LordOfDarkness
The Dark Avenger © †
Welcome, I hope you're comfy? No? Oh, well that's unfortunate, because we're about to begin anyway. Right now I'm going to give you a quick run down on what happens in Devil May Cry. Some things may not be as they seem. This is a quick, random, funny short story. Or at least, that's its intention.
So, let's begin shall we? No? Well, that's unfortunate, we're going to anyway.
Devil May Cry 1 - At the beginning, though not technically, because this is after Devil May Cry 3 which is meant to be the beginning, but we're suppose to overlook this. Anyway, in the beginning there was a man. I say man, he's actually half man and half demon. Say what? I know, it's ridiculously stupid, play along with it anyway. And his father was a full demon who managed to seal away the ruler of Hell and save humanity. Some crazy stuff right there. His name was Sparda. There's not much known about him, but we'll make some stuff up about that later, so don't worry all too much about that right now. Okay, we're going to need some place to introduce Dante aren't we? I don't know why I'm asking that question, the answer is yes, we are.
Anywho, instead of starting with Devil May Cry 1, we'll start with Devil May Cry 3, but call it Devil May Cry 1 to avoid such confusion.
How about we brainstorm ideas? Okay, I'll start. What about a strip joint? No, too full on for a beginning. How about at a funeral? Perhaps his mothers. Oops, I hope Dante didn't hear me say that. No, because family need to be at funerals, and Dante's fathers dead and his brother apparently hates him, so that won't do. How about...I've got it, his unnamed shop? I know, a shop without a name. What happens if someone rings the store? "Hello, welcome to...*Drools mindlessly*"... I suppose in that case, the store wouldn't have a phone number. What about if someone entered the store though? "Um, excuse me, what's the name of this store?" says the confused customer. Dante stares back blankly, "Just buy something and leave. I'll think on a name later".
Okay, so we're starting at Devil May Cry, Dante's unnamed store. I just named it, because that's it's name, but it doesn't get that name until the end of Devil May Cry 1, which is technically Devil May Cry 3. Oh God, this is getting so awkward. Let's just begin this thing.
A man enters Dante's store, walking up to the desk and confronting him. "Hello Dante, I have an invitation from your brother, Vergil" he says, sliding a piece of paper across the desk. Dante picks it up and observes the piece of paper, looking back he notices that the mysterious man has left.
Instructions - Vergil's 18th Birthday Party Bash
Location - On top of some old tower I ressurected
Time -7pm to 11pm
Dress - Something silly
"Okay bro...So if it's a Birthday bash your after, then I'm gonna bash your brains in" Dante states, getting his clothes together and heading outside. Suddenly a demon with a scythe appears. "Hey stop were you are, I'm the Grim Repo" the demon says, Dante halts. "The what?" he replied. "You heard. I'm here to take away some of your things because you didn't make your payments on time" the demon answers. "Oh yeah?" Dante says. "Yeah" the demon answers. "Oh really?" Dante replies. "Yes" the demon says again. "Is that so?" Dante asks again. The demon scratches its head. "I'm just going to go inside and take what I need to" the demon states. "Yeah, that would be best" Dante answers, heading off down the street.
A huge tower erupted in front of Dante's eyes. "Well I'll be damned. He really went all out on this Birthday do. That must of cost an arm and a leg" Dante says, wandering towards the huge tower.
"Stop right there human" came the voice of a huge demonic dog. "What?" Dante spits out. "Where's your invitation?" the beast requests. Dante rummages around in his pockets. "Damn...Left it at the shop. Come on, I'm his brother, you have to let me in" Dante says desperately. "No can do little man" the demon confirms. "Little? Who are you calling little?" Dante replies, angrily. Raising Ebony and Ivory he shoots the dog in one of its heads. "Come on, I have three heads...You shoot one of them...I have two more. You shoot two of them, I have one more" the demon laughs. "I know maths. You have three heads. I shoot one of them, you have two more. I shoot two of them, you have one more. I shoot all of them, you have none. I shoot one more, you have minus one head" Dante says.
"No, I can't have minus one head. That doesn't logically work out as correct. Because if I had no heads, you can't minus a head" the demon remarks. "Yeah, but in maths, if I have zero and I minus one, I go into minus one. If you have no heads, and I minus a head from you, you have minus one head" Dante tries to explain. "No, because I'd be minus three heads" the demon says, confused. "Dude, get a calculator, you know I'm right" Dante replies. The demonic creature scurries off to do just that. "What an idiot" Dante says to himself, entering into the tower.
So, let's begin shall we? No? Well, that's unfortunate, we're going to anyway.
Devil May Cry 1 - At the beginning, though not technically, because this is after Devil May Cry 3 which is meant to be the beginning, but we're suppose to overlook this. Anyway, in the beginning there was a man. I say man, he's actually half man and half demon. Say what? I know, it's ridiculously stupid, play along with it anyway. And his father was a full demon who managed to seal away the ruler of Hell and save humanity. Some crazy stuff right there. His name was Sparda. There's not much known about him, but we'll make some stuff up about that later, so don't worry all too much about that right now. Okay, we're going to need some place to introduce Dante aren't we? I don't know why I'm asking that question, the answer is yes, we are.
Anywho, instead of starting with Devil May Cry 1, we'll start with Devil May Cry 3, but call it Devil May Cry 1 to avoid such confusion.
How about we brainstorm ideas? Okay, I'll start. What about a strip joint? No, too full on for a beginning. How about at a funeral? Perhaps his mothers. Oops, I hope Dante didn't hear me say that. No, because family need to be at funerals, and Dante's fathers dead and his brother apparently hates him, so that won't do. How about...I've got it, his unnamed shop? I know, a shop without a name. What happens if someone rings the store? "Hello, welcome to...*Drools mindlessly*"... I suppose in that case, the store wouldn't have a phone number. What about if someone entered the store though? "Um, excuse me, what's the name of this store?" says the confused customer. Dante stares back blankly, "Just buy something and leave. I'll think on a name later".
Okay, so we're starting at Devil May Cry, Dante's unnamed store. I just named it, because that's it's name, but it doesn't get that name until the end of Devil May Cry 1, which is technically Devil May Cry 3. Oh God, this is getting so awkward. Let's just begin this thing.
A man enters Dante's store, walking up to the desk and confronting him. "Hello Dante, I have an invitation from your brother, Vergil" he says, sliding a piece of paper across the desk. Dante picks it up and observes the piece of paper, looking back he notices that the mysterious man has left.
Instructions - Vergil's 18th Birthday Party Bash
Location - On top of some old tower I ressurected
Time -7pm to 11pm
Dress - Something silly
"Okay bro...So if it's a Birthday bash your after, then I'm gonna bash your brains in" Dante states, getting his clothes together and heading outside. Suddenly a demon with a scythe appears. "Hey stop were you are, I'm the Grim Repo" the demon says, Dante halts. "The what?" he replied. "You heard. I'm here to take away some of your things because you didn't make your payments on time" the demon answers. "Oh yeah?" Dante says. "Yeah" the demon answers. "Oh really?" Dante replies. "Yes" the demon says again. "Is that so?" Dante asks again. The demon scratches its head. "I'm just going to go inside and take what I need to" the demon states. "Yeah, that would be best" Dante answers, heading off down the street.
A huge tower erupted in front of Dante's eyes. "Well I'll be damned. He really went all out on this Birthday do. That must of cost an arm and a leg" Dante says, wandering towards the huge tower.
"Stop right there human" came the voice of a huge demonic dog. "What?" Dante spits out. "Where's your invitation?" the beast requests. Dante rummages around in his pockets. "Damn...Left it at the shop. Come on, I'm his brother, you have to let me in" Dante says desperately. "No can do little man" the demon confirms. "Little? Who are you calling little?" Dante replies, angrily. Raising Ebony and Ivory he shoots the dog in one of its heads. "Come on, I have three heads...You shoot one of them...I have two more. You shoot two of them, I have one more" the demon laughs. "I know maths. You have three heads. I shoot one of them, you have two more. I shoot two of them, you have one more. I shoot all of them, you have none. I shoot one more, you have minus one head" Dante says.
"No, I can't have minus one head. That doesn't logically work out as correct. Because if I had no heads, you can't minus a head" the demon remarks. "Yeah, but in maths, if I have zero and I minus one, I go into minus one. If you have no heads, and I minus a head from you, you have minus one head" Dante tries to explain. "No, because I'd be minus three heads" the demon says, confused. "Dude, get a calculator, you know I'm right" Dante replies. The demonic creature scurries off to do just that. "What an idiot" Dante says to himself, entering into the tower.