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The birth of a new demon

Nelo Angelo

Dark Knight
Here is my story people I hope you enjoy reading it but I do warn you I have a bad sence of P and G so be careful and also be aware I am a romanceaholic.

Chapter 1
Aaron lay deep in slumber when a knock at the door came "Wake up Aaron you got things to do" the voice said as it walked away. Aaron awoke looking to his hands he had been having lots of dreams about demons but didnt understand what they were about. Aaron did what he normally did opnce he got up made himself some toast and went out side to train. His hands we in a cold sweat the sword slipped about in his hands and soon layed the sword down to take a rest for his own safety. His teacher walked out "Aaron I was watching you train from inside and noticed your not yourself today what up?" he asked very curious to what was up with Aaron. Aaron turned and look at his teacher with a sweaty sigh "Mister King I was well I have been having nightmares and they seem to be getting worse and worse" Aaron said holding his head as it throbbed he then looked at Mister King with a sign of Anxiousness to know if he had a cure to these nightmares "I dont know weather I can help you there Aaron nightmares are nightmares at the end of the day there not true" he said smiling.

Aaron wasnt happy he hated these nightmares as he returned to his room with his sword in hand he lay on his bed wondering why he should continue training what was he training for? he didnt know but as he wondered he heard a huge cry coming from down stairs. Aaron got up not sure what he was about to see he walked down the stairs and there lay Mister King in a pool of blood. Aaron ran over to him very worried about his teacher "What happened to you master who did this to you" Aaron asked very anxious to know who did this to him. Mister King replied "Boy the demons have come back Nelo has come back to finish the job he started 10 years ago" Aaron was shocked by this "Finish what job Master?" Aaron asked but Mister King replied "He has come to kill you Aaron he killed your family and now he wants to finish the job".

Aaron backed off as tears began to erode from his eyes he remembered back to his parents death the were killed mysteriously and he never did find who killed them. He wiped his tears with pure hatred in his eyes Mister King grabbed his hand "Aaron I have something for you take my sword Mister King gave Aaron his sword he held it in his hand. "What is it called master?" Aaron asked knowing he would get a answer from him "It is called nightmarus it will help you with completeing your destiny Aaron". Aaron held the sword he felt a cold chill run down his spine as he held the sword. His heart seemed to beat slower but he was fine "Now take the sword and challenge Nelo and avenge your family" Mister king said as he finally died.

(Any comment so far).
 

Angel

Is not rat, is hamster
Admin
Moderator
I do like this - it's hard to post effectively in this format coz it's a bit rubbishy like that - but I like it and looking forward to reading more. Try spacing out when characters are talking:
Aaron said, "blah blah blah"
Mister King said, "blah blah blah"

Tis good :D
 

The dark knight

Well-known Member
Niiiice!!!!Thats is a preety good story some times you have to add a ... or a , though.Some of the sentences were run on sentences.(sentences that dont end for awhile.
 

Nelo Angelo

Dark Knight
Chapter 2

Aaron walked out of the house with a small glint of anger. He began to walk as all of a sudden demons came from no where crawling closer to him. Aaron looked at them and smiled " You work for Nelo Angelo you caught me in a mood to kill " he said running at the demons with pure rage. Aaron swang the sword about like crazy smashing demon in the head as he went along. When Aaron stopped swinging there were at least ten demons layed to sand waste. He walked forward but the ground began to shake a huge tower came out from the ground he knew what it was but it couldnt be Tenei mi gru. He looked up and couldnt beileve what he was seeing.

He walked in the front door Ice was seen around but nothing insight the door was opened it seemed as he walked on he noticed a lady was getting close to being hurt by a horde of demons. Aaron smiled as he ran at them moving to save her as he slash and killed every last one of them. He smiled to her and then began to walk off.

She got up and ran over to him " hah thanks guy " the lady said with her eyes glowing Aaron remained claim and smiled " The name is Aaron " he said with a small smirk. the Lady smiled " Aaron my savour I oww you my life I am Holly " She said smiling more brightly as she took his hand. Aaron blushed brightly " W..What are you doing " he said smiling as he blushed, She looked into his eyes smiling" I think your cute " she said now blushing lightly herself. Aaron smiled " I dont know what to say but you better come with me " he said smiling as they walked hand in hand up the stairs of destiny.
 

KoRnDawwg

-is writing an album
Nel0 Angel0;20770 said:
Here is my story people I hope you enjoy reading it but I do warn you I have a bad sence of P and G so be careful and also be aware I am a romanceaholic.

Chapter 1
Aaron lay deep in slumber when a knock at the door came "Wake up Aaron you got things to do" the voice said as it walked away. Aaron awoke looking to his hands he had been having lots of dreams about demons but didnt understand what they were about. Aaron did what he normally did opnce he got up made himself some toast and went out side to train. His hands we in a cold sweat the sword slipped about in his hands and soon layed the sword down to take a rest for his own safety. His teacher walked out "Aaron I was watching you train from inside and noticed your not yourself today what up?" he asked very curious to what was up with Aaron. Aaron turned and look at his teacher with a sweaty sigh "Mister King I was well I have been having nightmares and they seem to be getting worse and worse" Aaron said holding his head as it throbbed he then looked at Mister King with a sign of Anxiousness to know if he had a cure to these nightmares "I dont know weather I can help you there Aaron nightmares are nightmares at the end of the day there not true" he said smiling.

Aaron wasnt happy he hated these nightmares as he returned to his room with his sword in hand he lay on his bed wondering why he should continue training what was he training for? he didnt know but as he wondered he heard a huge cry coming from down stairs. Aaron got up not sure what he was about to see he walked down the stairs and there lay Mister King in a pool of blood. Aaron ran over to him very worried about his teacher "What happened to you master who did this to you" Aaron asked very anxious to know who did this to him. Mister King replied "Boy the demons have come back Nelo has come back to finish the job he started 10 years ago" Aaron was shocked by this "Finish what job Master?" Aaron asked but Mister King replied "He has come to kill you Aaron he killed your family and now he wants to finish the job".

Aaron backed off as tears began to erode from his eyes he remembered back to his parents death the were killed mysteriously and he never did find who killed them. He wiped his tears with pure hatred in his eyes Mister King grabbed his hand "Aaron I have something for you take my sword Mister King gave Aaron his sword he held it in his hand. "What is it called master?" Aaron asked knowing he would get a answer from him "It is called nightmarus it will help you with completeing your destiny Aaron". Aaron held the sword he felt a cold chill run down his spine as he held the sword. His heart seemed to beat slower but he was fine "Now take the sword and challenge Nelo and avenge your family" Mister king said as he finally died.

(Any comment so far).

Nel0 Angel0;22863 said:
Chapter 2

Aaron walked out of the house with a small glint of anger. He began to walk as all of a sudden demons came from no where crawling closer to him. Aaron looked at them and smiled " You work for Nelo Angelo you caught me in a mood to kill " he said running at the demons with pure rage. Aaron swang the sword about like crazy smashing demon in the head as he went along. When Aaron stopped swinging there were at least ten demons layed to sand waste. He walked forward but the ground began to shake a huge tower came out from the ground he knew what it was but it couldnt be Tenei mi gru. He looked up and couldnt beileve what he was seeing.

He walked in the front door Ice was seen around but nothing insight the door was opened it seemed as he walked on he noticed a lady was getting close to being hurt by a horde of demons. Aaron smiled as he ran at them moving to save her as he slash and killed every last one of them. He smiled to her and then began to walk off.

She got up and ran over to him " hah thanks guy " the lady said with her eyes glowing Aaron remained claim and smiled " The name is Aaron " he said with a small smirk. the Lady smiled " Aaron my savour I oww you my life I am Holly " She said smiling more brightly as she took his hand. Aaron blushed brightly " W..What are you doing " he said smiling as he blushed, She looked into his eyes smiling" I think your cute " she said now blushing lightly herself. Aaron smiled " I dont know what to say but you better come with me " he said smiling as they walked hand in hand up the stairs of destiny.

Good, good...a few grammatical mistakes but in any case goooooood lol
 
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