ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ ғᴏʀ ғʀᴇᴇᴅᴏᴍ
- Mar 22, 2019
- Reaction score
Hate to say this but it surely wouldn't be the first time she does that.
My psychotherapist left me with an open question: "Your mother won't change, that's for sure. You've given her hundreds of opportunities to prove otherwise. Of course you can give her another opportunity, but before you give up and call her again, you'll have to ask yourself this: are you ready to be guilty of everything that goes wrong in her life for the rest of your own life? Are you ready to be never enough for her? If the answer is no, you know what to do."
I can't believe I was really worried about that I should find a way for her to call me while I'm abroad. Let me explain the situation: If I kept my Finnish mobile subscription, I wouldn't be able to use Whatsapp because of data usage, thus I wouldn't be able to make video calls directly from my mobile phone. If I chose the German one, it would cost more for my mother to call me because she doesn't have Whatsapp. I would tell her about the costs beforehand, but she wouldn't care about that, and when she would receive her phone bill, she would accuse me of robbing her or something like that. My father agrees that would definitely happen, as weird as it sounds.
I can't afford two mobile subscriptions, so it was either about having a German one and taking the blame about her phone bills, or keeping a Finnish one and giving up the chances of making video calls to my husband, my father, my mother-in-law, my best friends etc. So... I had to choose between the faces of my loved ones + my mother's rage, or my mother's voice + not being able to see my loved ones.
It's unbelievable that I almost chose the latter. That's what narcissistic people make you do. You're gonna be so afraid of their rage you're ready to give up everything that makes you a person. You're ready to surrender without questions, as soon as they feel like they've got an opportunity to use you as their tool. They're stripping you from your free will, barricading your escape routes one by one, until you're completely depending on them.
The scariest part of that is I'm still not sure if I can keep my distance to her. Might be that I'm calling her tomorrow and apologizing for being an ungrateful brat, just like she told I am.
Still about this: My mother has figured out that she can call me as much as she wants if she uses her boyfriend's phone, and by setting his number on private mode, I cannot block them.
Thanks a lot, mother. It seems I'll have to go through court order to keep her away from me, and it's a bit hard to start a court proceeding when I'm not in my home country right now.