So I tried my hand at poetry...

[Meg]

Here's some poems I wrote recently. Let me know what you think.

Safety Whistle

I was asked the other day
"Why do you have a whistle?"
Really?

It's because, Uniformed Citizen
Because I can't leave my dorm at night
With others or God forbide
Myself
Without the fear of who's hiding in a bush
Or in my own group
Hiding that they want to hurt me
Until it's to late

I have a safety whistle
Because 1 in 6 women
have experienced crimes against their bodies
and I'm one of them

It was eight years ago
And I'll be damned if
In 8 years, or 9, or 10 it happens again
But if it does, Heaven forbid,
At least I have a f*cking safety whistle

------

Dear Feminism

I know I took awhile to notice you
Despite you always being there
Like that time that kid told that degrading joke
And everybody laughed
But me
Or that time my dad treated my mom like dirt
For years in subtle ways
Sorry about that

There was also this time in 12th grade English
Everyone and the teacher laughed at you
And called you names
And I did nothing
Whoops

I guess I just didn't understand you yet
I like to think I do now though
And not just because I got a brownie out of it
I get what you're about and you're beautiful
So I promise
That forever
I will stand by you
You have beautiful things to say
And I'll help you say them
Because I love you

 

[Sparda's rejected son]

The poems are good, but their depressing. I understand the point of them but hmm I don't know I'm at a loss for words. Keep writing thou, because writing wise your good at it. But add a sense of joy into your writing not because it's a cliche but because even in the darkest thoughts their is always space for joy. Than again I could be reading to much into the lines... Ether way keep writing Meg.

 

[V's patron]

I think its great but depressing.
I dont get poetry so im probably not the best judge.

 

[Dante's Stalker]

Auw Meg! That's some very deep stuff. Well done. *huggles*

 

[Meg]

The poems are good, but their depressing. I understand the point of them but hmm I don't know I'm at a loss for words. Keep writing thou, because writing wise your good at it. But add a sense of joy into your writing not because it's a cliche but because even in the darkest thoughts their is always space for joy. Than again I could be reading to much into the lines... Ether way keep writing Meg.

I think its great but depressing.

I dont get poetry so im probably not the best judge.

Auw Meg! That's some very deep stuff. Well done. *huggles*

Um....you guys know only the TOP one was supposed to be depressing, right? The bottom one is supposed to be funny. I guess the humor comes out more when I read it, but still....


And SRS I do not believe in adding a sense of joy to everything because somethings (like sexual assault) should not be taken lightly. In order to truly capture the emotions felt in a situation one has to go to a darker place sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that in the slightest.

I don't know why something being depressing should be a bad thing...


Either way, thank you all for commenting.

 

[V's patron]

Its more of dark humor.

 

[Sparda's rejected son]

Um....you guys know only the TOP one was supposed to be depressing, right? The bottom one is supposed to be funny. I guess the humor comes out more when I read it, but still....


And SRS I do not believe in adding a sense of joy to everything because somethings (like sexual assault) should not be taken lightly. In order to truly capture the emotions felt in a situation one has to go to a darker place sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that in the slightest.

I don't know why something being depressing should be a bad thing...


Either way, thank you all for commenting.

Well when I read the first poem like I said I believe I read to much into the lines that I forgot that the poem was about sexual assault and I just paid attention to the dark mood of it. That or I blocked out the sexual assault references due to the uncomfortable nature of said topic. I didn't catch the humor of the second poem it confused me more than anything else. Pay no attention my comments lol.

 

[Angel]

Wrote a short story about sexual abuse once...think I burned it a few months after though.

I can't write for shizzle - especially poetry - so I'm not the most qualified to critique (so I won't) but I liekded them

 

[Meg]

Well when I read the first poem like I said I believe I read to much into the lines that I forgot that the poem was about sexual assault and I just paid attention to the dark mood of it. That or I blocked out the sexual assault references due to the uncomfortable nature of said topic. I didn't catch the humor of the second poem it confused me more than anything else. Pay no attention my comments lol.

It confused you? How?

Its more of dark humor.

It really isn't. Like I said: the humor comes out more when it's read because of how I read it.

 

[Sparda's rejected son]

It confused you? How?



It really isn't. Like I said: the humor comes out more when it's read because of how I read it.

The second poem confused me not the first one. I didn't understand it.

 

[Meg]

The second poem confused me not the first one. I didn't understand it.

That's what I'm asking. How did it confuse you?

 

[Sparda's rejected son]

That's what I'm asking. How did it confuse you?

Oh! Well because I have no idea what the poem is about.

 

[Meg]

Oh! Well because I have no idea what the poem is about.

It's called Dear Feminism. It's a love letter to feminism written in the form of a poem.

 

[Sparda's rejected son]

It's called Dear Feminism. It's a love letter to feminism written in the form of a poem.

That's what that poem was about?! *Reads poem again* Well I'll be damned, so it is. Well that makes a hell of a lot more sense now.

 

[Richtofen]

I may write poetry but when it comes to telling others I'm useless but here it goes!

Meg, I love your poems. The first one is dark and full of emotion, and the second is a bit humourous. ^_^ They were very nice to read, I don't mind darker subjects as I write a lot of that.

I know poems are free verse and can be put together however you like but I'm thinking that with a change in word placement, you poems could flow even better! Even adding some words to reinforce your meaning. *holds hands up in the air* I'm just offering advice! I come in peace! Or in peices...o.o; Keep up the awesome work. =3

 

[Meg]

I may write poetry but when it comes to telling others I'm useless but here it goes!

Meg, I love your poems. The first one is dark and full of emotion, and the second is a bit humourous. ^_^ They were very nice to read, I don't mind darker subjects as I write a lot of that.

I know poems are free verse and can be put together however you like but I'm thinking that with a change in word placement, you poems could flow even better! Even adding some words to reinforce your meaning. *holds hands up in the air* I'm just offering advice! I come in peace! Or in peices...o.o; Keep up the awesome work. =3

Thank you! ^^ I appreciate the feedback. I'll take a look and see what I come up with. Any suggestions?

 

[Richtofen]

Thank you! ^^ I appreciate the feedback. I'll take a look and see what I come up with. Any suggestions?

You're welcome. ^_^ As for suggestions, re-read your poem...does it reinforce the 'point' you are making in your poem? Does it flow well or does it sound choppy? Every poem has a theme, if you look at some of mine you should be able to see them. Space out your words, they can add an effect of a lapse of ____time, (ignore the __, it didn't let me use the space i want so i improvised!) or if you do the space out the letters individually they add a sense of something involving time (such as r e m e m b e r i n g a memory or even a sense of breathlessness). Try to be creative with your words; it doesn't have to be anything fancy but it can put in a lot more into your writing, don't be afraid to experiment!

I hope some of this helps Meg. *cheers*

 

[Meg]

Here's some more for you guys.

To Those Who Know Who They Are

I may not of had a good start
I may not be "gifted"
and I wasn't always smart
But I've got something else
I've got a brain
and I use it too
Unlike you

If
You used your brain
You'd see that I may not be you
But I'm something better
I surround myself with
Valleys in the Rockies
Fields of rye
and orchards in California

What do you surround yourself with?
With emptiness and bitter words
A wave of dismissal
and shallow friends

So no,
I'm may not know as much as you
But I go deeper
Instead of sitting on the surface
I plunge into the depths
I get the iceberg effect

And I deserve what I earn
I was not given a label
in fourth grade
I earned a life in eleventh
and have blossomed even more

So no,
I don't have as many facts
As you
But I know passion
and how to pursue it

So who is the complete person
Me or you?


-------

Dear Ms. Rand,

I may give to others
Do favors and lend a hand
I don't always get
Anything back
But I don't think they are looters

I give to those
Who sacrifice their time and more
For the single goal of
Equality
For all men and all women
So that everyone can pursue their goal

I give to those who would
Put themselves in harms way
To save another
So they may live to change the world

And I give to those that find help
and give hope to those who would do
Themselves harm
and help them see the beauty in themselves

But I don't think they are looters

Most of all
I give to my mother
Who would spend winter
In a freezing house
And only turn the heat on before we got home
To save the money we didn't have

My mother
Who stayed up late making a birthday cake
Shaped like a butterfly
That everyone hated
Because the fondant icing sucked

My mother
who would wake me up
Because she needed help playing Crash Bandicoot

My mother
Who believed in me and supported me
When everyone else wondered
Why I acted like a dude
When my grades were low
And everyone thought I was dumb
But her

I give to her
But I could never give enough

But don't you dare call her a looter
And don't you dare say I'm worse for supporting looters

Don't tell me I could be like you
If only I wasn't so sympathic
And so giving

I do not give to those that don't deserve it
But no one is perfect
And if I only acknowledged people exactly like you
I wouldn't even acknowledge myself

But I'd still fit in your valley
Amongst the innovators and the thinkers
That I thank everyday
Let me read 300 more books and
Write 100 more essays
And I'll prove it

Prove to you my undying love
For the written word
I may write with the goal of helping others
So they may see the greatness in themselves
But I only do that because
I need to write
So why not help others too?

If that's so awful
Then to hell with you
But I don't think it is
I think you'd love me
Like I love you

 

[Meg]

Why I Write

I write
Because I'm in love
With the written word
The beauty of how it looks
On the page
The smooth motion
of the hand
As I create
The letters that turn into
Words
That become
Sentences
And eventually
A story, an essay, article, a song
Or a poem
And my thoughts
My gut
My heart
And my soul

I love writing
Because it is a way
To preserve
The brilliant minds of the past
And reading their works
Keeps them with us

Minds
That help shape us
Influence and
Inspire

I write
Because it fills me up
With a joy
Not found anywhere
Else

 

[DeamonslayeR]

why didnt i see this before meg honestly i love poetry this is some pretty good work than your jolt one i remember why didnt you do poetry like this before its great