Eris Strife
The Discordian Trickster
Author's Note: This will be a oneshot, because I ain't gonna contradict anything that's already canon (i.e. Vergil getting defeated by Mundus and becoming Nelo Angelo).
The fic is centered around Vergil. This is just a humorous possibility of what could have happened between DMC3 and DMC, if it were up to me. :lol: Slight OOC with Vergil because it's a humor fic.
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Heaven or Hell
"If my father could do it, I should be able to do it too."
Having said that, Vergil began to Air Trick towards the three glowing orbs, preparing for a Helm Breaker with Yamato.
Mundus seemed to pause; the three glowing orbs ceased all movement completely. Then there was a very sinister flash of red light.
Vergil blinked in surprise. He was no longer in the Room of Fallen Ones, but in a place full of light. The entire place was clinically white, as if a germaphobe had scrubbed the place with every stain remover in the world. There was but one exception, and that was a huge gate made out of a single pearl. And in front of the pearl was an angel.
"Of all the places to be in, I'm in Heaven?!" Vergil muttered in disbelief.
The angel seemed to only just notice Vergil's arrival.
"Good afternoon," he said in a drawl, as if bored, "how long have you been dead?"
"What? I'm not dead." Vergil replied, slightly confused by the events that were happening.
"Of course you're dead. Only dead people get sent here. Now, sir, do you have an invitation?"
Vergil was beginning to get irritated, not just with the condescending tone, but with the fact that he hadn't managed to finish the fight with Mundus. "I don't have a damn invitation! Alright, fine, I'm dead. Are you going to let me in, or what?"
The angel whipped out a scroll from thin air, which unrolled into seemingly endless paper. He squinted at the ant-like words on the scroll, raised a mug of coffee, and said, "Let's see if you're on our guest list. What's your name, sir?"
"... Vergil. Vergil, Son of Sparda."
The angel coughed and sputtered over his coffee.
"Excuse me?! I beg your pardon, I didn't hear you clearly, but did you say 'Son of Sparda'?"
"Of course I did!" Vergil barely restrained himself from exploding in rage. "What the hell is wrong with your hearing?! That not loud enough for you?"
The angel turned a shade of white even paler than the surroundings. He dropped the mug, which disappeared into a cloud of smoke, and hit a big red button which also materialized out of nowhere.
"DEMON ALERT! I REPEAT! DEMON ALERT!!!"
Vergil was about to retort that he wasn't a full demon, when he found himself surrounded by angels of every kind.
As one voice, the angels said, "Demons are banned from Heaven. Be gone from here!"
"Fine, I was about to leave anyway," Vergil grumbled, turning his back on the gate. And then he wished he hadn't.
The angel he first met dashed forward and gave him a push, right into a portal that opened to...
Hell. It was exactly as described in the Inferno. Hell was in fact divided into layers where sinners were punished based on the sin that represented their lives the most. The fact that the Inferno was written by another man named Dante didn't pacify Vergil at all.
He began to walk along the river shore, shoving past a long line of people queueing up to cross the river Acheron. Finally, he sees a boat, and a withered old man piloting it.
The old man, Charon, glared at Vergil and spat, "You should queue up like all the other folks did, boy."
"To Hell with lines. Take me across the river. I'm going to kill this place's owner and take over the entire area."
"Heh heh heh... what will you do if I don't?"
"I'll kill you, and hijack your boat."
"I'm dead, what more can you do to me?"
Vergil felt, for once, mad enough to throttle someone there and then. He seethed, "I'll... I'll break into your vault and rob you of every coin you've ever been paid!"
"Alright, alright, I'll get you across the Acheron! Just leave my money alone!" Charon complained, and gestured for Vergil to get on the boat.
Halfway across the river, Charon asked, "What's your name, boy?"
"Vergil."
"Oh ho! You came down to Hell seven centuries ago, and forced me to take you and that punk Dante across the river... without paying me! Funny how you end up in Hell... as a dead man!"
Vergil was stupefied. "What the hell are you talking about? Since when would I give my life for my pesky brother? I haven't even-- oh, I see. You've confused me with the other Virgil--"
"Shut up! Now you're in my domain, I'll drown you in my river!" Charon gave Vergil an insane grin, and raised the boat oar over his head.
Without moving from his seat, Vergil sicced the Yamato on Charon, and the ferryman fell into the river himself. Charon clung to the boat's starboard side and screamed, "Help! I can't swim!"
"You should've thought about that before applying for this job," Vergil retorted, and began to send the boat back on course, leaving the ferryman struggling in the river.
Finally, he reached the other side of the river. Suddenly, the ground erupted and a huge megaphone-like speaker blared, "Halt! Who goes there?"
"Vergil. How many times must I say it?"
"So you've come to be judged!" the voice declared.
"No, I've come to boot you off your seat and take over your position. You're a cowardly little nobody who made it big because you can inflict damage on anyone here at will."
The voice sniffled a little, "Was that really necessary?"
"Shut up and die."
The megaphone disappeared back into the ground so quickly that the ground might've swallowed it. In the same spot, a swivelling chair rose up, complete with a computer and a set of surround sound speakers.
Vergil peered over the oversized computer to get a better look at his tormentor. "Get out of that seat, woman. I'm in charge now."
The figure behind the computer leapt up and shrieked in outrage, "I'm a man! A man! Why does everyone call me a woman?! Because I have long hair?!"
"Blame your parents for the way you look," Vergil replied offhandedly.
"How dare you insult my parents! I'm Minos, the Judge of Hell!"
"And I'm Vergil, the Son of Sparda. Doesn't that earn any favor points with you Hell-dwellers?" Vergil took the seat behind the computer and continued, "Now, where were we?"
Vergil clicked on the first folder on the desktop, and a blown-up image of a kid-version of Minos appeared. Below were the words: "When are you going to pay child support you SOAB?"
Both men froze. And then Minos said, "For an eternal supply of pizza and my job, please don't respond to her messages."
Vergil smirked at the Judge and said, "Throw in an eternal supply of strawberry sundaes and I'll consider it."
"Done."
Thus, the transfer of power was completed in utmost discretion. Vergil began to plan a way to convert all the sinners into his own slave army, so that he can return to the living world by force and take back everything that was lost to him.
After what seemed an eternity of meetings with his appointed commanders, he finally got his plan out to everyone. It was going over nicely, when everything blew up and went to Hell.
A short-tempered woman showed up in Hell, demanding to see the man in charge. Vergil went to see just who it was that was causing such a commotion.
The woman spotted him, and she screamed at him, "YOU! YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND'S JOB!"
Vergil responded quickly, "He gave me the job in return for not replying to your messages."
"Liar! You took his job, and stopped him from seeing me!" the woman whipped out a giant rubber hammer from nowhere and began to beat the living s*** out of Vergil. Everytime Vergil tried to slash the woman with the Yamato, she disappeared and reappeared right behind him, and she proceeded to attack him again.
Finally, Vergil decided that this was a waste of his time, and he said, "Fine, I'll allow him to take his job back. All the paperwork was too boring, anyway."
The woman smirked and replied, "Thank you, m'dear." The smirk soon faded as she noticed the former Judge of Hell hiding behind a stone pillar. Immediately, she headed towards him and began to attack him with the giant hammer, screaming about not paying child support.
Vergil leant against a pillar and watched the fight, disinterested. He shouted, "Hey, woman! How in the world do you manage to do that disappearing thing?"
The woman didn't respond, but Minos screamed back, "I imbued her with the god-moding powers of cheat codes on my computer!"
Vergil had a
look before he decided that the man was spouting nonsense. "When your scandal is done, what're you gonna do? I'll just kick your a** again."
The Judge of Hell, given a brief respite from the rubber hammer, cursed and yelled at him, "Shut up! You're banned from Hell! You caused too much trouble here!"
"Great. Now I'm banned from both Heaven and Hell. Where am I supposed to live?!" Vergil grumbled.
"Go back to where you came from!" the slightly insane Judge screamed, and opened a portal beneath Vergil's feet.
There was a myriad of flashing lights, and Vergil was deposited back in the Room of Fallen Ones, with Mundus glaring down at him.
"So, that traitor Sparda had a son..." Mundus rumbled, and the three orbs intensified in their glow. "That's very interesting..."
Vergil felt a strange light-headedness, as if someone had emptied his mind of all memories.
"Now, state your name."
Right, so who was he? He had said his name three different times earlier, but now he can't remember it. Then the memory resurfaced.
"... Nelo Angelo."
_______________________________________
The end.
The fic is centered around Vergil. This is just a humorous possibility of what could have happened between DMC3 and DMC, if it were up to me. :lol: Slight OOC with Vergil because it's a humor fic.
_________________________________________
Heaven or Hell
"If my father could do it, I should be able to do it too."
Having said that, Vergil began to Air Trick towards the three glowing orbs, preparing for a Helm Breaker with Yamato.
Mundus seemed to pause; the three glowing orbs ceased all movement completely. Then there was a very sinister flash of red light.
Vergil blinked in surprise. He was no longer in the Room of Fallen Ones, but in a place full of light. The entire place was clinically white, as if a germaphobe had scrubbed the place with every stain remover in the world. There was but one exception, and that was a huge gate made out of a single pearl. And in front of the pearl was an angel.
"Of all the places to be in, I'm in Heaven?!" Vergil muttered in disbelief.
The angel seemed to only just notice Vergil's arrival.
"Good afternoon," he said in a drawl, as if bored, "how long have you been dead?"
"What? I'm not dead." Vergil replied, slightly confused by the events that were happening.
"Of course you're dead. Only dead people get sent here. Now, sir, do you have an invitation?"
Vergil was beginning to get irritated, not just with the condescending tone, but with the fact that he hadn't managed to finish the fight with Mundus. "I don't have a damn invitation! Alright, fine, I'm dead. Are you going to let me in, or what?"
The angel whipped out a scroll from thin air, which unrolled into seemingly endless paper. He squinted at the ant-like words on the scroll, raised a mug of coffee, and said, "Let's see if you're on our guest list. What's your name, sir?"
"... Vergil. Vergil, Son of Sparda."
The angel coughed and sputtered over his coffee.
"Excuse me?! I beg your pardon, I didn't hear you clearly, but did you say 'Son of Sparda'?"
"Of course I did!" Vergil barely restrained himself from exploding in rage. "What the hell is wrong with your hearing?! That not loud enough for you?"
The angel turned a shade of white even paler than the surroundings. He dropped the mug, which disappeared into a cloud of smoke, and hit a big red button which also materialized out of nowhere.
"DEMON ALERT! I REPEAT! DEMON ALERT!!!"
Vergil was about to retort that he wasn't a full demon, when he found himself surrounded by angels of every kind.
As one voice, the angels said, "Demons are banned from Heaven. Be gone from here!"
"Fine, I was about to leave anyway," Vergil grumbled, turning his back on the gate. And then he wished he hadn't.
The angel he first met dashed forward and gave him a push, right into a portal that opened to...
Hell. It was exactly as described in the Inferno. Hell was in fact divided into layers where sinners were punished based on the sin that represented their lives the most. The fact that the Inferno was written by another man named Dante didn't pacify Vergil at all.
He began to walk along the river shore, shoving past a long line of people queueing up to cross the river Acheron. Finally, he sees a boat, and a withered old man piloting it.
The old man, Charon, glared at Vergil and spat, "You should queue up like all the other folks did, boy."
"To Hell with lines. Take me across the river. I'm going to kill this place's owner and take over the entire area."
"Heh heh heh... what will you do if I don't?"
"I'll kill you, and hijack your boat."
"I'm dead, what more can you do to me?"
Vergil felt, for once, mad enough to throttle someone there and then. He seethed, "I'll... I'll break into your vault and rob you of every coin you've ever been paid!"
"Alright, alright, I'll get you across the Acheron! Just leave my money alone!" Charon complained, and gestured for Vergil to get on the boat.
Halfway across the river, Charon asked, "What's your name, boy?"
"Vergil."
"Oh ho! You came down to Hell seven centuries ago, and forced me to take you and that punk Dante across the river... without paying me! Funny how you end up in Hell... as a dead man!"
Vergil was stupefied. "What the hell are you talking about? Since when would I give my life for my pesky brother? I haven't even-- oh, I see. You've confused me with the other Virgil--"
"Shut up! Now you're in my domain, I'll drown you in my river!" Charon gave Vergil an insane grin, and raised the boat oar over his head.
Without moving from his seat, Vergil sicced the Yamato on Charon, and the ferryman fell into the river himself. Charon clung to the boat's starboard side and screamed, "Help! I can't swim!"
"You should've thought about that before applying for this job," Vergil retorted, and began to send the boat back on course, leaving the ferryman struggling in the river.
Finally, he reached the other side of the river. Suddenly, the ground erupted and a huge megaphone-like speaker blared, "Halt! Who goes there?"
"Vergil. How many times must I say it?"
"So you've come to be judged!" the voice declared.
"No, I've come to boot you off your seat and take over your position. You're a cowardly little nobody who made it big because you can inflict damage on anyone here at will."
The voice sniffled a little, "Was that really necessary?"
"Shut up and die."
The megaphone disappeared back into the ground so quickly that the ground might've swallowed it. In the same spot, a swivelling chair rose up, complete with a computer and a set of surround sound speakers.
Vergil peered over the oversized computer to get a better look at his tormentor. "Get out of that seat, woman. I'm in charge now."
The figure behind the computer leapt up and shrieked in outrage, "I'm a man! A man! Why does everyone call me a woman?! Because I have long hair?!"
"Blame your parents for the way you look," Vergil replied offhandedly.
"How dare you insult my parents! I'm Minos, the Judge of Hell!"
"And I'm Vergil, the Son of Sparda. Doesn't that earn any favor points with you Hell-dwellers?" Vergil took the seat behind the computer and continued, "Now, where were we?"
Vergil clicked on the first folder on the desktop, and a blown-up image of a kid-version of Minos appeared. Below were the words: "When are you going to pay child support you SOAB?"
Both men froze. And then Minos said, "For an eternal supply of pizza and my job, please don't respond to her messages."
Vergil smirked at the Judge and said, "Throw in an eternal supply of strawberry sundaes and I'll consider it."
"Done."
Thus, the transfer of power was completed in utmost discretion. Vergil began to plan a way to convert all the sinners into his own slave army, so that he can return to the living world by force and take back everything that was lost to him.
After what seemed an eternity of meetings with his appointed commanders, he finally got his plan out to everyone. It was going over nicely, when everything blew up and went to Hell.
A short-tempered woman showed up in Hell, demanding to see the man in charge. Vergil went to see just who it was that was causing such a commotion.
The woman spotted him, and she screamed at him, "YOU! YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND'S JOB!"
Vergil responded quickly, "He gave me the job in return for not replying to your messages."
"Liar! You took his job, and stopped him from seeing me!" the woman whipped out a giant rubber hammer from nowhere and began to beat the living s*** out of Vergil. Everytime Vergil tried to slash the woman with the Yamato, she disappeared and reappeared right behind him, and she proceeded to attack him again.
Finally, Vergil decided that this was a waste of his time, and he said, "Fine, I'll allow him to take his job back. All the paperwork was too boring, anyway."
The woman smirked and replied, "Thank you, m'dear." The smirk soon faded as she noticed the former Judge of Hell hiding behind a stone pillar. Immediately, she headed towards him and began to attack him with the giant hammer, screaming about not paying child support.
Vergil leant against a pillar and watched the fight, disinterested. He shouted, "Hey, woman! How in the world do you manage to do that disappearing thing?"
The woman didn't respond, but Minos screamed back, "I imbued her with the god-moding powers of cheat codes on my computer!"
Vergil had a
look before he decided that the man was spouting nonsense. "When your scandal is done, what're you gonna do? I'll just kick your a** again."The Judge of Hell, given a brief respite from the rubber hammer, cursed and yelled at him, "Shut up! You're banned from Hell! You caused too much trouble here!"
"Great. Now I'm banned from both Heaven and Hell. Where am I supposed to live?!" Vergil grumbled.
"Go back to where you came from!" the slightly insane Judge screamed, and opened a portal beneath Vergil's feet.
There was a myriad of flashing lights, and Vergil was deposited back in the Room of Fallen Ones, with Mundus glaring down at him.
"So, that traitor Sparda had a son..." Mundus rumbled, and the three orbs intensified in their glow. "That's very interesting..."
Vergil felt a strange light-headedness, as if someone had emptied his mind of all memories.
"Now, state your name."
Right, so who was he? He had said his name three different times earlier, but now he can't remember it. Then the memory resurfaced.
"... Nelo Angelo."
_______________________________________
The end.
