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The ranting thinking thread

therogis

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Hate to say this but it surely wouldn't be the first time she does that.

My psychotherapist left me with an open question: "Your mother won't change, that's for sure. You've given her hundreds of opportunities to prove otherwise. Of course you can give her another opportunity, but before you give up and call her again, you'll have to ask yourself this: are you ready to be guilty of everything that goes wrong in her life for the rest of your own life? Are you ready to be never enough for her? If the answer is no, you know what to do."

I can't believe I was really worried about that I should find a way for her to call me while I'm abroad. Let me explain the situation: If I kept my Finnish mobile subscription, I wouldn't be able to use Whatsapp because of data usage, thus I wouldn't be able to make video calls directly from my mobile phone. If I chose the German one, it would cost more for my mother to call me because she doesn't have Whatsapp. I would tell her about the costs beforehand, but she wouldn't care about that, and when she would receive her phone bill, she would accuse me of robbing her or something like that. My father agrees that would definitely happen, as weird as it sounds.

I can't afford two mobile subscriptions, so it was either about having a German one and taking the blame about her phone bills, or keeping a Finnish one and giving up the chances of making video calls to my husband, my father, my mother-in-law, my best friends etc. So... I had to choose between the faces of my loved ones + my mother's rage, or my mother's voice + not being able to see my loved ones.

It's unbelievable that I almost chose the latter. That's what narcissistic people make you do. You're gonna be so afraid of their rage you're ready to give up everything that makes you a person. You're ready to surrender without questions, as soon as they feel like they've got an opportunity to use you as their tool. They're stripping you from your free will, barricading your escape routes one by one, until you're completely depending on them.

The scariest part of that is I'm still not sure if I can keep my distance to her. Might be that I'm calling her tomorrow and apologizing for being an ungrateful brat, just like she told I am.

Still about this: My mother has figured out that she can call me as much as she wants if she uses her boyfriend's phone, and by setting his number on private mode, I cannot block them.

Thanks a lot, mother. It seems I'll have to go through court order to keep her away from me, and it's a bit hard to start a court proceeding when I'm not in my home country right now.
 

therogis

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Sorry about triple posting and ranting so much about this. I'm just trying to ease the pressure.

This monster I'd like to refuse to call my mother from now on, is now blackmailing my father. She told my father that if I get a restraining order against her, she's gonna get my father to jail, so my father should convince me "to stop degrading her own mother like this and pretty ****in' fast".

There's nothing my father has done that could get him under prosecution, I know that. And my mother isn't smart enough to set him up for something. But... her friends might be, and my mother is a very skilled manipulator, definitely able to make people do stupid things for her.
And also I'm afraid of my father's sanity in this even though he tells me he can deal with that. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to my father because of this, and my mother knows how easy it is to use that thought as a weapon against me.

It would be so much easier to just give up and apologize for being an ungrateful brat, to kneel down to her and confess that I'm a terrible person and I'm lucky to have my mother there to guide me in this world, because she knows the best and she's just doing these things to protect me and whatsoever. If I did that, she'd be so nice to everyone for a while.

At least now I'm 100 % certain that I'm nothing like this sick ****er. Anyone daring to ever hint anything like that in my life is speaking more about themselves and their own personality than me. Took me quite a family crisis to believe that, despite all the people who tried to make me believe it.
 
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Sorry about triple posting and ranting so much about this. I'm just trying to ease the pressure.

This monster I'd like to refuse to call my mother from now on, is now blackmailing my father. She told my father that if I get a restraining order against her, she's gonna get my father to jail, so my father should convince me "to stop degrading her own mother like this and pretty ****in' fast".

There's nothing my father has done that could get him under prosecution, I know that. And my mother isn't smart enough to set him up for something. But... her friends might be, and my mother is a very skilled manipulator, definitely able to make people do stupid things for her.
And also I'm afraid of my father's sanity in this even though he tells me he can deal with that. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to my father because of this, and my mother knows how easy it is to use that thought as a weapon against me.

It would be so much easier to just give up and apologize for being an ungrateful brat, to kneel down to her and confess that I'm a terrible person and I'm lucky to have my mother there to guide me in this world, because she knows the best and she's just doing these things to protect me and whatsoever. If I did that, she'd be so nice to everyone for a while.

At least now I'm 100 % certain that I'm nothing like this sick ****er. Anyone daring to ever hint anything like that in my life is speaking more about themselves and their own personality than me. Took me quite a family crisis to believe that, despite all the people who tried to make me believe it.
It sounds like your mother needs some serious psychological help if you ask me.
But seriously, don't back down. If you do, she'll never stop
 

therogis

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It sounds like your mother needs some serious psychological help if you ask me.
But seriously, don't back down. If you do, she'll never stop
That's what people like me and my relatives have been saying for my whole life. But if you dare to say this to my mother, it's all about harassing and insulting her, "tormenting her to death" like she likes to say it.

There was a reason why the only option for me to get rid of her 11 years ago was to commit suicide. I was taken into municipal custody after that, and even there a court process was needed because she tried to force me come back home. Luckily the judges were on my, my father's and the social workers' side on it.
 

Shadow

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@therogis Is there a way for your father to also get a restraining order against her? If it's established that he has reason to be afraid of her, could that maybe help his case if she or her friends try anything?
 

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That's what people like me and my relatives have been saying for my whole life. But if you dare to say this to my mother, it's all about harassing and insulting her, "tormenting her to death" like she likes to say it.

There was a reason why the only option for me to get rid of her 11 years ago was to commit suicide. I was taken into municipal custody after that, and even there a court process was needed because she tried to force me come back home. Luckily the judges were on my, my father's and the social workers' side on it.
All the more reason not to back down then. If she does try anything with your father. Then the court would know about your family's prior history would they not?
 

therogis

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@therogis Is there a way for your father to also get a restraining order against her? If it's established that he has reason to be afraid of her, could that maybe help his case if she or her friends try anything?

He's too kind to do that. He knows my mother is sick and he thinks his conscience will be pure only if he takes it all until my mother dies. Which, to be honest, we've all been waiting for years.

I've been telling my father dozens of times that he should not give that much money to my mother, he should not help my mother with her errands, and he has no obligation to be there whenever my mother wants to talk to him since it's already over 20 years of their divorce. It's no use. My father knows he's too kind but he can't help it.

My father is my hero, I love him, and this is the one and only thing I've ever seen him weak in my eyes.

All the more reason not to back down then. If she does try anything with your father. Then the court would know about your family's prior history would they not?

Yeah they do. But they also know that my mother accused my father about some horrible crimes when I was a child. I know he'd never do anything like those crimes and despite that, those were the grounds by which my father wasn't going to be approved as my caretaker when my parents got divorced. Or at least that's what my father thought, he had to give up the fight because of those accusations.

This lead me to the thought that maybe my father can't cut ties with my mother because my mother blackmails him by threatening to tell me about those crimes. I should find a way to inform him I know all of it already and that I love him anyway and I never believed that he'd be guilty of anything like that. They're just some really painful things to talk to my father about so I don't know how to ask him about them. Most likely he doesn't know that I'm even aware about those accusations. Found out when I was 16 years old.
 

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So now you can be investigated by the police for "hate crimes" simply because you did an interview and the person you interviewed said something that people took offence to. :mad:

Free speech is dead in the UK. So glad I left the field of journalism.
 

therogis

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I asked a local Facebook group if anyone has a second-hand guitar for sale and today a random guy sent me a PM with a link to eBay ad and told that he just "was lucky to find that for me".
Nothing weird there, but also this guy started following my Instagram and liked every photo that has my face on them. Nothing too weird in that either... but then he started asking if I have any friends here and other things that should not be any business for a guitar seller...

Well I checked that ad I got from this guy and it was published like minutes before he contacted me. No way it was just a lucky find.

The scariest part in this is that it was so cheap and a fair deal, so if I hadn't bought a fine guitar already, I would've definitely taken the bait, most probably going alone to this guy's house without informing anyone about where and when am I supposed to get back.

Now I hope that he hasn't figured out where are international students most likely living in here. Creepy as ****...

Also I'm wondering if I should quit jogging alone during the dark hours. This guy really scared me. Might of course be that he had no malicious intent, but it just looks a tad too suspicious to post an ad obviously just for me with a fake name to get in contact with me and then hide it.
 
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Now people are apparently starting to call cancer "the C word". Well, welcome to the "letter word" club I guess, take a seat over there next to the R word, the F word and of course, the N word.

Honestly though, the overly PC schmuck who called me out in a Twitch chat for using "the C word" to describe a goddamn MAP in an Overwatch game, can S word my D word, with much pleasure. I'll keep saying it because IT'S OK TO SAY IT AS LONG AS THE INTENT BEHIND IT IS NOT TO ACTUALLY OFFEND SOMEONE BY USING THE NAME OF THE CONDITION.
That self righteous cretin couldn't know he was talking to a guy who lost 2 grandmas, a grandpa, and another 4 between uncles and aunts to cancer, and he still wanted to lecture me about "who's allowed to say the word and who's not". **** off. And even if I hadn't suffered all those family deaths to cancer, the bit above still applies.

@Lain my man, free speech is dying everywhere, not just in the UK, we're living in a transition time where language is being pushed more and more to be as neutered and sterile as it can possibly be. It's all about evasion, evasion, evasion, and the enforcement of it, either through cultural pressure or, sometimes, even laws. The future depicted in Demolition Man doesn't seem so dumb and far fetched nowadays does it.
 

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So one of my cousins got in contact with me today. My mom passed away early this morning, and honestly? I don't know how to feel. I don't mourn her death as such, or the person she was. If I mourn anything, it's that she wasn't the mother she should have been, that she allowed her husband to devour any bit of who she was and what our relationship should have been--like the malicious parasite he is.

No tears, and no hate for her. Pity that she didn't have the strength to do what she should have, so that she wouldn't have lost what she did because of him. Whatever afterlife exists, I hope she finds peace and is herself--the self she never quite managed to be in life.
 

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He's too kind to do that. He knows my mother is sick and he thinks his conscience will be pure only if he takes it all until my mother dies. Which, to be honest, we've all been waiting for years.

I've been telling my father dozens of times that he should not give that much money to my mother, he should not help my mother with her errands, and he has no obligation to be there whenever my mother wants to talk to him since it's already over 20 years of their divorce. It's no use. My father knows he's too kind but he can't help it.

My father is my hero, I love him, and this is the one and only thing I've ever seen him weak in my eyes.
You need to remember that if your father is like that, he still has humanity inside him. That means he still has his mental stability. It won't last long, though, so cherish what you have now. I would also not "wish death" on your mother, either. Karma has a way of swinging open to your face eventually. No matter how poorly your mother treated you. You'll need to bite your tongue until she "passes away." She's a pain in the ass now, but wishing her death will have this dread afterwards. You will cry once she dies.

Some people react differently like I did with my grandfather on my father's side... but that's because I was not very close to him. Or my father for that matter.

And like this guy...
So one of my cousins got in contact with me today. My mom passed away early this morning, and honestly? I don't know how to feel. I don't mourn her death as such, or the person she was. If I mourn anything, it's that she wasn't the mother she should have been, that she allowed her husband to devour any bit of who she was and what our relationship should have been--like the malicious parasite he is.

No tears, and no hate for her. Pity that she didn't have the strength to do what she should have, so that she wouldn't have lost what she did because of him. Whatever afterlife exists, I hope she finds peace and is herself--the self she never quite managed to be in life.
That is a great thought, though.
Now people are apparently starting to call cancer "the C word". Well, welcome to the "letter word" club I guess, take a seat over there next to the R word, the F word and of course, the N word.

Honestly though, the overly PC schmuck who called me out in a Twitch chat for using "the C word" to describe a goddamn MAP in an Overwatch game, can S word my D word, with much pleasure. I'll keep saying it because IT'S OK TO SAY IT AS LONG AS THE INTENT BEHIND IT IS NOT TO ACTUALLY OFFEND SOMEONE BY USING THE NAME OF THE CONDITION.
That self righteous cretin couldn't know he was talking to a guy who lost 2 grandmas, a grandpa, and another 4 between uncles and aunts to cancer, and he still wanted to lecture me about "who's allowed to say the word and who's not". **** off. And even if I hadn't suffered all those family deaths to cancer, the bit above still applies.

@Lain my man, free speech is dying everywhere, not just in the UK, we're living in a transition time where language is being pushed more and more to be as neutered and sterile as it can possibly be. It's all about evasion, evasion, evasion, and the enforcement of it, either through cultural pressure or, sometimes, even laws. The future depicted in Demolition Man doesn't seem so dumb and far fetched nowadays does it.
I agree with EVERYTHING said here, we're seeing this in California, where the movie takes place... I am currently living in another state, until everything is settled in California or when home prices crash. We are just biding our time.

I see this devolution from a mile away, but I discovered that, a former C.E.O. at Twitter was and still is a communist twat.

xc_hide_links_from_guests_guests_error_hide_media
 
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therogis

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You need to remember that if your father is like that, he still has humanity inside him. That means he still has his mental stability. It won't last long, though, so cherish what you have now. I would also not "wish death" on your mother, either. Karma has a way of swinging open to your face eventually. No matter how poorly your mother treated you. You'll need to bite your tongue until she "passes away." She's a pain in the ass now, but wishing her death will have this dread afterwards. You will cry once she dies.
I might have misunderstood your point with my father and if that's the case, forgive me, but my dad has never done anything bad for me. He really is my hero, the one I look up to. He's always been the one to take the bullets from my mother, and he's always been there supporting me. When I tried to take my life, he visited me in the hospital almost every day, and even though I was unable to speak or have any kind of conversation, he sat there for hours keeping up the discussion. He was the one to walk me down the aisle when I got married and he was the one first to hear that I got admission to the law school. When hearing the latter, he cried out of joy.

I agree with you about what you said in wishing my mother's death; it is never OK to wish one's death simply because of hate or hostile state of mind. Hence, I think my words need some clarification, because it's not about that for me either.
During this year I made a clear agreement with myself that I don't hate people. Hate is energy consumpting for both sides, it is childish, selfish and shows just overall unability to see the world through other people's eyes as well. Sometimes, it's also dangerous, and constantly hating someone is just sick.
Yeah, I admit that I'm surely slipping from my agreement sometimes - I'm a human being after all and sometimes guided by emotions. Even though I make mistakes sometimes, my philosophy is that evil people don't exist: a person who is considered "evil" in someone's eyes has always a reason for their actions. Their actions may not be justified in other's eyes, but in their own thoughts there is always a justification, whether they are able to explain it or not.

That said, my reasons to wish for my mother's death are something very similar to Rebel Dynasty's thoughts above. My mother's not able to find peace in her life. She doesn't fit in the society. She's sick. She suffers. Yeah, she makes everyone else suffer as well, and they're some "extra reasons" for me to wish that she'd pass away soon. I don't wish for a painful death for her (even though it's gonna be like that due to her condition), I wish that she'd fall asleep and leave the world that she always found so evil in her eyes, and at the same time, take all the suffering she's caused for others away with her.

Tl;dr: my reasons to wish for my mother's death have nothing to do with hostility. For kind of same reasons I was wishing for my grandma to pass away: my grandma was so ill that she was wishing for death herself 4 years before she was finally released of her pain. I remember how she cried because she would've liked to bake cakes and grow plants on her windowsill and go to church and visit her husband's grave, but because of the constant pain, she was barely able to move. She told me several times that she's praying God to call her already, so she'd be able to reunite with her husband again.

However, when my grandma died, I cried and I still miss her. I still find myself occasionally thinking what would grandma say if I told her about a cake recipe I found in the Internet, and if I'm tired enough, I might even think about calling her for a second. Also, I am forever grateful that she chose to override my mother's right to inherit her and left me and my husband a little something to fund our studies.
But once my mother dies, I am pretty sure I won't cry when that happens. Won't laugh either. I'll be just relieved, and I'm definitely not afraid to say that.
 
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Carlos

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I might have misunderstood your point with my father and if that's the case, forgive me, but my dad has never done anything bad for me. He really is my hero, the one I look up to. He's always been the one to take the bullets from my mother, and he's always been there supporting me. When I tried to take my life, he visited me in the hospital almost every day, and even though I was unable to speak or have any kind of conversation, he sat there for hours keeping up the discussion. He was the one to walk me down the aisle when I got married and he was the one first to hear that I got admission to the law school. When hearing the latter, he cried out of joy.

I agree with you about what you said in wishing my mother's death; it is never OK to wish one's death simply because of hate or hostile state of mind. Hence, I think my words need some clarification, because it's not about that for me either.
During this year I made a clear agreement with myself that I don't hate people. Hate is energy consumpting for both sides, it is childish, selfish and shows just overall unability to see the world through other people's eyes as well. Sometimes, it's also dangerous, and constantly hating someone is just sick.
Yeah, I admit that I'm surely slipping from my agreement sometimes - I'm a human being after all and sometimes guided by emotions. Even though I make mistakes sometimes, my philosophy is that evil people don't exist: a person who is considered "evil" in someone's eyes has always a reason for their actions. Their actions may not be justified in other's eyes, but in their own thoughts there is always a justification, whether they are able to explain it or not.

That said, my reasons to wish for my mother's death are something very similar to Rebel Dynasty's thoughts above. My mother's not able to find peace in her life. She doesn't fit in the society. She's sick. She suffers. Yeah, she makes everyone else suffer as well, and they're some "extra reasons" for me to wish that she'd pass away soon. I don't wish for a painful death for her (even though it's gonna be like that due to her condition), I wish that she'd fall asleep and leave the world that she always found so evil in her eyes, and at the same time, take all the suffering she's caused for others away with her.

Tl;dr: my reasons to wish for my mother's death have nothing to do with hostility. For kind of same reasons I was wishing for my grandma to pass away: my grandma was so ill that she was wishing for death herself 4 years before she was finally released of her pain. I remember how she cried because she would've liked to bake cakes and grow plants on her windowsill and go to church and visit her husband's grave, but because of the constant pain, she was barely able to move. She told me several times that she's praying God to call her already, so she'd be able to reunite with her husband again.

However, when my grandma died, I cried and I still miss her. I still find myself occasionally thinking what would grandma say if I told her about a cake recipe I found in the Internet, and if I'm tired enough, I might even think about calling her for a second. Also, I am forever grateful that she chose to override my mother's right to inherit her and left me and my husband a little something to fund our studies.
But once my mother dies, I am pretty sure I won't cry when that happens. Won't laugh either. I'll be just relieved, and I'm definitely not afraid to say that.
I'll deal with bolded.
1. I meant what I said of your father, you were pessimistic about his inclination to help your mom - i meant no harm. No ill will, I was just saying that your father seems to have a good heart at fault. They have history - they made you, after all. :)
2. You sound like my mother. My grandmother passed away last fall, but months before her death - my mother had the same thought pattern, but I told her its not good to think that way. Because karma, and anyone on the afterlife can hear you. Watch "Ghost Adventures" if you have it in your cable box. It makes you think.

All in all, just be careful. Especially if she is that bitter.
 

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But once my mother dies, I am pretty sure I won't cry when that happens. Won't laugh either. I'll be just relieved, and I'm definitely not afraid to say that.
I haven't either, and I think that's a point of contention for certain family members and friends of the family; some disapproval is born of ignorance, some in spite of knowing the facts. It's one of those, "How dare I even suggest I led anything less than a charmed life?" things. When the day comes, don't let any of it get to you--we all mourn in our own ways. Not all grief results in sobbing--sometimes it's quieter, all but invisible. And if there isn't grief at all, then I'd say that's pretty self explanatory and does not reflect poorly on you. You don't owe anyone justification to think or feel what you do.

Current rant: Why the hell did I agree to talk to my cousin today? I know precisely how this is going to go, and I'm not ready for it. x_x
 
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Rebel Dynasty

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I feel like I'm reaching a boiling point and oh boy, I'd hate to be the person that gets on my bad side when I erupt...

...don't worry, though. I'll make sure it's someone who deserves a good tongue-lashing.
 

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I'm OK with wearing glasses 24/7 and I'm OK with wearing a mask, but wearing glasses AND a mask at the same time is a pain in the butt for me because my glasses are constantly fogging and eventually they're getting wet as well. So I found this neat trick to cross the ear loops to prevent fogging, and it really helps me.

Now I found out that some people despise and mock people who are wearing a mask like this because "it affects the protection". And they're telling that "safety first, take your glasses off when using a mask!". Yeah right, I'm literally half blind without my glasses because of exotropia and I'm unable to see any distances without them so...
Another argument in this is "if you really have to wear glasses then just put them lower on your nose, it's not that hard!" WELL IT IS JUST THAT HARD, not everyone's glasses are made like you could really do anything about it. :mad:

So there are people going out with masks hanging on their neck or set below their nose, people using the same single-use mask several DAYS, people playing with the front side of their masks just for fun, and I'M the one to get these mean glares because I cross the earloops?!? Wtf people, if you're afraid of my kind of people being a biohazard to the community then just don't go out anymore for ****'s sake

Yeah I'm ****ed
 

therogis

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I had to change my number and hide my social media accounts behind a fake name because of this sick ****er's harassment. Hoo-fckin-ray.

Gonna file a police report about her as soon as possible, but I don't think it makes any difference. I could take her to court and she would still not stop.
 
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