This is my favourite. I've heard it in my native language, I'll do my best translating.
A man walked into an attorney's office and asked how much does it cost to have some advice.
"$1200 for three questions", said the attorney.
The man was shocked.
"Aren't those prices just terrible?!"
"Yes they are", said the attorney with a smile, "and what's your third question?"
And then... a science joke... :P
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist were walking down a street. There was a house across the street. When they walked past the house, they saw that one person entered the house and, a moment later, two people left the house.
"Look! They've divided!" cheered the biologist.
"No, there's just a mistake in the equation", argued the physicist.
"If one more person goes inside the house, it's empty again", stated the mathematician.
So probably no one else found these funny but well... if one single person laughs at these, my mission is complete.
As for the riddles, well this is an old one but let's try. I don't actually know if this works in English at all.
A plane crashes on the border of Norway and Sweden. Half of the passengers are Norwegian, half of them are Swedish. On which side of the Swedish-Norwegian border shall the wounded be buried?
Neither. Wounded people won't be buried yet lol
Also I thought this might be a funny random fact for you.
When situations change and a Finn becomes very frustrated, another Finn might try to cheer him up by telling him a Finnish proverb. It goes like this: "Kaikkeen tottuu paitsi jääpuikkoon perseessä." It may be continued with an explanation: "Koska jääpuikko sulaa ennen kuin siihen ehtii tottua."
Roughly translated, it means this: "You can get used to everything else except an icicle up in you a*s. Because the icicle will melt before you get used to that."
So welcome to Finland. We are a cheerful bunch of fellas.
why do italians sing about the moon because they are italiens i havent created jokes in a while but most of the ones i wrote here are mine feel free to steal them ,like that satanist dude once said my joy is to see your joy
I saw a spider in our kitchen last night. Told my husband not to kill him, instead to take him out. So they had dinner together and drank a few beers. My husband told me that he was a nice guy, heard he works as a web designer.