Preamble
To let the audience know now, this is actually based off of a joke. The joke had included Kratos, Dante Alighieri, the two Dantes, and Bayonetta all meeting in a bar. This story is mere broadening of that joke to provide some entertainment for fans of various Hack & Slash games. So before we begin, I would like for the reader to entertain us as much as we entertain them and take this story with a light heart and an easily- tickled funny bone.
The Tough Break- Up
Dante Alighieri and Bayonetta were the pair that no one imagined. Really, no one would have wanted it have happened in the first place. The reception of their communion was so bad that Alighieri's famous autobiography, The Divina Comedia, was bashed and burned the moment it was published simply because people didn't like the idea of him leaving behind his beloved Beatrice for some overly- sexual bimbo in a skin- tight hairsuit.
"How dare he leave Beatrice!?" one fan asked all too loudly. "Like, seriously, the bitch died for him. How can he leave her for that whorish witch?"
Well, unknown to the fan, Alighieri was going through a pretty rough phase. You see, he got back with Beatrice only to be crushed right afterwords.
"Beatrice, baby," He says ever- so- softly to his dear wife, holding his wife in a tight love- bound grasp "I'm glad you're back, and I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused. I- "
"Dante, I'm done with you." Beatrice quickly, and coldly, stated.
"Wait... what?" Dante backed a little away from Beatrice, placing his hands on her arms with a look of awkward confusion
"I'm sorry Dante, but Satan was far better than you."
"How!? He kidnapped you and held you captive." His grip grew a little tighter, his look a little more dumb- founded.
"Well... You remember when you saw me raped and murdered?"
"Yes."
"How did I look?"
"Well, aside from your fantastic breasts, you looked-" Dante's face became less tense as he only remembered his wife's deliciously- exposed bosom, basically it was all that he could remember of the scene.
"Peaceful, right?"
"Well, I guess, but-"
"I enjoyed it."
"... What the ****?" Dante quickly backed away from his wife. His face and actions clearly showed disgust.
"I did. Satan came in with these men and took advantage of me." She sat down on the couch, her look, despite the critical nature of their discussion, clearly showed that this was quite light to her. "I tried to fight back, but... as time went on... I began to feel pleasure from it. Soon, I became so enticed that, even today, I grow wet from it."
"Grow wet!?" The moment Dante heard that, his overall impression of Beatrice quickly began to change. The blonde beauty stood and held up her dress. She removed the padding from within her panties and her underwear quickly became soaked. "Wait, I thought that was for your period?"
"Nope, I've been continuously wet from that day. Oh my gosh, Dante, you don't understand how good that felt." Even though she had shown respect while talking, she could only think of how dumb a guy would be for him not to be able to tell when his wife is in constant pleasure. Seriously, she makes a slight moan every five seconds when they're in the car because of the vibrations and movements, yet he doesn't pay a single bit of attention. Not to mention the times that she has told Dante the truth and the amount times he gets mad at her, then forgets.
"I don't care how good that felt! You had sex with Satan and enjoyed it! You're supposed to be a Christian!"
"Well, its not like you have any right to talk! You went ahead and slept with that Muslim bit-"
"And I nearly paid for it with my life and your's! At least, I took responsibility for my mistakes!"
"Oh yeah, only when your wife's soul is in jeopardy!"
It was clear to the two of them. The spark that had ignited when they first met was snuffed out by some game creator's screwed- up reimagining of a centuries- old story. Dante, after experiencing the deep love he had felt for his wife when during that adventure, now felt regret for ever doing so and only wished for Satan to take her back. The same could be said fore Beatrice.
"Leave." Dante coldly commanded, not even looking his former wife in the eyes. Beatrice took the hint and left.
Naturally, as one window closes, another one opens. After several months of some pussy- ass sobbing, Alighieri found another spark of love within the voluptuous Bayonetta. She, in turn, looked at his muscular build and surgically tied- in cross and did nothing but near faint at his presence. They had enjoyed some good times together but, after awhile, the flame began to die quick.
"Dante..." Bayonetta slowly walked in the room with a suitcase carrying her things.
"What's wrong, baby? You're leaving?"
"Yes."
"Why? You're going on a trip?"
"Yes, and I'm never coming back! See you pussy!" Bayonetta quicklys runs out the door. Alighieri gets on his knees and begins to cry like a little girl.
Afterwards, Bayonetta is walking down the street towards her house and sees DMC Dante chillin' on the side of a building. Considering that the two were created by the same dude, its highly unnecessary to explain the reason why the two would start dating. Its highly suggested that you leave it under the premise that Bayonetta's a whore and Dante's a sexy ass mofo. The inexplicable part is how eager these two were for getting laid with each other. After five seconds of looking at each other, there were in a dark corner of an alleyway butt- naked. Bayonetta teleports them (don't ask me how) to her bedroom and accidentally learned a secret about Dante.
"You're a masochist?" Bayonetta asked in shock.
"Well, why else do you think I do devil- hunting for a living?"
"Amazing..."
"I know right! In fact, people don't know that DMC2 was actually before DMC4. I went to hell, got myself spanked by some succubi, then left."
"How did that feel?"
"Felt so good that I came back all muscular and junk. You have seen me in DMC2, haven't you?"
"Yeah, I was amazed at how skinny you were, but you grew this muscle- toned from just being spanked?"
"You have to remember that I was in Hell."
"Oh yeah that's right..." Bayonetta began thinking for a moment. For a long time she has been looking for the perfect man and so far all she's gotten were dominative types (Kratos) and pussies (Alighieri). Now, she finds herself laying it up with a dude with a torture fetish.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Come here, you sexy piece of meat! I'm going to give the f*cking of a lifetime!"
"SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEE!!!"
After that night, Dante had left and promised never to see Bayonetta again. Interestingly, a psychologist had reported that Dante was now permanently scarred and hosts a variety of fears regarding strippers, hookers, hoes, brunettes, skin- tight clothing, and women in general. In fact, he had cut all times with women and started rejecting them completely. After some years, he began to go through an identity crisis. He began to wear blue instead of red, and swept his hair back calling himself "Vergil." Coincidentally, his twin brother now sneezes frequently.
To let the audience know now, this is actually based off of a joke. The joke had included Kratos, Dante Alighieri, the two Dantes, and Bayonetta all meeting in a bar. This story is mere broadening of that joke to provide some entertainment for fans of various Hack & Slash games. So before we begin, I would like for the reader to entertain us as much as we entertain them and take this story with a light heart and an easily- tickled funny bone.
The Tough Break- Up
Dante Alighieri and Bayonetta were the pair that no one imagined. Really, no one would have wanted it have happened in the first place. The reception of their communion was so bad that Alighieri's famous autobiography, The Divina Comedia, was bashed and burned the moment it was published simply because people didn't like the idea of him leaving behind his beloved Beatrice for some overly- sexual bimbo in a skin- tight hairsuit.
"How dare he leave Beatrice!?" one fan asked all too loudly. "Like, seriously, the bitch died for him. How can he leave her for that whorish witch?"
Well, unknown to the fan, Alighieri was going through a pretty rough phase. You see, he got back with Beatrice only to be crushed right afterwords.
"Beatrice, baby," He says ever- so- softly to his dear wife, holding his wife in a tight love- bound grasp "I'm glad you're back, and I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused. I- "
"Dante, I'm done with you." Beatrice quickly, and coldly, stated.
"Wait... what?" Dante backed a little away from Beatrice, placing his hands on her arms with a look of awkward confusion
"I'm sorry Dante, but Satan was far better than you."
"How!? He kidnapped you and held you captive." His grip grew a little tighter, his look a little more dumb- founded.
"Well... You remember when you saw me raped and murdered?"
"Yes."
"How did I look?"
"Well, aside from your fantastic breasts, you looked-" Dante's face became less tense as he only remembered his wife's deliciously- exposed bosom, basically it was all that he could remember of the scene.
"Peaceful, right?"
"Well, I guess, but-"
"I enjoyed it."
"... What the ****?" Dante quickly backed away from his wife. His face and actions clearly showed disgust.
"I did. Satan came in with these men and took advantage of me." She sat down on the couch, her look, despite the critical nature of their discussion, clearly showed that this was quite light to her. "I tried to fight back, but... as time went on... I began to feel pleasure from it. Soon, I became so enticed that, even today, I grow wet from it."
"Grow wet!?" The moment Dante heard that, his overall impression of Beatrice quickly began to change. The blonde beauty stood and held up her dress. She removed the padding from within her panties and her underwear quickly became soaked. "Wait, I thought that was for your period?"
"Nope, I've been continuously wet from that day. Oh my gosh, Dante, you don't understand how good that felt." Even though she had shown respect while talking, she could only think of how dumb a guy would be for him not to be able to tell when his wife is in constant pleasure. Seriously, she makes a slight moan every five seconds when they're in the car because of the vibrations and movements, yet he doesn't pay a single bit of attention. Not to mention the times that she has told Dante the truth and the amount times he gets mad at her, then forgets.
"I don't care how good that felt! You had sex with Satan and enjoyed it! You're supposed to be a Christian!"
"Well, its not like you have any right to talk! You went ahead and slept with that Muslim bit-"
"And I nearly paid for it with my life and your's! At least, I took responsibility for my mistakes!"
"Oh yeah, only when your wife's soul is in jeopardy!"
It was clear to the two of them. The spark that had ignited when they first met was snuffed out by some game creator's screwed- up reimagining of a centuries- old story. Dante, after experiencing the deep love he had felt for his wife when during that adventure, now felt regret for ever doing so and only wished for Satan to take her back. The same could be said fore Beatrice.
"Leave." Dante coldly commanded, not even looking his former wife in the eyes. Beatrice took the hint and left.
Naturally, as one window closes, another one opens. After several months of some pussy- ass sobbing, Alighieri found another spark of love within the voluptuous Bayonetta. She, in turn, looked at his muscular build and surgically tied- in cross and did nothing but near faint at his presence. They had enjoyed some good times together but, after awhile, the flame began to die quick.
"Dante..." Bayonetta slowly walked in the room with a suitcase carrying her things.
"What's wrong, baby? You're leaving?"
"Yes."
"Why? You're going on a trip?"
"Yes, and I'm never coming back! See you pussy!" Bayonetta quicklys runs out the door. Alighieri gets on his knees and begins to cry like a little girl.
Afterwards, Bayonetta is walking down the street towards her house and sees DMC Dante chillin' on the side of a building. Considering that the two were created by the same dude, its highly unnecessary to explain the reason why the two would start dating. Its highly suggested that you leave it under the premise that Bayonetta's a whore and Dante's a sexy ass mofo. The inexplicable part is how eager these two were for getting laid with each other. After five seconds of looking at each other, there were in a dark corner of an alleyway butt- naked. Bayonetta teleports them (don't ask me how) to her bedroom and accidentally learned a secret about Dante.
"You're a masochist?" Bayonetta asked in shock.
"Well, why else do you think I do devil- hunting for a living?"
"Amazing..."
"I know right! In fact, people don't know that DMC2 was actually before DMC4. I went to hell, got myself spanked by some succubi, then left."
"How did that feel?"
"Felt so good that I came back all muscular and junk. You have seen me in DMC2, haven't you?"
"Yeah, I was amazed at how skinny you were, but you grew this muscle- toned from just being spanked?"
"You have to remember that I was in Hell."
"Oh yeah that's right..." Bayonetta began thinking for a moment. For a long time she has been looking for the perfect man and so far all she's gotten were dominative types (Kratos) and pussies (Alighieri). Now, she finds herself laying it up with a dude with a torture fetish.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Come here, you sexy piece of meat! I'm going to give the f*cking of a lifetime!"
"SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEE!!!"
After that night, Dante had left and promised never to see Bayonetta again. Interestingly, a psychologist had reported that Dante was now permanently scarred and hosts a variety of fears regarding strippers, hookers, hoes, brunettes, skin- tight clothing, and women in general. In fact, he had cut all times with women and started rejecting them completely. After some years, he began to go through an identity crisis. He began to wear blue instead of red, and swept his hair back calling himself "Vergil." Coincidentally, his twin brother now sneezes frequently.
