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A Very DMC Thanksgiving

Trish67

Bad a$$ Gunslinger
I couldnt help but write this....its a very late thanksgiving story about the dmc gang...this not all of it...it is to be continued.

Dante hated Thanksgiving. And this year was no different. He still hated it. Almost every year the place changed. This year it was at his Aunt Ellie's house. Last year it had been there as well. It had been a complete fisaco. Ellie's partner, Nora, had forgotten that Vergil was a Vegatarian and also that he was raising his daughter Persephone as one as well. But this year she couldn't forget, Meggie had called Nora and Ellie several times to remind them that Vergil and Persephone were vegatarians. The change that had taken place this year was that Dante had gotten married, and had a baby girl. Her name was a Anissa and she now two years old. They had brought her before but then she couldn't talk.

Dante and Trish arrived at Ellie's loft apartment, at noon. Trish carried Anissa on her hip. The bag that Trish had come acustome to having with her at all times when she was out with Anissa was slung over her other shoulder. Nora greeted them at the door.
"sit down," she said. "Make yourselfs at home. Vergil, Persephone and Kitanna are in the living room."
'Oh great,' Dante thought. He didn't get along with his brother at the best of times or the worst of times for that matter. Nora walked into the living room as Trish joined Kitanna on the couch.
"Does she speak full sentances yet?" Nora asked Trish
"No not really," said Trish. "she tells what she needs and want she wants, mostly with one or two words."
"I'm curious," said Nora. "does she call you mommy?"
"yes," said Trish. "I know I am totally aware that I don't look like a mother. So when I take Anissa shopping and she says "mommy" and looks at me, I get quite a few stares."
"What kind of stares?" Nora asked
"Stares, like people are thinking, she looks too young to be a mom, or people that know of my job, think should she really be doing that when she has a child. And I wonder where she got that kid, and they're probably thinking that she can't possilably be Dante's kid, cause she's just so sweet, but they don't know what a little devil she is."
Nora laughed. "I'm not kidding," said Trish. "she already knows several curse words, which I know she learned from her Daddy."
Nora stared, she didnt know whether or not to laugh or yell at Trish or Dante.
 

Dante's Stalker

"Outrun this!"
Premium
Supporter 2014
Ah, Trishy, I kept waiting for someone else to post feedback first but when I saw you posted in the Request thread I thought bugger it.

On the concrit front I'll start off with the bits we actually really truly hate to give and hear:
The grammar (a.k.a. the writing tools) isn't 100%, eg. a couple of sentences starting with a non-capitalised letter, example
"sit down,"
and the quotation marks differ from the rest of the story here
'Oh great,'
.
There are also a few spelling mistakes such as 'yourselfs' instead of 'yourselves', and 'sentances' instead of 'sentences'.
Albeit I'm only trying to help make it a bit quicker for you to edit by specifically pointing a few out here and there since this all comes down to a written and non-edited piece of work. It's not that you don't know how to write and necessarily need these things pointed out to you, because it just comes down to not having properly read through it again before you posted it. Else I'll bet you a packet of Oreos you would have picked up on everything that I have and fixed it anyway. And I love my Oreos.

It might also benefit to use double space instead of single space in between new paragraphs/dialogue just because it reads easier that way on a computer screen, but this is totally up to you and is just a suggestion you can consider or dismiss.

Onto the better concrit! I don't remember having read Nora yet and I know I haven't met Anissa yet so I don't have much to say about them. However I think you did well keeping the other characters in-character, the little chit-chat dialogue was SO Thanksgiving, so I think overall you did a pretty good job setting the mood for a crazy thanksgiving.

AND, tadum tadum, onto the review.
...
...
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLZ? @.@

-edit-
This is also the ninth time I've read it again, so I really do mean you need to write MOAR!
 

Meg

Well-known Member
Moderator
GAH! How did I not see this before?! O_O

Could I make a small request? Please put spaces in between paragraphs. Its easier on the eyes. ^_^

Anyway! I like the set up. I love how you were able to paint a detailed picture of all the characters in a small space. From what I've seen so far I'd say you're going a good job with the characters. I can't wait to see where this goes. :D
 

Trish67

Bad a$$ Gunslinger
I thought this would be funny. @ Master Vergil, you're not crazy I havent mentioned Nora yet in CC.
 
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