Dante's Stalker
"Outrun this!"
Soooooo, here be a brief update.
I received some very discouraging/unbelievable/awful news two weeks ago Thursday concerning someone very very close to me. It hit me like a fire engine going at high speed, and made me short of regret seeking a second opinion on this 'condition', I blame myself for it even though I was assured multiple times that this is not my fault, and I have come to kinda resent my parents. Especially my dad, since he's so in denial and y'know, if my parents had been PARENTS and I was diagnosed with this disorder, I probably never would have had kids of my own, and I wouldn't be in this whole thing with everyone around me emotionally suffering from it.
I mean I told my dad this sad news, he was a total jerk about it, it peeved off my fiance, and it made me totally avoid my mum's weekly phone call that weekend because of it. Because my mum is so easily influenced by my dad, I just didn't want to talk to them. But because I didn't text them that they shouldn't call, I had the police ring my doorbell at 9pm that Saturday night (while we were watching a cult movie where a bunch of policemen were getting slaughtered on the border of Mexico, no less ._.) and these two officers were standing there, looking ready to kick some serious ass (and I think they circled our house before they rang the bell because I saw a shadow and a light shoot past our curtains) and asked if I'm home (you know, like asked 'is so-and-so home?'). On the inside I was 'ooooooooh **** what did I do what did I do?', a habit from my bad teenage years when authorities of every shape and form were constantly dealing with me, but um....you know, if you're innocent you don't freak out in front of two armed police men. Anyway, it turns out my mum phoned the police to come check up on me and told them she hasn't heard from me.
That little drama aside, I'm still not talking to my dad, my mum's phoning me every couple of days out of the blue to see how we're coping. The specialists say there's very impressive progress being made but it still hurts me, and I'm still trying to grasp the concept and adapt to it appropriately.
All that info and I manage to be vague. Whoot me? I just don't want to write it or say it out loud, because it makes it too real for me and I can't deal with it yet.
And then last week Thursday, my mum called me to tell me they've put down my puppy. His kidneys were going and the vet said he would live another week but he would suffer, so they put him down. He was my very first puppy, and I got him 14 years ago. My dad says he was 16, but I remember getting him the same year I discovered my talent for writing - big year, it was. So, my heart is really sore from all this, and I don't know if I'm coping or not. All I know is I have little to no time to myself, and I usually sleep when I do get a few minutes.
Like I've always said, when life sucks, it sucks. Oh, and I'm not writing anymore. The writing bug died when this disorder was confirmed by professionals. Not that I don't have ideas, I do, but the passion isn't there anymore. I find myself thinking of sitting down and writing, but only the idea of doing that sends me running the other way. I think it's an emotional block or something. I had the same thing when my nana died a few years back. It took me over a year before I could write again. I don't know how long it's going to take this time...which kinda sucks because people are expecting me to update stories that I'm no longer writing.
Anyway. So there's the nitty gritty stuff, less the details. I can't really come back to the forum as much I used to because of things going on in my life that demand my time and energy and focus. I just wanted to let it all out. I really didn't think anyone would miss me and since I've been proven well and thoroughly wrong, I felt I owed you guys this much before I 'disappear' again.
So, this might be goodbye for a short while or a long while. I have no idea when I'll be back or how often I'll be posting when I do come back. Everything is pretty much up in the air at the moment (my sanity too).
Until whenever, I :wub: you guys and I hope this place is still alive and you're all still here by the time I come back.
I received some very discouraging/unbelievable/awful news two weeks ago Thursday concerning someone very very close to me. It hit me like a fire engine going at high speed, and made me short of regret seeking a second opinion on this 'condition', I blame myself for it even though I was assured multiple times that this is not my fault, and I have come to kinda resent my parents. Especially my dad, since he's so in denial and y'know, if my parents had been PARENTS and I was diagnosed with this disorder, I probably never would have had kids of my own, and I wouldn't be in this whole thing with everyone around me emotionally suffering from it.
I mean I told my dad this sad news, he was a total jerk about it, it peeved off my fiance, and it made me totally avoid my mum's weekly phone call that weekend because of it. Because my mum is so easily influenced by my dad, I just didn't want to talk to them. But because I didn't text them that they shouldn't call, I had the police ring my doorbell at 9pm that Saturday night (while we were watching a cult movie where a bunch of policemen were getting slaughtered on the border of Mexico, no less ._.) and these two officers were standing there, looking ready to kick some serious ass (and I think they circled our house before they rang the bell because I saw a shadow and a light shoot past our curtains) and asked if I'm home (you know, like asked 'is so-and-so home?'). On the inside I was 'ooooooooh **** what did I do what did I do?', a habit from my bad teenage years when authorities of every shape and form were constantly dealing with me, but um....you know, if you're innocent you don't freak out in front of two armed police men. Anyway, it turns out my mum phoned the police to come check up on me and told them she hasn't heard from me.
That little drama aside, I'm still not talking to my dad, my mum's phoning me every couple of days out of the blue to see how we're coping. The specialists say there's very impressive progress being made but it still hurts me, and I'm still trying to grasp the concept and adapt to it appropriately.
All that info and I manage to be vague. Whoot me? I just don't want to write it or say it out loud, because it makes it too real for me and I can't deal with it yet.
And then last week Thursday, my mum called me to tell me they've put down my puppy. His kidneys were going and the vet said he would live another week but he would suffer, so they put him down. He was my very first puppy, and I got him 14 years ago. My dad says he was 16, but I remember getting him the same year I discovered my talent for writing - big year, it was. So, my heart is really sore from all this, and I don't know if I'm coping or not. All I know is I have little to no time to myself, and I usually sleep when I do get a few minutes.
Like I've always said, when life sucks, it sucks. Oh, and I'm not writing anymore. The writing bug died when this disorder was confirmed by professionals. Not that I don't have ideas, I do, but the passion isn't there anymore. I find myself thinking of sitting down and writing, but only the idea of doing that sends me running the other way. I think it's an emotional block or something. I had the same thing when my nana died a few years back. It took me over a year before I could write again. I don't know how long it's going to take this time...which kinda sucks because people are expecting me to update stories that I'm no longer writing.
Anyway. So there's the nitty gritty stuff, less the details. I can't really come back to the forum as much I used to because of things going on in my life that demand my time and energy and focus. I just wanted to let it all out. I really didn't think anyone would miss me and since I've been proven well and thoroughly wrong, I felt I owed you guys this much before I 'disappear' again.
So, this might be goodbye for a short while or a long while. I have no idea when I'll be back or how often I'll be posting when I do come back. Everything is pretty much up in the air at the moment (my sanity too).
Until whenever, I :wub: you guys and I hope this place is still alive and you're all still here by the time I come back.
