wanted to point out that I edited the first post I made. Forgot a scene. My bad >_<

More soon ^_^

 

[Richtofen]

Hehe, that's awesome LoD! *hugs* I love it! *gives you a big cookie!*

 

[LordOfDarkness]

*Neo gets up and gets changed into his work clothes*

Neo: *Examining his watch* ****ety **** ****, I'm late...

*Neo catches the bus to work, arriving late*

Receptionist: Hey Tom, Mr.Bridge wants to see you in his office.

Neo: My name is Neo.

Receptionist: Well what happened to Tom? And you look an awful lot like him. The similarities are crazy.

Neo: Just shut up and drink your coffee. *Neo heads upstairs to Mr.Bridge's office*

Mr Bridge: Mr.Anderson, please come in and take a seat.

Neo: *Enters the room, noticing a red and blue chair before him*

Mr Bridge: Mr.Anderson. Pick a seat colour.

Neo: Well it's just a seat, it doesn't really matter what I...*Gets interrupted*

Mr Bridge: Pick a colour, Mr.Anderson. You're already late, don't test my patience further.

Neo: I'll pick the red seat. Red is my favourite colour.

Mr Bridge: Good colour choice. Plus this is also an underlining point in the movie, although not actually in the movie since this is a spoof. Anyway, onto the fact of you being late.

Neo: Yeah, I'm sorry.

Mr Bridge: Sorry isn't always good enough, Neo.

Neo: What did you just call me?

Mr Bridge: That's right Mr.Anderson. Look beyond my dull cow eyes and see your enemy.

Neo: Justin Bieber?

Mr Bridge: It will all become clear to you very soon. Anyhow, I don't want you to be late any more. Be on time, or you're fired. You're no different to anyone else, Mr.Anderson. And our employees at MetaCortax, where we deal with tax, are no exception to authority. Now go to your cubicle.

Neo: But I've already been to the toilet.

Mr Bridge: Your work cubicle, Mr.Anderson.

Neo: Ah... *Goes to his desk*

Random Employee: Hey Tom, this package is here for you.

Neo: *Opens it up, and finds a cellphone* What is it?

Random Employee: It's a cellphone. You make calls to other phones. It's very handy. I have one myself, maybe I could get your number.

Neo: No thanks.

Random Employee: Right. I just travelled all the way up ten flights of stairs to hand you this, and you're outright rude to me.

Neo: I don't think I was being rude. I just don't want to give out any of my personal information.

Random Employee: Fair enough. Here's your phone. Have a nice day, you dick.

Neo: Thanks. *Cellphone begins to ring* What the? *Answers phone to hear Morpheus's voice*

Morpheus: Hello Neo.

Neo: Morpheus, is that you?

Morpheus: Yes, it is I. Now listen to me Neo, and listen carefully, you haven't got much time.

Neo: Morpheus, there's so much we haven't talked about yet. How are things at work?

Morpheus: Things are fine, thank you. Had a tough battle with a few Sentinels last week. But anyway, we must focus, there is little time.

Neo: Morpheus, what's your favourite colour M&M?

Morpheus: Neo, pay attention. Time is of the essence, you need to act now.

Neo: What fish would you be if you could be a fish?

Morpheus: SHUT THE **** UP, DAMN IT! Listen to me. Agents are entering the building as we speak, and they are after you Neo. They want to do things to you. Unspeakable things.

Neo: I'm not liking the sound of this. What do they have planned?

Morpheus: They're going to examine you. It is vital they don't get to you. Also I heard they test your tolerance level, by seeing how long it takes you to feel certain human emotions to particular things they do.

Neo: Like what?

Morpheus: Like smoking in front of you. Constantly poking your forehead. And shooting a puppy.

Neo: That's awful. I hate smoking.

Morpheus: I know, me too. So you have to hurry.

Neo: Okay, what do I do?

Morpheus: Stand up, but on one foot. And balance a peanut on the end of your nose. When I shout **** a doodle do, you run to the cubicle opposite to you. You wait there for my command, which will be me signalling to a hot chick that I think she is pretty. At this point you run to the end of the hall, and make it into the room on the left. There should be a window that leads outside. Then you must clamber onto the window ledge, shimmying along, until you can make it into another window. From here, follow the stairs down to get out of the building. It's vital that you keep the peanut balancing on your nose the whole time.

Neo: Sounds like a lot of work.

Morpheus: Go.

Neo: *Stands up on one foot, balancing a peanut at the end of his nose*

Morpheus: **** A DOODLE DO!

Neo: *Runs to the opposite cubicle and waits*

Morpheus: Looking good hot stuff.

Neo: *Moves to the end of the hall, entering the room on the left* I did it Morpheus.

Morpheus: Have you still got that peanut?

Neo: No I dropped it. What was the point of the peanut anyway?

Morpheus: I'm hungry. And I like nuts.

Neo: *Clambers onto the window ledge* Quite a big drop from this height Morpheus, I don't know if I can do this or not.

Morpheus: *Doesn't respond*

Neo: Morpheus. I'm doubting my chances here. Any helpful advice? Any other way out?

Morpheus: *Still doesn't respond*

Neo: Morpheus you jerk, talk to me.

Morpheus: I'm still mad about the peanut thing...There's also no other way out but this option.

Neo: Well ****ing great! *Wind picks up, nearly blowing Neo off the ledge. Neo drops the cellphone*

Morpheus: *Talking through cellphone as it falls* AHHHHHHHHH, I'M FALLLLLLLLLLLIIIIINNNNNGGGG. Ha Trinity, did you hear my joke?

Trinity: Yes, I'm trying to focus on the situation *Cellphone hits her on the head*

Neo: Damn, I give up. I surrender. *Accepts capture at the hands of the Agents*

Agent Brown: We have apprehended the suspect.

Agent Jones: Ha, you got owned.

Agent Smith: Indeed. This is quite l.o.l. Ahem, Agents focus. Now we must take the suspect for, examination.

Neo: ****...​

 

[Richtofen]

Lmao, great as always LoD. I really like how you make it work together, I wouldn't have been able to do it. XD I can't wait to hear more! *hugs*

 

[LordOfDarkness]

*The Agents take Neo to a secret building only they know of*

Agent Smith: *Clears throat* It seems that you have some sort of problem with authority *Gives Neo a harsh stare* In front of me I have two files, Mr.Anderson. In one of them, you're a twenty five year old employee at a Company known as MetaCortax. You have no partner, and haven't engaged in any recent sexual activity.

Neo: Whoa, don't you think that file is a bit too personal?

Agent Smith: Please don't interrupt. This is exactly what we're talking about with the whole problem of authority. *Other Agents nod their heads in agreement* In this other file I have here, you go by your alias name. Which is Neo. It's also an anagram for Eon, which is the gas Company I'm with.

Agent Brown: Um Smith, it's also an anagram for One. As in, The One.

Agent Smith: The One?

Agent Brown: Yes, The One?

Agent Smith: As in the song? You're The One that I want?

Agent Brown: As in the 'person' that's meant to defeat us and free the humans from the machine's grasp.

Agent Smith: Oh right! Then how comes we let him go after interrogation?

Agent Brown: I have no idea...

Agent Jones: May I intervene? I think it best if we all carried on with the interrogation.

Neo: I'm glad I brought my iPod.

Agent Smith: Where did you get that? This is 1999!

Neo: Morpheus sent it to my house. He told me it was from the future.

Agent Smith: Damn it, I want an iPod. *Takes the iPod away from Neo* Listen very carefully Mr.Anderson. We're giving you a choice. You can either continue this life, where you have no love interest, and will one day get fired and be homeless. Or you can choose to be your alias, Neo. Where you meet an attractive woman aboard a hovercraft, and you end up falling in love. Aw, how sweet *Bangs fists on table* Only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love!

Neo: Or, I give you the middle finger, and I get my damn phone call.

Agent Smith: *Looks at Neo in an angry manner* Right! Jones and Brown, take away his fingers.

Neo: I didn't mean literally give you my fingers!

*The Agents remove Neo's fingers, leaving him in a lot of pain*

Neo: Ahhhhhh, what the hell?

Agent Smith: Hahaha, this is more fun than beating pensioners. Because that's something that I'd do, since I'm pure evil. *Laughs at Neo* How do you plan on making a phone call, if you don't have any fingers?

Agent Jones: That was a little harsh what we just did.

Agent Brown: Yeah, I think we should apologize.

Agent Smith: Shut up. I want to humiliate him further. It's quite a while since I get to see Mr.Anderson again, because he has to go through his training programs. So it's time for us to have a bit more fun. *Agent Smith leaves the room, re-entering with a warm banana pie. Smith places it on the table in front of Neo* In front of you Mr.Anderson, is a warm banana pie my wife Shelia made earlier. Can you smell the banana goodness? I imagine right now, you'd like a piece of that mouth watering banana pie? Oh but wait, you haven't got any fingers to hold it with. I expect you'll just have to use your mouth to eat the pie, with no help from your hands. What a terrible shame, because eating it that way would make you look more of an idiot than you already are.

Neo: *Sitting back calm and relaxed* I actually don't like bananas.

Agent Smith: AGENT BROWN! Why did you write in Mr.Anderson's personal files that he likes bananas?

Agent Brown: I meant strawberries Agent Smith, I'm sorry.

Agent Smith: Do you have any idea how ridiculous I look right now? *Slaps his forehead* Anyway, my next job was going to be sealing your mouth shut so you couldn't eat any. But that joke is out the window. Just shove the damn bug in him, and we'll get on with it.

Neo: Bug?

*Agent Brown and Agent Jones hold Neo against the wall, as Neo squirms and tries to resists*

Agent Smith: *Moves closer with a metallic bug in his hand* Oh, one last thing Mr.Anderson. This isn't going in through your stomach.

*The scene fades out to Neo lying asleep in his bed back at his apartment. He wakes from his 'dream*

Neo: Christ, was that a dream? It felt so real... *His phone goes off* Hello?

Trinity: How is your cellphone still working?

Neo: I don't know. What happened to me Trinity? I just had a dream, but it felt so real.

Trinity: Meet me outside in five minutes.

*Neo gets dressed and leaves his place*

Neo: You didn't mention it was raining.

Trinity: There was no time to.

Neo:: You had five minutes to tell me.

Trinity: Neo, get in the car. Apoc, drive.

Neo: **** Trinity, I haven't even put my seatbelt on yet!

Trinity: Relax, we're only going at 5mph.

Neo: Still, accidents can happen. What's this all about? What's going on?

Trinity: You've been bugged Neo! The Agents got to you, and they bugged you.

Neo: Yeah they did. Agent Smith bugged the hell out of me.

Trinity: No, I mean they bugged you. Let me show you what I mean *Trinity pulls out a tiny laptop screen with an inside scan of Neo's stomach. A metallic bug is crawling around inside*

Neo: ****, that thing's real?

Trinity: Yes. Switch, get the Debugger.

Neo: What is that thing?

Switch: Lift up your shirt!

Trinity: Get your own man, Switch!

Switch: So I can Debug him, you idiots.

Neo: *Lifts up his shirt*

Switch: I've seen better.

Neo: What's wrong with my belly button?

Trinity: Can we just get on with it?

Apoc: Who wants McDonald's?

Neo: ME ME ME!

Switch: Stop wriggling around Neo, I can't put it in you.

Apoc: That's what I said to Switch.

Switch: Shut it Apoc. There, gotcha *Shoves the Debugger in and sucks out the bug*

Neo: Ewwww, that is disgusting! That's the worst thing I've had inside me.

Switch: That's what I said to Apoc.

Trinity: Oh Apoc, you got burnt. *All three of them laugh in the back of Apoc's car*

Apoc: *Ignores them laughing* Here we are everyone. Morpheus Tower.

Neo: What are we doing here?

Trinity: Seriously Neo? You can't be that stupid. You're here to personally meet Morpheus.

Neo: Oh wow. This is so exciting. I have so many things to ask him.

Trinity: Well just to get that out the way, his favourite colour M&M is red. And if he could be a fish, he'd be a salmon.

Neo: Awesome!​

 

[Richtofen]

Hahaha, that's awesome! I love the lines with Apoc and Switch.

 

[Dante_Slayer]

Just finished reading that. That was funny :lol:

Please write more of it

 

[LordOfDarkness]

​

​

*The doors to Morpheus Tower open up, and Neo, Trinity, Apoc and Switch go inside and up the stairs to the room Morpheus is occupying*​

​

Trinity: Let me give you one piece of advice. Be honest. He knows more than you could imagine.​

​

Neo: Are you assuming that I lie about things?​

​

Trinity: No. I was just giving you a piece of advice.​

​

Neo: Well it seemed like a rather misjudged assumption to me. Please, keep that advice to yourself.​

​

Trinity: I was just being friendly...​

​

Neo: Ha, got you. You thought I was being serious. Thanks, I'll bare it in mind.​

​

*The two enter the room, Morpheus is stood near the curtains. Lightning strikes outside, as Morpheus slowly turns his head around*​

​

Neo: So, you are Morpheus?​

​

Morpheus: Well, I'm not the Oracle *Morpheus laughs, Trinity laughs also*​

​

Neo: I don't get it.​

​

Morpheus: Come Neo, sit. *Neo sits down to this* I expect right now you feel like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole.​

​

Neo: What's with all of the Alice In Wonderland references?​

​

Morpheus: It was my favourite book as a child.​

​

Neo: I see. Yeah, you could say that.​

​

Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream Neo, that you were so sure was real?​

​

Neo: I had a wet dream once, I was quite convinced that was real.​

​

Morpheus: That's not the same thing. Do you believe in fate, Neo?​

​

Neo: No.​

​

Morpheus: Why?​

​

Neo: Because I don't like the thought that I'm not in control of my life.​

​

Morpheus: I know exactly how you feel. *Slaps Neo around the face*​

​

Neo: Ah, what was that for Morpheus?​

​

Morpheus: That was something you couldn't control. Fate it seems, is not without a sense of irony.​

​

Neo: That wasn't irony, all you did was slap me around the face.​

​

Morpheus: It does not matter. I offer you a choice *Morpheus takes out a blue pill and a red pill, placing one pill in each hand* You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. *Neo reaches for the red pill* Remember, all I offer is the truth.​

​

Neo: I know, you can see me reaching for the red pill. *Neo swallows the red pill*...These are just M&M's.​

​

Morpheus: *Smiling* I know. It was a mere test, you see. Now I can offer you the truth, and we both got to enjoy chocolatey goodness.​

​

Neo: Ah, I see. Well that was a little pointless I felt, you could of just asked me if I wanted to believe.​

​

Morpheus: Hey, I like the M&M test. It's fun every time.​

​

Neo: You've done this before? I thought that I was special?​

​

Morpheus: Neo, you are special. You're The One. Those guys before you were nothing, they meant nothing to me.​

​

Neo: Please tell me you mean that. Please promise that they meant nothing.​

​

Morpheus: *Whispers in Neo's ear* They meant nothing, I promise.​

​

Trinity: Anyone else think this is gay?​

​

Morpheus: *Clears throat* Do you want to know about The Matrix? Do you want to know what it is?​

​

Neo: YES, that's why I came here in the first ****ing place.​

​

Morpheus: Okay, relax brother. Unfortunately there is no way to explain it to you. You simply have to see it for yourself.​

​

Neo: Okay, take me there then.​

​

Morpheus: Oh no. First you have to do some weird thing where you touch the broken mirror to the right of you, and some metallic looking silvery liquid stuff will slide slowly down the back of your throat.​

​

Neo: Or we could just do it another way? *Notices Morpheus's blank facial expression* Fine, mirror way it is then *Neo places his right hand on the mirror, and the liquid slides down his mouth like Morpheus described*​

​

*Neo finds himself waking up inside a metal pod, with liquid surrounding him and wires all over his person. A field of pods, sky high, stand before his vision. His eyes adjusting to sight for the first time. A machine flies down*​

​

Sentinel: Hey, what are you doing? You're not allowed to unplug *Grabs Neo by the neck, slowly choking him* Ah, I guess it's no fun when they're aware of it. I'm just going to go and watch some robot porn *Lets go of Neo*​

​

Neo: Finally, I can breathe *Neo falls backwards and slides down a tube, landing in a stream of water* ****ing hell, it's freezing down here. What sort of weird place is this?​

​

*A crane arrives, lifting Neo up and through a bright open hatch below the hovercraft*​

​

Morpheus: Welcome, to the real World. Get some rest, you'll need it.​

​

Neo: For what?​

​

Morpheus: Your training.​

​

Neo: Aw man, nobody mentioned anything about training. Except Agent Smith, he mentioned something about it. I wonder what he's up to during all of this?​

​

*Scene fades to Agent Smith with his wife Shelia, looking through wallpaper colours*​

​

Shelia: What colour wallpaper do you think suits the living room?​

​

Agent Smith: I swear Shelia, if I wasn't programmed to dodge bullets, I'd shoot myself.​

​

Shelia: You know a point blank shot will still kill you.​

​

Agent Smith: I know Shelia, but I'd just come back through someone else still plugged into The Matrix. Don't you know anything?​

​

Shelia: I know we're going with soft lavender with a hint of blueberry as our colour.​

​

Agent Smith: This is repulsive.​

​

*The scene returns to the hovercraft, where Neo heads to bed to get rest for his training*​

 

[Richtofen]

Haha. :lol: You have a nice, twisted sense of humour. *thumbs up*

 

[LordOfDarkness]

*Neo wakes up from his bed. Morpheus enters with a bowl full of cereal*

Morpheus: Here Neo, I've brought you a bowl of Matrix O's. They're nutritionally healthy and good for you. Eat up. You have lots of training to do today.

Neo: What does my training include?

Morpheus: Hundred metre sprint, long jump, egg and spoon race, weight lifting and a martial arts fight with me.

Neo: I see.

Morpheus: Eat Neo.

Trinity: *Appears at the door* How is my champ today?

Neo: Are you talking to me?

Morpheus: Please Neo, don't flatter yourself just yet.

Trinity: Nobody has beaten Morpheus in combat over all these years. It'll be fun to see you fight him.

Morpheus: You're going to get your ass handed to you on a plate, little man. Not even all the Matrix O's in the World are going to save you from the pain I'm going to be bringing you. See you in the ring at 11:30.

Neo: What's up with him?

Trinity: Ah, that's his trash talking he does. Don't listen to him. Anyway, Tank has some fighting styles you'll need to upload. Go and see him.

Neo: Okay *Goes to find Tank*

Tank: Hey Neo, what's up? Ready for your exercises?

Neo: Hey Tank. Yeah, I guess so. What have you got for me?

Tank: I've got all the wrestling and boxing video games ever made. There's at least a weeks game play right there.

Neo: Holy ****. Do I have the time to play all of those?

Tank: Relax Neo. I can plug you into the machine itself. In all games you have three lives. Try and beat my top score on Pacman.

Neo: Pacman isn't a fighting game.

Tank: *Tank pulls a serious facial expression* Yes it is Neo.

Neo: I'll give it a shot.

Tank: If you can beat that, then I'll believe you're The One. Cypher is the only one who has come close so far, he was a few thousand points off.

Neo: I think the combat training is essential first.

Tank: Yeah, you're right. Don't want to enrage Morpheus further. Last time I saw him, he was breaking walls with his fist. And he has a punching bag with your face on it.

Neo: I'm kind of getting the impression he doesn't like me.

Tank: Of course he likes you. But he wants you to be better than him. He wants you to prove yourself. Just like I do.

Neo: It's just Pacman.

Tank: IT IS NOT JUST PACMAN! *Lifts up a chair and throws it across the room*

*Neo stands still, looking worried. Cypher enters*

Cypher: You're not still challenging potentials to beat you at Pacman are you? Nobody is going to get as close to you as I have.

Neo: This is really unnecessary. Can we please continue?

Cypher: If I were you, I'd play the Pacman game. Unless you want Tank to hate you for life?

Neo: Fine, I'll play the stupid game!

*Tank attempts to punch Neo in the back of the head, but Cypher's hand stops the attack*

Cypher: Tank, plug him in.

*Neo gets plugged into the machine, and plays several hours of Pacman. Morpheus shows up*

Tank: Oh ****...

Morpheus: How is he doing?

Tank: Oh, yeah...He's doing...Great *Tank pulls a fake smile* Several hours straight, he's a pro.

*Neo leaves the machine, just as he beats Tank's score*

Neo: I know...Pacman.

Morpheus: What is this? Is this a joke, Tank?

Tank: No of course not Morpheus, sir. I tried to tell him to train, but he was forceful that he wanted to just play that game.

Neo: That's a lie. By the way, I beat your score.

Tank: That's impossible...Damn it, now I have to be the master of another game.

Neo: No matter what game you play, I'll always be better than you.

Tank: You can't operate one of these machines, or even read any Matrix code, so I'd sit down if I were you.

Morpheus: Gentlemen, relax. Neo, I must take you up on our fight. Your time for training has come to an end.

Neo: But all I know is how to eat fruit in a virtual World, and how to chase jelly monsters.

Morpheus: Use what you know to your advantage.

*Neo pauses for a second*

Neo: How?...​

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Morpheus: Tank, set up the dojo training combat program.

Tank: DTCP setting up.

Morpheus: Okay, Neo take a seat. *Neo sits down, Morpheus does also* Run the program.

Tank: Program is initialising. Program loaded, have fun.

*Neo and Morpheus are plugged in. They enter a visual representation of themselves*

Morpheus: This is the dojo training combat program. Here you will use what you have learned against me. Let us begin *Morpheus charges at Neo, who conveniently places a banana skin on the floor. Morpheus slips a little, but regains posture* What was that?

Neo: A banana skin. I stole it from the Pacman program. Those jelly monsters were angry.

Morpheus: Enough, you are stronger than this. Free yourself. *Morpheus punches Neo in the face, knocking him back slightly*

Neo: I'll make my attacks, through the medium of dance *Starts to dance with a pointy hat on*

Morpheus: Neo, take that damn hat off.

Neo: Sorry...

WILL BE UPDATED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!​

 

[Dante_Slayer]

I thought you were continuing this man? This was a great Spoof.

 

[DeamonslayeR]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT WAS THE BEST ****ING MATRIX SPOOF IVE READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE GODDAMN.if it were a movie id name it "AWESOME MOVIE".and dude i hope u make morpheus more BLACK unkw like an awesome black dude i hope no one finds me rasist and all but like "neo u cant beat a black dude ill bust yo ass up NI**A".but this is still awesome man

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Morpheus: Focus, Neo. You're much faster and stronger than this.​

​

Neo: I don't know where you got that idea from. I couldn't even catch a cold.​

​

Morpheus: Continue *Morpheus unleashes a barrel of kicks and punches directed at Neo's body*​

​

Neo: Ouch dude...Come on, this is ridiculous.​

​

Morpheus: Why do you thinking I'm beating you?​

​

Neo: You're too fast, and too strong.​

​

Morpheus: Do you think me being faster or stronger has anything to do with me winning this battle?​

​

Neo: Probably...*Morpheus slaps his forehead*​

​

Morpheus: Really focus Neo. Use the knowledge that you have just gained.​

​

Neo: I didn't gain any.​

​

 

[DeamonslayeR]

LoD even if its a lil bit.I LOVE U *bromance* i love this spoof

 

[LordOfDarkness]

​

Morpheus: Free your mind, Neo.​

​

Neo: I didn't realise it was trapped.​

​

Morpheus: You have the potential to achieve greater things.​

​

Neo: You really think I can dance?​

​

Morpheus: I'm NOT on about your crappy dancing!​

​

Neo: It's not crappy *Neo looks upset*​

​

Morpheus: Oh okay, you're dancing beautiful. But I was on about fighting.​

​

Neo: Oh right, yeah, fighting...That's totally different to dancing.​

​

*Back with the other characters. Tank runs off to find everyone*​

​

Tank: GUYS! Morpheus is fighting Neo.​

​

*Everyone rushes to watch*​

​

Mouse: Dude, check Neo's reflexes. They're working overtime.​

​

Trish: They're playing dodgeball for some reason.​

​

Morpheus: So Neo. If you can't dodge a dodgeball. Then you can't dodge my fist *Throws dodgeball and it hits Neo in the face. There is no reaction. Morpheus throws another that hits Neo's face again*​

​

Morpheus: NEO! Are you even trying?​

​

Neo: I'm doing my best.​

​

Morpheus: It's a huge ball. Try harder. You can't be The One if you can't learn to fight. I'm going to take you out of this training program and give Tank a ****ing good slap.​

​

Neo: Oh no don't, I like Tank. He's nice.​

​

Morpheus: Seriously! Are you gay Neo?​

​

Neo: No. In fact I quite fancy that Mouse person.​

​

Morpheus: Mouse is a guy.​

​

Neo: Yeah well then I may be bi-sexual then...​

​

Morpheus: Tank, stop the program.​

​

*The program is suddenly stopped*​

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Tank: Now now Morpheus. I know you're probably mad at me. But look here, I drew a squirrel. He's got a silly hat on *Tank starts to laugh and Morpheus slaps him*

Morpheus: Neo, I have an easier idea. I could take you to go see somebody.

Neo: You mean like a shrink?

Morpheus: Well she isn't very tall, but I wouldn't call her a shrink. Her name is The Oracle.

Neo: Doesn't sound like a real name. What's her real name?

Morpheus: It's, well, The Oracle *Morpheus shrugs*

Neo: Okay, yeah. You don't know, do you?

*Morpheus looks out of the ship's window*

Morpheus: We should go to her now. And remember Neo. She knows more than you could possibly imagine.

Neo: Does she know her real name?