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Anyone have a good joke?

How bad are Meg's jokes?

  • Very

    Votes: 3 25.0%
  • Somewhat

    Votes: 5 41.7%
  • Ugh

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Please stop

    Votes: 2 16.7%
  • No really stop

    Votes: 3 25.0%
  • -____-

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    12

berto

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This made me laugh when I came across it today
I absolutely love that. I could analyse this in layers but the only thing I have to say is that vegans who try to make their carnivores pets vegan should have their pets taken away for animal abuse.
 

AgentRedgrave

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What's a pirate's favorite letter? You *Rolls eyes* is it Rrrrr? Nope, tis the c!
 

berto

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I also pulled a prank on one of my close friends and co-workers by saying "I got a new job cleaning mirrors; it's something I can really see myself doing." She was not happy with me.
Ironically, the funniest part of that story was her reaction.
 
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ReaperHunter

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I guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam." So I told him "Relax man, you're two tents."
 

LordOfDarkness

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I guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam." So I told him "Relax man, you're two tents."

Did you manage to calm him down in the end?
 

therogis

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This is my favourite. I've heard it in my native language, I'll do my best translating.

A man walked into an attorney's office and asked how much does it cost to have some advice.
"$1200 for three questions", said the attorney.
The man was shocked.
"Aren't those prices just terrible?!"
"Yes they are", said the attorney with a smile, "and what's your third question?"

And then... a science joke... :p

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist were walking down a street. There was a house across the street. When they walked past the house, they saw that one person entered the house and, a moment later, two people left the house.
"Look! They've divided!" cheered the biologist.
"No, there's just a mistake in the equation", argued the physicist.
"If one more person goes inside the house, it's empty again", stated the mathematician.

So probably no one else found these funny but well... if one single person laughs at these, my mission is complete.

-----

As for the riddles, well this is an old one but let's try. I don't actually know if this works in English at all.

A plane crashes on the border of Norway and Sweden. Half of the passengers are Norwegian, half of them are Swedish. On which side of the Swedish-Norwegian border shall the wounded be buried?

Answer:
Neither. Wounded people won't be buried yet lol

Also I thought this might be a funny random fact for you.
When situations change and a Finn becomes very frustrated, another Finn might try to cheer him up by telling him a Finnish proverb. It goes like this: "Kaikkeen tottuu paitsi jääpuikkoon perseessä." It may be continued with an explanation: "Koska jääpuikko sulaa ennen kuin siihen ehtii tottua."
Roughly translated, it means this: "You can get used to everything else except an icicle up in you a*s. Because the icicle will melt before you get used to that."

So welcome to Finland. We are a cheerful bunch of fellas.
 

Aisen66

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A man dies and wakes up and sees he has wings. So he says am i an angel now and the closest person to him says no now you re a bat
 

therogis

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If you clean a vacuum cleaner you are a vacuum cleaner.

Actually laughed my poor head off lol
 

ef9dante_oSsshea

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What's the difference between a noob and a park bench?

a park bench can support a squad [\spoiler]
 

Aisen66

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why do italians sing about the moon because they are italiens i havent created jokes in a while but most of the ones i wrote here are mine feel free to steal them ,like that satanist dude once said my joy is to see your joy :dead:
 

tehrugger

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I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel--
 

therogis

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I saw a spider in our kitchen last night. Told my husband not to kill him, instead to take him out. So they had dinner together and drank a few beers. My husband told me that he was a nice guy, heard he works as a web designer.

... lol :D
 
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