LordOfDarkness
The Dark Avenger © †
This is basically meant to be a funny story involving the Devil May Cry characters, regarding the end of the World. Inspiration was brought on by the 2012 end of the World prediction, that never came true.
"KYRIE!" he cried with utter joy and glee.
And then that was that. The card game had drawn to an end, finally after all of those long hours playing. "Ah, sitting and waiting is so dull" Dante yawned, tired.
"Hm...Tell me about it man. Couldn't we just order a pizza or summit?" Nero asked, yawning also. Dante opened another can of pepsi and poured the entire contents into his human/demonic stomach. "Refreshing" he said.
"Dude, do you even let the liquid touch the sides?" Nero said, outstanded.
Dante ignored the comment.
"Where the motherfuck is Vergil? He said he'd be here hours ago. He was gonna bring Katana Hero" Dante sighed.
"Katana Hero? Can't say I've heard of that one!" Nero replied, puzzled.
"Ah, it's like Guitar Hero, except with a Katana" Dante answered, simply.
Nero sort of shrugged as if to say 'Fair enough'.
"Come on, end already. I want to get to killing things and blowing crap up" Dante said eagerly.
"Half an hour seems like forever when you're not having fun" Nero stated the obvious.
Then the door was barged open. Vergil stood there, Katana in hand.
"Better late than never" he claimed, boldly.
"Where the fuc...? Nevermind, just sit down" said Dante.
Vergil seated himself next to Nero. "So, end of the World, huh? You guys ready for it?" Vergil wondered, innocently.
"Ready?" Dante laughed. "Are we ready?" Nero said, laughing also. The two broke out into a hysterical fit of laughter.
Vergil stared at them, slightly worried.
"Um...yeah..."...
Then an almighty shake threw them all around the room. Dante slammed into his office desk. Vergil fell off of the sofa. And Nero facepalmed the TV, turning it on.
The three finally pulled themselves together.
"Breaking news. Weather warnings are at the highest they have ever been. As half of the country is to expect serious thunderstorms and some minor earthquakes. People are being told to emergency vacuate their homes" came a TV News Report.
At that moment, Lady and Trish arrived.
"Hey, where's Lucia?" Dante questioned.
"Ah who cares?" Vergil rudely answered.
Then there was a blackout.
.................................................................
"Um Trish, could you give me a little space" Dante said, awkwardly.
"I'm nowhere near you" Trish shouted from across the room.
"Then who's holding me?" Dante asked.
Then the lights came back on, and Nero was staring Dante right in the face.
Dante frowned at Nero, who laughed a bit nervously and then backed away.
"Okay guys and girls, listen up. We all know who is behind all of this" Dante announced.
"Yeah, ****head" Nero said.
"I think his name was Mundus" Vergil replied.
"I like ****head more" Nero stated.
"Mundus the ****head is behind all of this" Dante said. "And we're gonna have to flush this giant turd once and for all" he added.
"Where are we going to get a toilet that big?" Nero pondered. Nobody took his comment seriously.
"Off into darkness" Dante manly stated.
"Can we take torches? I don't like the dark" Nero admitted.
So the team left Devil May Cry, torches in hand. As they wandered down the lonely streets.
"Oh my beans on toast" Dante said, stopping still.
He pointed towards a group of humans that were staring into a department store, looking at all the things inside and mindlessly gawping and gasping at them.
"Zombies...Definitely zombies" Dante pointed out.
"I'm...Not exactly so sure on that one, Dante" Trish replied.
"No no. I know zombies when I see them" Dante made clear.
"When have we ever faced against zombies?" Vergil queried.
"Um, like all the time dude. Don't you remember Albert Wesker?" Dante asked.
"What? Dante that's another videogame entirely" Vergil argued.
"Guys, we don't have time for this" Lady butted in. "If these are zombies like Dante said, we have to dispatch of them right away" she followed.
"Gameplay. Strategy. **** like that is what we need" Dante mentioned.
"Strategy huh? We're going with a strategy now? Since when were we that classy?" Vergil kept arguing.
"Vergil, your constant bickering isn't helping anyone" Lady said, annoyed.
"And what are you meant to do about it, Miss crankypants?"...
"Guys guys guys. I've got it. Okay, Trish, lightning and ****. Nero, that weird arm of yours. Vergil, Katana slices all the way. Lady, use the **** out of Kalina Ann" Dante summerised,
"And er, what about you Dante?" Trish needn't of even asked.
"ME? I just stand here and look cool"...
"Figures" Vergil said, rolling his eyes.
The team went to work whilst Dante just stood there, filing his nails and trying to look all badass and whatnot. Finally, the human zombies were all brutally murdered to a bloody and gruesome pulp.
The team returned to Dante, quite annoyed with his lack of participation.
"Please tell me the next load of demons we bump into, you are going to contribute" Vergil said, angrily.
"Yeah yeah, totally bro. Have faith in me" Dante said, slapping the side of Vergil's face, much to his annoyance.
The group continued to venture onwards.
"Um, we do know where we're going right?" some said in unison.
"Yeah these stories have a way of ending right for us. I'm sure we're going the right way" Dante remarked.
"If you're sure"...
Then out of nowhere, a gigantic spider appeared. Scurrying around in a circle, menacingly. It spat molten lava at the group, narrowly missing.
"WHO DARES TO ENTER MY DOMAIN?!" Phantom bellowed.
"Hi my name is Nero and..." Nero was beginning to speak, but was rudely interrupted by Dante.
"What's it to you, hairy legs? Have you never heard of waxing?" Dante mocked.
"I'll teach you to mock me" Phantom cried out, shooting towards Dante who was just stood there.
Vergil intervened by slicing one of Phantom's legs off with his Katana.
The spider cried in agony. "Dante, get it together man" Nero said, getting touchy also.
"If you all insist" Dante replied, bursting into his Devil Trigger and kicking seven shades of **** out of the demonic spider until it was begging for mercy.
"Make that the last time you ever mess with us, do you hear me spider legs?" Dante threatened.
"I'm telling Mundus to personally meet you himself" Phantom answered, before scurrying away.
That's when things got interesting. The group had finally made their way to the end of their journey.
"Well guys, this is it. The happy ending we'd all been waiting for" Dante bluntly put it.
Suddenly a heavenly figure could be seen making its way towards them all. Nero looked into the distance, he could just make out 'her' face.
"KYRIE!" he cried with utter joy and glee.
"NERO!" she shouted back at him, outstretching her arms. Waiting for that perfect moment that they could both hold each other again in each other's arms, happily.
SQUASH!
"OOPS, MY BAD!" Mundus screamed, delariously. "It seems like I just stepped on an ant" he horribly added, lifting up his foot and showing them the squashed remains of Nero's beloved girlfriend.
"K..y..r..i..e..!" Nero burst into tears.
"Oh...Ah...Well...Um...Not exactly the most perfect ending I was hoping for, but still...We're okay, right?" Dante tried to reassure the team. Then the Earth tore itself apart, and as it ripped open, Lady fell down inbetween the gap and fell several hundred feet before hitting the ground.
"Oh...Well, I'm sure things couldn't get much worse" Dante continued to pursue some sort of hope.
Then Mundus stabbed Trish through the chest, ripping her heart out and laughed whilst he watched her bleed to death.
"Well, still...We're okay, aren't we bro?" Dante said, turning to face Vergil who was being blown away by seriously strong winds.
"Nero?...Me and you, we're good right?" Dante almost didn't want to ask.
Nero grabbed Dante with his Devil Bringer and shook him around like a rag doll. "YOU SAID EVERYTHING WAS GONNA BE FINE, YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!" Nero screamed and bellowed at the top of his voice. After so much shaking and squeezing, Dante's head popped off and went flying in a completely different direction.
The only ones that remained were Nero and Mundus. They both stared at each other, anger in their eyes and their hearts.
Then Dante slammed his fist on the table and Nero woke.
"NERO!" Dante shouted.
"Huh, what?" he answered, yawning.
"I ordered that pizza you mentioned. It's gone past Midnight, there is no apocalypse" Dante revealed.
"What, what happened?" Nero wondered.
"You fell asleep after that card game we had. I only just woke you because the food had arrived" Dante answered.
"You mean...Kyrie isn't dead?" Nero replied, over the moon.
"No...Why would she be dead?" Dante answered, kind of worried for Nero.
CUT!
You didn't really think I was going to end it like it was all just a dream, did you? Oh no...
Nero woke up in Devil May Cry.
"What the ****? I dreamt that I had dreamt that whole thing up?..." he said, confused. He couldn't make sense of it all.
Then there was a knock on the door. Nero went to answer it.
"Hi, my name is Lucia. I came to offer you my support since we've all lost the ones we hold close and dear" Lucia greeted him with these warm words.
"Ah well, come in then...There's only one bed, so I'll just sleep on the couch" Nero told her.
.....................................................
Vergil landed in a field filled with cows. Dante on the other hand, stuck his own head back onto his body himself and was as good as new. Vergil swore vengeance against Dante. Dante swore vengeance against Nero. And Nero and Lucia hit it off whilst Kyrie remains a bloodstain on ****head's foot.
THE END!
