i kinda have a seriousl question..
- Thread starter Qairthra
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SpArAda1127
Rebirth
did this happen to you...........
IloveVergil
Demon a$$-kicker
*hugs Quithra* Korn is right,no mother would do that...besides legally no one is allowed to abandon their children like that.
Angel
Is not rat, is hamster
This isn't something that can be spoken of lightly, so I won't give you any banal comments or pat answers - true, there is a legal aspect that means your mother would be in a lot of trouble should she abandon you and any siblings you have but the law does not prevent things from happening, it just deals with the aftermath...
Having said that, there isn't much info to go on in your post, but if your father left 2 months ago then I am guessing this might be the first time your mother has had to raise a family alone and I am guessing she is struggling. You could be the best kid in the world and it still wouldn't change her feelings about being on her own, trying to keep everything together, trying to figure out where to go from here.
But having said all that, I'll level with you here. Chances are, your mother said what she did to cause your father pain - to make him feel responsible if you and your siblings were abandoned. To make him feel bad for leaving you all in the first place - primarily, for leaving her. It wasn't possible for you to hear what your father was saying on the end of the phone, so you only got half of a conversation - and people will say horrible and desperate things to harm one who has hurt them.
The question you need to think about is, has your mother ever talked about leaving you alone before? Has she ever made any indication that she will abandon you? It's quite likely she may be depressed with what is happening and depressed people have very little perspective of their current situation and everything may seem totally out of control - however trivial it may be.
If you think it might help (and is possible) maybe talk to her about what she said? That probably isn't very feasible, but if you two have a close relationship it could be possible. Or maybe talk to your dad? The most important thing is not to panic because whilst parents say horrible things, it is rare that they will actually go through with what they say unless they are already that kind of person and if that's the case then you would have seen it long before now.
I don't know where you live, but is there any kind of free organisation for kids that you can call up and ask what they think? It would be in the strictest confidence and they are not in the habit of ringing the state to take you away, so you are safe to talk to them.
Just a couple of ideas. Hope it might help.
Having said that, there isn't much info to go on in your post, but if your father left 2 months ago then I am guessing this might be the first time your mother has had to raise a family alone and I am guessing she is struggling. You could be the best kid in the world and it still wouldn't change her feelings about being on her own, trying to keep everything together, trying to figure out where to go from here.
But having said all that, I'll level with you here. Chances are, your mother said what she did to cause your father pain - to make him feel responsible if you and your siblings were abandoned. To make him feel bad for leaving you all in the first place - primarily, for leaving her. It wasn't possible for you to hear what your father was saying on the end of the phone, so you only got half of a conversation - and people will say horrible and desperate things to harm one who has hurt them.
The question you need to think about is, has your mother ever talked about leaving you alone before? Has she ever made any indication that she will abandon you? It's quite likely she may be depressed with what is happening and depressed people have very little perspective of their current situation and everything may seem totally out of control - however trivial it may be.
If you think it might help (and is possible) maybe talk to her about what she said? That probably isn't very feasible, but if you two have a close relationship it could be possible. Or maybe talk to your dad? The most important thing is not to panic because whilst parents say horrible things, it is rare that they will actually go through with what they say unless they are already that kind of person and if that's the case then you would have seen it long before now.
I don't know where you live, but is there any kind of free organisation for kids that you can call up and ask what they think? It would be in the strictest confidence and they are not in the habit of ringing the state to take you away, so you are safe to talk to them.
Just a couple of ideas. Hope it might help.
Tony_Redgrave
TimeLord Detective
Just as Angel said ppl get really strange when they are hurt...
Try to wait without being depressed no matter what. Remember that there is always a scenario you haven't considered yet(you your mother/father or anyone else) which could bring forth new solutions about the matter. Still, being as cool and well as you can will help you no matter the outcome.
We all here support you and wish for the best, since you shared with us...keep up!
Try to wait without being depressed no matter what. Remember that there is always a scenario you haven't considered yet(you your mother/father or anyone else) which could bring forth new solutions about the matter. Still, being as cool and well as you can will help you no matter the outcome.
We all here support you and wish for the best, since you shared with us...keep up!
bluedemon
DARK SLAYER
oh god... dude... thats sad. if your mom doesn't really care. and your dad doesn't pick you up. then its your resposibility to look after your siblings until everything is sorted out.
if it doesn't work out then its time to get involved. the whole family should get in on this. i used to be in one of those situations. but i had nobody except my friends. hopfully it turns out better with you. your parents love you dude... just give them time.
if it doesn't work out then its time to get involved. the whole family should get in on this. i used to be in one of those situations. but i had nobody except my friends. hopfully it turns out better with you. your parents love you dude... just give them time.
Qairthra
I Punt Demons.
awh you guys rock lol I thank you all for taking up the time to say all these things..
as you said,Angel,that my mom wanted to make my dad feel pain...my moms been trying to get back at him for a while and she has told me this.she however told me no reason of it.
Angel,i dont know of any place that has an organization like that but i know of a place i could call that is sort of like that.
anyways,thank you guys for your comforting,it really means alot to me.i feel much better now.
as you said,Angel,that my mom wanted to make my dad feel pain...my moms been trying to get back at him for a while and she has told me this.she however told me no reason of it.
Angel,i dont know of any place that has an organization like that but i know of a place i could call that is sort of like that.
anyways,thank you guys for your comforting,it really means alot to me.i feel much better now.
Angel
Is not rat, is hamster
That's good to hear - and with regards to your mother, well it isn't likely she'll tell you her reasons why she wants him to feel pain but that in effect is a good thing - she is trying to protect you from emotions that you don't need to be feeling. If she really didn't care about you, she'd have ranted and raved and then told you all kinds of potentially damaging things born of her own pain and anger. So there's some reassurance right there - it doesn't answer all your questions, but it does indicate that she isn't trying to hurt you or has any genuine intention of leaving you.
Hell, I used to say the most horrible things to my ex when we split - because I wanted him to feel the kind of pain I was feeling even though I kicked him out. It's reactive behaviour- saying outrageous and hurtful things to try and make the other person react in a way to suit you. A stronger word would be manipulation, I guess.
Hell, I used to say the most horrible things to my ex when we split - because I wanted him to feel the kind of pain I was feeling even though I kicked him out. It's reactive behaviour- saying outrageous and hurtful things to try and make the other person react in a way to suit you. A stronger word would be manipulation, I guess.
Tony_Redgrave
TimeLord Detective
Glad to hear that you're coping well with this
Keep up your spirits^_^
Keep up your spirits^_^
SpArAda1127
Rebirth
i've been through the same situation before(and worse,very worse)but i still rolled with the punches,i ignored it and then before i knew it my mom had found another person....
i was happy about it, she said she wanted to get married but it turned out it wouldn't work out, so they stayed friends, and she still talks to him......sometimes. it's just that, that's the way somethings go,and i'm not trying to sound hard or anything but sometimes if the situation escalates out of hand you mihght have to deal with it or step in and try to keep it from getting worse, if you know how to do that though.......
i was happy about it, she said she wanted to get married but it turned out it wouldn't work out, so they stayed friends, and she still talks to him......sometimes. it's just that, that's the way somethings go,and i'm not trying to sound hard or anything but sometimes if the situation escalates out of hand you mihght have to deal with it or step in and try to keep it from getting worse, if you know how to do that though.......
The dark knight
Well-known Member
That was a long time ago.......but anyway that is DAMN SAD.My parents almost got divorced after christmas.....but nope.
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