Funniest Quotes From Your Own Work!

[Daring Dylan]

Kinda like the "Quotes From Your Own Work!" thread, but for the funny ones. >.>

Here's some of mine.

Julie held the knife to Daryl's throat, pressing hard enough to draw a thin amount of blood. The other kids stood in a state of fear.

"You can't do that," Derek said calmly, walking up to the pair and placing a hand on both of their shoulders. They both turned their eyes on him.

"Why not?" they said in unison.

"It doesn't fit the novel's genre," Derek said simply.

Everyone nodded and muttered in agreement.

"But wait," Victor said dramatically, placing his hands on hsi hips and striking a pose. "It's a first draft. Anything can happen!"

Everyone nodded and muttered in agreement again.

"Why are you wearing two different colored Converse?" Daryl asked his science partner - whose name he still didn't remember.

"So I can tell my right foot from my left foot!" he replied cheerily.

Roza grabbed her copy of "The Hitchhicker's Guide To The Galaxy' and placed it in her overnight bag.

"Why did you grab that?" Samantha asked.

"Because we're gonna go hitchhiking. Duh," Roza said as if Samantha had down syndrome.

"Victor puts down his book," Victor said, putting down his book.

"What the freak?" Derek said.

"I lost the game!" Daryl shouted.

"**** you!" someone down the street shouted back.

"Did you just say it's fun to shower with other guys?!" Jessica shrieked.

Victor and Nate looked up from their Geometry book. And so did everyone else in the library.

"No, they didn't. But it is pretty fun," Robert said, walking over to their table and placing an arm around Nate's shoulder.

"Don't touch me," he said.

Derek held the two ice cream cones up to his chest and smiled. "Hey, look. I'm Madonna!"

"So you want to have sex?" Daryl asked.

"Look, just because we're locked in a closet and both guys and you're gay and I've been questioning as of late doesn't mean I want to have sex with you right now," Victor replied.

"Right now?"

"Or ever."

"Aw . . ."

I have lots. >.>

 

[Meg]

^ Some of those are really funny! :lol:

Here's some of mine:

They arrived at Snow’s house and went inside. “Sooo what’s for dinner?” Snow asked as Serah wondered into the kitchen. He lied down on the couch and crossed his legs. “Unless you want me to make something.”

Serah just started laughing. “Yeah, no. Remember what happened last time?”

Snow rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad.”

“Are you kidding? The neighbors thought someone was being murdered! They even called GC and Lightning had to come over and check it out, make sure everything was safe.”

“Come over? More like break down the door and charge in here with that gun thing she has and almost shoot me in the face.” Snow put in. It was not a fun experience and Snow was never aloud in the kitchen since. “Stop smiling!” he yelled when he realized Serah was trying not to laugh.

“Dad, I’m home!” Maria called as she entered the front door later that day. She found him hard at work making dinner. “Aw, Dad. Why can’t you let me make it? I’m better.”

“Practice makes perfect!” he replied enthusiastically.

“Not with you, Dad.”

“You’re to kind. Now sit down, it’s almost ready.”

Maria tried to protest by saying she was going to eat elsewhere.

Derik turned around and looked at her. “You, sit.” He smiled. Maria nodded and sat down. He put a bowl of what looked like brown slop in front of her.

“I don’t get it. What is it?”

“Brown slop!”

“Great…”

 

[Daring Dylan]

The way you spell Derik is awesome. I might have to change my Derek's spelling to that. But not really. Also "Brown slop" LOL.

Moar~

Derek shoved his way towards one of the bathroom stalls. All were locked . . . unsurprisingly. Despite the signs that read "No sex in the bathrooms, that's what the couches are for," on every door, none of the guys seemed to abide by the bar's rules. Each and every stall had two or more guys breaking them.

"What do you do if you actually have to, you know, use the freaking restroom?" Derek asked.

"Find a scat queen," Daryl suggested from behind him.

"That's disgusting," Derek said, cringing and finding an open stall. He and Daryl walked into it. "What do you have tonight?"

Daryl pulled out a single package of Kool-Aid and a packet of sugar. "Happy crack."

"I feel like I'm in sixth grade again."

"Yes, if sixth grade was at a gay bar."

To the Victor puts down his book one...

Victor woke up that morning and decided something big. Something important. He was going to narrate his whole life for one day.

He hopped out of his bed and smiled.

"Victor hops out of his bed and smiles."

EDIT~

I have a TON of random ass scenes that don't fit in anywhere in my story. And all the random scenes usually contain my characters acting OOC. As seen here-

"I don't see why you get the feeling I don't like you," she said innocently.

"Julie," Daryl started. "You sent ninja pirate robots to kill me. Twice."

"I said I was sorry!"

"Oh yeah? Well sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Missy!"

 

[Meg]

If you are the Kaiser of Germany it is perfectly acceptable to pretend you are riding a horse when you get bored.

I know, Hope. I’ll be there soon. Stay put. Oh and, Hope…don’t tell anyone I contacted you.”

“Why not?” A light on the phone started blinking. “I got another call. See you, Light.” he answered the call waiting. “Hello?”

“I’m calling from GC. You wanted to know the status of one of our soldiers?”

“Oh yeah.” Not that he needed it anymore.

“Lieutenant Claire Farron. Age 21. Hair: Pink, eyes: blue, height: 5’7’’. This right?”

“Uh…yeah.” Lieutenant? When did that happen?

“Status: AWOL.”

“Oh.”

Suddenly a small boy with blonde hair around Serah’s age walked up to them.

“Hey, girls! Any room for me?”

“No way! Leave us alone.” Claire yelled at the boy. He bothers them all the time.

“Yeah! Go away!” Serah said to him, trying to imitate her sister.

“Ah, come on! You girls know ya can’t resist me!” the blonde boy outstretched his arms.

That did it. Claire jumped off the swing, landing on her feet. She stormed up to the boy who was now very scared. “Whaaa are you doing?” he tried to back away. Claire made a fist and swung it into his cheek. The boy fell over. He laid there for a few seconds in shock. Claire got back on her swing, her sister looking at her in awe. The boy started crying and ran away screaming. “WAAAAAAHH!”

Serah started laughing. “You sure showed him!”

Claire flipped her hair back. “Of course.”

I hope someone else posts in this thread. XD